Choose one band/artist, and fill in the blanks with only titles of the songs from that band/artist.

Band/Artist - David Bowie

Are you female or male? - Lady Grinning Soul

Describe yourself - I Am A Laser

How do some people feel about you? - I'm Deranged

How do you feel about yourself? - Baby Grace (A Horrid Cassette)

Describe your ex girlfriend/boyfriend. - I Pity The Fool

Describe where you want to be. - Trying To Get To Heaven

Describe what you want to be. - New Killer Star

Describe how you live. - Lust For Life

Describe how you love. - Love You Till Tuesday

Share a few words of wisdom. - It's Hard To Be A Saint In The City

gah. i am so christmased out it isn't even funny. the kids got mega spoiled but it was so nice to see them get all excited about it and they are still in that glow.

sousa christmas was on the 20th and i hated it. as usual i got to watch everyone else's kids while they gnoshed and socialized among themselves. we had the food catered in this year because the womenfolk are tired of cooking for 40 people. well my uncle sid decided to be a fucking brat and start bitching about it and then when my mom brought out shrimp and crab and stuff that she'd made for the men to snack on he mentioned something about if she was going to cook that stuff anyway why didn't she cook the entire meal, it would have tasted better. etc etc i was going to go off on a rant at him but my aunt held me back and told him to shut up because he was hurting my mom's feelings and if that's how he honestly felt he should shut up and get in the god damn kitchen at 6 in the morning and spend a fucking fortune on booze and nevermind him taking his 24 hour fucking naps. it was a total mess and by the time SO got off work to come visit everyone had gone home already except my mom's sisters and their families and i swear the only ones i like are my aunt nat's family and my uncle mike's family. the rest of them can rot in hell and i don't think i'll be going to next year's function if i have to put up with all the crap anymore. cripes.

SO was actually in the christmasy mood this year too so he was a little disappointed that everyone went home but when he saw the look on my face he was like "ok let's go home now" and we went.

we went to my mom & dad's on christmas eve and i had 100% better time, the meal was good and peaceful and everyone loved their gift i got them including my brother's girlfriend michelle so nyah!

then we came home and i was up till 1am arranging things so that when the kids woke up evidence of santa was there but also so that i had less to do in the morning for the christmas brunch i was hosting.

christmas day i was woken up at 5 am by my excited son. but my daughter & hubby were still sleeping so i convinced him we had to watch finding nemo until they got up. 3 minutes later the boy was snoring and i was wide awake. so i did what any sane person would do, made myself some coffee and baked some pastries. the coffee was way too strong as i had in my hurry the night before put too much coffee in the filter. eek!

C & SO woke up and we opened our stockings & gifts. it was a good time then SO's parents & siblings and our grandmas and my parents came over for brunch: hash browns w/cheese & onion, bacon, ham, waffles with berries & whipped cream, pastries, croissants, cheese & crackers, cold veggie pizza, punch, coffee & bailey's, etc. it was a lot of food and everyone was stuffed and i think my dad was pretty amazed that i could cook all that.

in the evening even though i was exhausted we had to go to SO's parents home for christmas dinner. tons of food later i finally caved and brought K home and left C with SO at his parents for a while. K and i had some good down time watching toy story on the couch and we both only just nodded off when SO & C came home.

boxing day was ok, pretty uneventful but that's perfect. we went to the store to pick up a present for C's friend's birthday party, the car wouldn't start so we ended up walking but it was a nice walk.

the 27th was the M side get together we had it at the optimist hall because there's so many of them. it was potluck and i was volunteered to bring trifle. which was fine it is easy to make but a lot of work. gah. SO helped me which was muchly appreciated but i couldn't help but feel he did it because he felt guilty for being such a jerk lately (don't get me started on it, ok)

i think that gets us up to date, non?

hope everyone else had a good holiday.

THERE ARE ONLY TWO MORE SLEEPS TILL CHRISTMAS K THX

I feel ridiculously unprepared.

Thanks to those who replied to my previous post. In the sake of fairness I will reveal what I wanted most when I was a kid: A typewriter. Did I ever get one? Nope. Do I have one now? Yup. Do I use it? ALL THE TIME. The satisfying CA-CHUNK CA-CHUNK as I type row up on row of words makes it all worth it. Why did I never get one? Because my mom was the gift shopper in our house and never, ever paid attention to my list. Even though there was only one thing on it. Ok two, I also wanted thinsulate mittens. Did I get those? Nope. Cripes. Don't make me get into what my brother got (read: almost anything he desired). Why did I want a typewriter? Because I wanted to be a writer more than anything. My mom thought that was a dumb dream because it wasn't a "practical" thing to want to be. Yeah.

There will be GAMES at my Christmas gathering of my own device. You are all hella jealous I bet yessiree. I will be giving out fabulous prizes!

It will shock some to learn I have started a character on the game EQ. It is a warrior which is the most ridiculous class to choose below mages (hahahaa) but requires little in the thought department. Slash crush kick slash crusk kick. Also, I use my other half's fungi tunic so ha! I never have to sit for four billion hours to get hit points back. I am up to lvl 20 now which is pretty miraculous because I usually lose interest in the game by lvl 6. I also find it funny that my favorite haunt (Paludal caverns) was my favorite because nobody was there. Now everybody and their brother is there. It's like Lake of Ill [Omen|Manners] all over again. Does anyone remember the fear of travelling? I mean going through Kithicor was a big deal and hella dangerous. Now you just click on a book and there you are. They make it way too easy for new characters now too. meh. Now I am just kvetching.

La la la I have to work today and tomorrow and the 29 and the 30 and the 2nd and the 4th. Some two week holiday, thanks alot [current job location]!

memo to self:
write about - core christmas luncheon - sa family gathering - IT CAME FROM DENTISTVILLE - new glasses - etc

In case I don't post between now and then, I hope everyone has a fantastic holiday. Please be safe and see you in time for the post-Christmas pre-New Year's Eve hangover! (hee)

Without any presents at all!
He HADN'T stopped Christmas from coming!
IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!


I always get a little choked up at that part. Shut up. I know I'm a sap.



Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before!
"Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't come from a store.
"Maybe Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!"

When you were little, what was one thing you wanted more than anything for Christmas?

Did you get it?

If given the chance, would you get one now?

Here they are:

Bath salts (simple)

- 2 cups of epsom salts
- 1 cup of sea salt (coarse or fine, use your discretion. I prefer fine)
- 15-20 drops of your favorite essential oil (mix and match)

Mix all these things together, smushing down any clumps made by the oil drops. Add a few drops of food coloring if you want to make purty colors. Store in an air tight container (I tend to use mason jars and pretty them up with stickers and other crafty things). Some people add a few teaspoons glycerin, I leave that to the user's discretion. Personally I see no need for it.

Use: Pour about 1/3 cup under running water for your bath. If you are using for foot soak, you will only need a few scoops...

My favorite smells:

peppermint, peppermint&orange, orange, orange&grapefruit, lavender, and peach. But I'm all out of peach. *pout*

Bath bombs (also simple)

This is for a very very small batch. triple quantities of ingredients if you want lots.

- 2 tbsp citric acid
- 2 tbsp corn starch
- 1/4 cup baking soda
- 3 tbsp coconut oil
- 1/4 tsp essential oil (just put in a whole bunch of drops. use your discretion)
- food coloring (optional)

Mix citric acid, corn starch, & baking soda together. set aside. Melt coconut oil in a small glass bowl in the microwave (around 1 minute to 1-1/2 should do you). Add fragrance & color (food coloring optional), stir all together. Slowly add this mixture to dry ingredients, blending well. If you do this too fast, the dry stuff will fizz up too soon! Shape the finished mixture into appx 1" balls and place on wax paper. Allow 24-36 hours to dry. Store in airtight container. Please avoid leaving out to dry in humid areas as these will cause the bombs to "go off" before they are ready.

Citric acid and coconut oil can be found in most bulk stores, and some grocery type places. Same deal with essential oils. They may seem costly, averaging about $7 a bottle of essential oil, but believe me it lasts FOREVER. Coconut oil comes solid (some people don't realize that). These things are awesome and really do work. The coconut oil leaves your skin feeling smooth and the essential oils really permeate the bath well.

Use: drop into bathtub full of water for yummy smelling fizzy experience. Hurrah!

Favorite smells are same as above.

Any questions?

Today one of my bosses is taking us out to lunch for Christmas... should be interesting as he is just getting over the flu I gave him last week (whoops).

Christmas is fast approaching and I feel completely unprepared for it. I still have a ton of wrapping things to do and I need to get my act together about the brunch I've been volunteered to host on Christmas Day...

C came home from school yesterday with a present for us all wrapped up. She wanted us to open it right then but I said we should put it under the tree and wait until Christmas. She is just hopping with excitement because her class has been working on these gifts for about a month now... she is so sweet.

I made peppermint bath salts for each of the grandmas, they can use them to soak their feet. I tested it out and it's marvelous. I also made grapefruit & orange scented bath bombs... mmmm. They totally work too! hahaha. I am creative geeeeenius!

The kids decided they wanted to make some for my mom so I let them at it and they had a blast... poor mum is going to have some interesting smelling bath salts though because the kids went a little overboard with the essential oils... oh well it's the thought that counts and knowing my mom she will be all verklempt about it anyway.

I have a dental appointment for a small filling on the 23...ugh... don't wanna. The kids have one on the 31st (you read that right, son) thankfully it's only a check up.

I have to work through the 2 week "shutdown" of our workplace. So I'll be in on the 22, 23, 29, 30, & 2 while everyone else has those days off. *sigh* Oh well at least I don't have to work Christmas Eve & New Year's Eve this year.

My LiveJournal 12 Days
My True Love gave to me...
12 cenopussys a-wailing.
11 cowboyneals a-milking.
10 cutiestars a-piping.
9 dannyes a-twirling.
8 devon_harts a-bowing.
7 ducky537s a-skipping.
6 halspals a-gyrating.
5 dark green hemoss.
4 staring lazysuns.
3 Turkmenistani lometas.
2 pig moonflower123s.
And a quizro in a peach tree.
Get gifts! Username:
Another fun meme brought to you by rfreebern.

I still dream about you, and in my dreams you are dining with us and you are laughing and you are singing with your deep booming voice and you are alive. And you are so alive.

Waking up stings like cold water. You have been gone for almost 6 years now; your face is fading but your voice will never die. Oh my grandfather how I miss you. I took you for granted and now you are gone and I don't know what to do to fill that empty spot in my heart. I have tried filling it with books and knowledge and songs, and love, but it just won't fill up. I am emptier than ever and I never knew grief could cut through a person so simply and so cruelly.

Did you see my tears that day in the hospital? That last day I saw you alive. I tried so hard to keep them from you. I turned away, I walked to the window, I shut them up behind my eyelids. But they came all the same and I think that's because I saw how very small you had become, I could have cradled you like a child in my arms and I would have given anything to be able to do so, because I remember you doing the same for me when I was small and scared.

And I remember showing you my daughter that day and I was so happy that you were there to see her but I was so sad to know that you would never hear her tell you she loved you and you would never see her laughter. She sings all day sometimes, did you know that? This is your gift to her, I think. I see in her your love of life and laughter.

I also remember the not so nice things, grandfather. I am not so naive as to romanticize the life you lead... the things that hurt us all, the months of absence, so many other things pile up. I push them away because I want you to be a beacon not a shade.

Look here, I have a son now. Did you know that when he was born, he looked just like you? So much so that everyone saw it immediately and remarked and we didn't know what to do with that. It was like you had blanketed him up into yourself to protect him until it was time for him to be born. Did you know I almost died that day, grandfather? And that something guided me safely back. I think it was you.

I threw a tiger lily down to chase the dirt that had fallen into your grave onto your casket. I remember kneeling down in front of the hole and wanting to jump in and claw at the box that was hiding your soulcage and beg you to wake up, please wake up, please? I remember my husband pulling me up and cutting my closure short because everyone had left and we had to go now.

I don't resent the fact that they buried you on my birthday. You had no say in this, I know this, I know. What can I say? Now I have no possible way of forgetting. Ever.

I have so many things to say to you and I have so many things to share and I can't. And sure I could call out into the ether and I could whisper prayers to things unseen to carry my words from my heart to you, but what's the use? Some things are best left alone.

I still think of you, grandfather. I still love you, grandfather. I still need you, grandfather. And you'll never know.

R turned 26 today.

My favorite things about my brother:

- Captain Hook
- Captain Kirk
- G.I.Joe
- snakes in margarine tubs
- the best speech at my wedding
- "THIS IS LUDICROUS!"
- white man in Harlem
- "Let's discover morning!"
- making me laugh and pop my stitches after an appendectomy by singing silly songs and playing his guitar
- the fact that even though he is a selfish bugger sometimes, he has such a good good heart.

You are Animal.
You are completely nuts, but fun to be around.

SPECIAL TALENTS:
Drums, Women, Food.
HOBBIES:
Drums, Women, Food.

FAVORITE EXPRESSIONS:
"Louder!", "Food now!" and
"Want Woman!"

LAST BOOK EATEN:
"The Musicians' Guide to Drums, Women &
Food"

NEVER LEAVES HOME WITHOUT:
An appetite.


What Muppet are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

it's a luscious mix of words and tricks
that let us bet when you know we should fold

15 more sleeps to santa!!!

I love exploding dog.

MS meeting was good. I am now on a mission to woo corporations into giving us sponsorship. Wish me luck.

Don't you hate it when you dream, and in your dream you think "this dream is important, I must remember this", and then someone wakes you up too soon and you can't. remember. a. damn. thing.


*sigh*

didn't go to work today, because i didn't sleep enough last night. cold and shaky. not well. not well. up sick all night.

was up late enough to watch a couple of old episodes of futurama (read: 3 fucking a.m. in the morning, cockadoodleTHAT, earlybirds) and an episode of the family guy. that is one of the most messed up cartoons ever.

i wish the good people at homestarrunner.com would update soon. the future of good television can't even be found on television. sad sad.

i have a meeting tonight for the Walk for MS committee; I have a feeling they are going to try and lasso me into doing some public speaking for them, which makes me hella nervous, but it is such a good good cause I don't know if I will be able to refuse.

I've been doing the Walk for MS for about 5 years now, more or less ever since I knew about it. It's one of those few causes I would give everything I had to, probably because it hits close to the bone: one of my dearest friends has it.

Read "Confessions of a Shopaholic" and really it was quite funny, somewhere along the lines of Bridget Jones but not in journal form.

OK time to go sleep the sleep of the near-dead until I have to go to the meeting...no wait... must go pick up daughter from school first. Gah.

and here is that damn gollum song i mention in current music (for those of you who don't follow the everything2 threads)

It is such a secret place, the land of tears.

http://www.acplace.com/Crafts/bath.htm

http://www.acplace.com/Crafts/flowers.htm

http://familycrafts.about.com/cs/recipecollections/a/blbodyglitter.htm

http://familycrafts.about.com/cs/recipecollections/

http://www.craftsitedirectory.com/

Was woken up to two big brown eyes staring at me willing me to wake up. I mumbled a good morning to my son and pulled him into bed between SO & I and hoped I could get another 1/2 hour of rest in. No dice. K has this habit of playing with my face when I'm lying there until I wake up. I turned over hoping it would deter him but that only gave him the bright idea to pull up his legs and try to push me out of bed with them, kangaroo style. I finally gave up and got out of bed at 7:30 in the morning. I actually got to sleep in until 7:30 this morning! Ahh, parenthood...

We all tromped downstairs (because where my son goes, my daughter isn't far behind when it comes to waking up in the morning) while SO slept peacefully (is still sleeping, in fact) and I threw on "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" (the animated version). And now both tots are fast asleep on the couch and I am wide awake.

I'm considering making some chocolate chip pancakes, except that would make three mornings in a row I've made them (the other two mornings were at the pleadings of my little ones). Perhaps an omelette. Confession: I cannot make egg dishes to save my life. They always end up a blithering mess that I end up calling scrambled eggs. When I try to fry em up the yoke always breaks on me. It's heart-rending, however much I try I fail. My husband, however, makes a mean breakfast. Which is the nice thing about marriage: sometimes what one cannot do, the other can, or what one will not do, the other will. For instance, he absolutely hates doing dishes, while I don't mind it. So I'm the dish-washer. But I hate laundry, while he prefers it. He's laundry boy.

This is the first weekend since last APRIL that I haven't had anything to do, and now I'm pacing like a tiger.

I've been reading my daughter C a couple of chapters of The Little Prince each night, and she is absolutely loving it. She always nods sagely when the narrator talks about how silly grown ups are. She's getting a little worried, though. We are at the part where the Prince talks about sheep eating flowers. I told her that sometimes stories and other things are sad to remind us to appreciate the happy things in our lives. She felt better about that.

Putting up our tree this year was fun as always. I'm finding that this age that my kids are at is the most fun. Their delight and enthusiasm for the season awakens good memories. I won't kid myself or any of you, it brings up some really bad ones as well, but I am smart enough to tuck those ones aside for the time being. The kids have rearranged the tree decorations eleventy-bajillion times now, and we only put it up on Monday! I may have to put a damper on their re-arranging enthusiasm... but why be a killjoy? The ornaments are plastic, they can do no harm. That's why I bought plastics in the first place. For plastic, they sure look like glass baubles. Heh.

K has taken to calling reindeer "snow angels". I asked him why he said it was because "they fly like angels and do good things for us, mum".

Last night my sister-in-law graced us with her prescence, and the kids pounced upon her immediately. Since she moved to her college town in September, we haven't seen or spoken with her. She's never home because she works two jobs and goes to school... This weekend her DJ'ing job brought her our way so we were the first place she stopped at. She, the kids, and I ended up making peanut butter cookies, which is always chaos when you have a 3 & 5 year old all elbows poking in to get to pour the next ingredient. I should also note that it is freaking HILARIOUS to watch them squish the peanut butter cookies into oblivion with their forks. The squished with wild abandon no matter how many times we showed them not to do it so hard, and we were all laughing and it was great fun. No matter, the cookies were delicious, if a little monstrous-looking.

Today we might go to visit my new baby cousin, RS. My Uncle MS & Aunt ES just had their first baby on Nov. 22, likely their last too because they are both in their late 30's and Aunt ES had so many miscarriages before successfully carrying this one. I decided to give them space before visiting, for one because ES had had a caesarian done and it got infected and needed healing, and for another because I remember taking my own babies home, how it was nice to have visitors but nicer to just be left alone so I could heal and get used to being a mom.

It is strange, having a cousin 27 years younger than you are.

I hear my little monkeys stirring on the couch; time to go see what mischief they're up to today.

I've been informed that I should let it be known: there are only 18 more sleeps until Santa breaks into our house and gives us presents.

What Finding Nemo Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla



also, go here.

> According to today's regulators and
> > > bureaucrats, those
> > > of us who were kids in the 30's, 40's, 50's,
> > > 60's, 70's
> > > or even the early 80's, probably shouldn't
> > > have survived.
> > >
> > > Our baby cribs were covered with bright
> > > colored lead-based
> > > paint. We had no childproof lids or locks on
> > > medicine bottles,
> > > doors, or cabinets, and when we rode our
> > > bikes, we had no
> > > helmets. Not to mention the risks we took
> > > hitchhiking.
> > >
> > > As children, we would ride in cars with no
> > > seat belts or
> > > air bags.
> > >
> > > Riding in the back of a pickup truck on a
> > > warm day was
> > > always a special treat.
> > >
> > > We drank water from the garden hose and not
> > > from a bottle.
> > > Horrors! We ate cupcakes, bread and butter,
> > > and drank soda
> > > Pop with sugar in it, but we were never
> > > overweight because
> > > we were always outside playing.
> > >
> > > We shared one soft drink with four friends,
> > > from one bottle,
> > > and no one actually died from this.
> > >
> > > We would spend hours building our go-carts
> > > out of scraps and
> > > then rode down the hill, only to find out we
> > > forgot the brakes.
> > > After running into the bushes a few times, we
> > > learned to solve
> > > The problem.
> > >
> > > We would leave home in the morning and play
> > > all day, as long
> > > as we were back when the street lights came
> > > on. No one was
> > > able to reach us all day. No cell phones.
> > > Unthinkable!
> > >
> > > We did not have Playstations, Nintendo 64,
> > > X-Boxes, no video
> > > games at all, no 99 channels on cable, video
> > > tape movies,
> > > surround sound, personal cell phones,
> > > personal computers, or
> > > Internet chat rooms. We had friends! We went
> > > outside and
> > > found them.
> > >
> > > We played dodge ball, and sometimes, the ball
> > > would really
> > > hurt. We fell out of trees, got cut and broke
> > > bones and teeth,
> > > and there were no lawsuits from these
> > > accidents. They were
> > > accidents. No one was to blame but us.
> > > Remember accidents?
> > >
> > > We had fights and punched each other and got
> > > black and blue
> > > and learned to get over it.
> > >
> > > We made up games with sticks and tennis balls
> > > and, although
> > > we were told it would happen, we did not put
> > > out any eyes.
> > >
> > > We rode bikes or walked to a friend's home
> > > and knocked on the
> > > door, or rang the bell or just walked in and
> > > talked to them.
> > >
> > > Little League had tryouts and not everyone
> > > made the team.
> > > Those who didn't had to learn to deal with
> > > disappointment.
> > > Some students weren't as smart as others, so
> > > they failed a
> > > grade and were held back to repeat the same
> > > grade. Horrors!
> > > Tests were not adjusted for any reason.
> > >
> > > Our actions were our own. Consequences were
> > > expected.
> > >
> > > The idea of parents bailing us out if we got
> > > in trouble in
> > > school or broke a law was unheard of. They
> > > actually sided
> > > with the school or the law. Imagine that!
> > >
> > > This generation has produced some of the best
> > > risk-takers,
> > > problem solvers, and inventors, ever. We had
> > > freedom, failure,
> > > success, and responsibility and we learned
> > > how to deal with it.
> > >
> > > And you're one of them! Congratulations.
> > >
> > > Please pass this on to others who have had
> > > the luck to grow up as kids before lawyers and
> > > government regulated our lives for our own good !!!

you are violet #EE82EE

Your dominant hues are red and blue. You're confident and like showing people new ideas. You play well with others and can be very influential if you want to be. Your saturation level is lower than average - You don't stress out over things and don't understand people who do. Finishing projects may sometimes be a challenge, but you schedule time as you see fit and the important things all happen in the end, even if not everyone sees your grand master plan. Your outlook on life is bright. You see good things in situations where others may not be able to, and it frustrates you to see them get down on everything.

the spacefem.com html color quiz

Congratulations! You're Merry!


Which Lord of the Rings character and personality problem are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

(1) go to www.google.com
(2) enter "miserable failure" (without quotes) as the search terms
(3) click "i'm feeling lucky!"

I am too blah to bother keeping up with the following things:

-memes
-quizzes
-more memes


So yeah I was in a car accident a few weeks ago, nothing too serious but it left me pretty shaky. The car is fine, just scratched paint on the fender but you shoulda seen the other car, the side all dented in. What are the chances I'd have hit a car of the exact same year and model as mine? Yeah. I'm oh so lucky like that. Now I know what kind of death trap I buckle my kids into all the time. :\ What happened was the car came out in front of me and I couldn't help but hit it. The other lady is fine and so am I and thank god it was in a grocery store, yay for private parking lots meaning no police charges! Once SO found out I was ok he was rather cranky I didn't "wreck the car more" because then we could have "Got a new one". Bah. Men.

Anyway, I'd have written about that before, but the dsl died. IT took about 2 weeks to get a new one, know why? Because our provider sent the replacement one to our old house! We haven't lived there in THREE YEARS, how pathetic.

On the 14th our book reading group got together to discuss the book ME picked, "Madonna: The unauthorized biography". For kicks and giggles we all dressed up like a different type of Madonna. Prizes to those of you who guess correctly which Madonna I was.

I also went to a christening recently but the church now has it set up where they pick one sunday to do it and it's a group effort. so TWELVE babies, 2 7yrold twins, 1 9yrold later, we were all sick of it. The after party was ok, spending time with friends I hadn't seen in a while...

On to more recent stuff:

SO and K have been taking turns being sick since last Thursday. Fun? Hell no. Men and boys are both crankypants when they are sick, gah. K however is his usual hyper self, sickness or no. Kids are amazing that way.

Thursday night was my final exam in the introductory law course I was taking. Now I wait until spring to take the next courses because I fscking hate driving in the winter especially in our area, it's like it's cursed with perpetual bad weather or something. Case in point, on the way home on Thursday it was so foggy I couldn't see two feet in front of me. Imagine doing 100km/h in that sort of weather. Yeah. Real smart, but had no choice, was boxed in by other cars all with some sort of weird death wish. I made it home ok but it was freaky and surreal. Who needs drugs? Come to my town, enjoy our trippy weather!

The exam went pretty well, the essay question I knew the answer to which was so great. I had to stop myself from writing, I ran out of pages.

Friday night was uneventful. Saturday I did a power-clean of the house and prepared food all day for our guests. In spite of his sickness SO insisted that we keep the plans we'd made with his best friend CL and CL's wife, KL. Now KL is pregnant and a vegetarian which made preparing food interesting since SO and CL both wanted steak... anyway there was plenty of food for everyone whether they be carnisaur or veggisaur. C was so cute she kept telling us about the life cycle of pumpkins (she learned in school) and she would change the story from time to time for variety...

Then K decided to get sick, thankfully in the bathroom, but being the mom I was the lucky one who got to spend a 1/2 hr cleaning everything up while everyone else enjoyed not only firsts but seconds of the meal. By the time I was all done to tell the truth I wasn't all that hungry...doubly thankfully, C doesn't seem to have gotten sick yet.

CL & KL stayed for cards after the kids were put to bed. They didn't end up leaving until midnight-ish which was fine but I was so exhausted...and of course didn't get much sleep that night because I was up with K all night. SO thankfully got up with him in the morning so I could get some sleep. But of course, that was not going to happen because C kept coming in asking me to play a game with her that we had made up the day before. When I wouldn't respond (ugh. too tired. go bug dad. mom sleep now.) she would cuddle under the blanket for like, 45 seconds, then poke me in the arm, then ask me stuff. Eventually I gave up and got up with her.

Sunday C and I decided to leave the sick boys to fend for themselves (laying like lumps on the couch) and went to my parents' for a while. Mom made us some tea and then my grandmother came over. Four generations of Sa women sat at the table. It was nice and a bit chaotic, all of us talking at once at some points. I have to say it again, it was nice. This is a big deal because my mother and I have issues at the best of times. Then C stayed at my parents' so she could help my Dad build a snowman, and I came home to spend some time with K, we cuddled on the couch and watched Finding Nemo, his "favoritest movie ever, mum". I sort of fell asleep and woke up in time to go get C again, bring her home and then go out shopping with my mom. On the way I stopped at my grandma's to pick up some things she was donating to a lady at work who lost her house in a bad fire a few weeks ago. I had started taking up collections for her and managed to get her some things to start over, bedding, dishes, etc. from whomever was willing.

Off to the mall with mom. Again, we had a good time together and were exhausted by the end of the day. I haven't had such a nice day with her in a long, long time. Probably because she was too busy to point out the fifty bajillion things that she considers "wrong" about me and my life.

Today was weird weather... sunny then blowy-snowy then sunny then flurries again. The weather has Manic-depression or something.

I had more things to say but I'm spent.

You read all this crap? Wow. You MUST be bored.

came quite close to quitting last friday.

have a final exam on thursday.

feeling restless.

have a bad cold that rendered me fatigued. slept 12 hrs yesterday.

saved a caterpillar today.

feeling happy and sad all at once. gah.

You entered: 7/27/1976
You were born on a Tuesday
under the astrological sign Leo.
Your Life path number is 3.

The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2442986.5.
The golden number for 1976 is 1.
The epact number for 1976 is -1.
The year 1976 was a leap year.

As of 11/23/2003 9:24:00 PM CST
You are 27 years old.
You are 328 months old.
You are 1,426 weeks old.
You are 9,980 days old.
You are 239,541 hours old.
You are 14,372,484 minutes old.
You are 862,349,040 seconds old.

There are 247 days till your next birthday
and 32 days till Christmas!

The moon's phase on the day you were
born was new.

The rumors about Jonathan Brandis are actually true. Last week on Nov. 12 he committed suicide. He was 27.

http://www.minorcon.org/brandis.html

http://tv.zap2it.com/tveditorial/tve_main/1,1002,271%7C84772%7C1%7C,00.html

*the dsl dying
*the snow storm
*the madonna party
*the car accident
*the christening
*the boost in workload
*the sad sad sad

lost internet for a whole lot of time.

miss me? :)

You're "Melt With You" by Modern English.


|| Which 80s Song Are You? ||
brought to you by Quizilla

Well! This was an interesting week-end. Friday afternoon I actually managed to get out of work at the appointed time of 4:30. Went and picked kids up, then came home and made muffins. Of course, the kids fought over who was going to help pour in ingredients, who was going to stir, who was going to crack the egg, who was going to pour into the cups, who was going to eat the first muffin... oi. In any case, the muffins were all gone by noon Saturday...

Saturday the kids and I went and got them new boots before the snow hits. We also got a few groceries. Then came home and made some crafts. While making crafts I threw together some scalloped potatoes for the potluck my volleyball team was having that evening. I dropped the kids off at 4pm and then went over to JM's. (She's the team captain.) Lots of food. It was a bit awkward at first because I hadn't seen most of these people in... well... I can't remember. And some of them were new faces and it was cold shoulder city in some ways. Meh. Ate good food, accepted good hospitality, and participated in a hilarious blind gift exchange which ended up with most of us fighting over who got to keep the porn movie (who the hell brought that? I know but will not tell. And no it wasn't me.) The gift I contributed was: fudge & recipe, 1/2 doz partylite candles (var. smells), a little tin of bath things, hawaiian ginger body mist, a home made diary with quotes from books pasted in all over the place, and something else but I forget now. haha.

Then I dashed outside to see the lunar eclipse... how wonderful. How lovely.

Then I dashed home and the minute I walked in the door I realized... I'd forgotten to buy rye for SO. So back out the door I went and got it in the nick of time. Returned home, picked up SO, and we went on to BE & ME's new home for their housewarming party. It was a good time, with more food, good drink, happy people and an interesting game of charades. Then around midnight things went terribly, terribly wrong. The one girl SS and her ex DS were there and they were together because they've been "trying to work it out once more". Which was fine but DS is... I don't have anything nice to say about him, so I'll keep mum.

Anyway. At one point I was in ME's bedroom downloading music to listen to, then ME & LS & KV & SS were there and we were all talking. Our friend JG came in and then we talked some more while waiting for a CD to burn to bring down to listen to. The CD done, we all traipsed downstairs, JG coming down last and pretending to zip up his fly. Nothing to it, quite harmless and garnered a few laughs. Well! DS flipped out! Started a huge fight with SS in the front hall. This wouldn't be an issue but this is ALWAYS what happens... and sometimes their fights have been known to get physical (that part is hearsay, I have never been present for said rows). So hello! Totally uncomfortable. Everyone decided the only cure was to drink more. DS finally leaves off in a huff and we manage to convince SS to stay with us.

Fine. Situation diffused.

Then a mother of a migraine hits me. WHAM! I'm out for the count on the couch, in agony. LS's husband CS was nice enough to keep a cold cloth on my head, which was a little piece of heaven in the place called migraine hell. Hooray for random acts of kindness!

SO of course was drunk out of his tree and practically sitting in ME's kitchen sink... I was happy he was having a good time, especially among so many new faces, but I was also wishing he'd shut the hell up, pack us up and get us home. He came and checked on me, I told him I needed to go home so I could die in peace, he said ok he'd finish his drink.

...

Three hours later I finally managed to muster the strength to stand up, walk over to him and say "if you want us to remain married, we have to go home. NOW."

We got home alright. 15 minutes later I was lying in bed wishing I had died. then he decides he wants to fool around, which was kind of funny actually...

bla bla bla I'm tired of typing. More later...

So what's this about a lunar eclipse?

I am taking Monday as a day off. Consider it a mental health day.

I've been doing a lot of stuff behind the scenes that might surprise some people.

I've also been doing a tremendous amount of overtime which has resulted in me feeling really, really tired...

My kids have been having nightmares, mostly because mommy has had such sporadic work hours lately... which of course makes me feel like crap. Time to talk to the boss (again).

I'm spread thin like the last knifeful of peanut butter on a giant piece of bread.

I haven't made supper yet. And I don't think I shall. I proclaim today FEND FOR YOURSELF DAY! The kids get sammiches! (They love to "help" make sammiches... usually the sammiches end up looking like robots...)

Mmmm... sammich.

For some reason I've had this song (tourniquet) stuck in my head all day. Which is strange because I have not listened to that particular album in literally years...

So last night I managed to successfully procrastinate from doing the nanowrimo thing by watching back-to-back episodes of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. I would feel guiltier, except I almost NEVER watch tv, so I consider it a treat.

Nyah nyah nanowrimo, I am up to 2.5k words in spite of this procrastination. Which *should* make me feel like panicking, but I can make up for it on the weekend...

yeah. so. i totally suck and didn't write a bit today.

i have up to 1812 words and already i want to erase them all because the stories aren't meshing, right now it feels like one huge stream of consciousness.

the story is somewhat autobiographical which maybe is what is blocking me.

i am trying to fictionalize it but am having issues even doing that... how far is too far and where does it stream completely away from the plot. (WHAT PLOT, says i)

argh! why did i sign up for this again? hehehe

Following the nanowrimo madness, I have started a novel of galactic proportions, titled Of Emus and Angels: A story of a girl trying to make sense of her world. Yes. I am crazy. Because I'm not busy enough. I had signed up and thought it over and mulled it over and not posted about it because I didn't want outside influences to bias my decision...then I promptly forgot my username and had to do it again this morning.

But this is something I *need* to do. Because I miss writing.

I got my test back on Thursday. 30.5/40. The highest mark was 34.5/40. So hurrah!

For Halloween, I dressed up in gawthish clothes and then had fake blood dripping down from my eyes ears and mouth. When people asked me what I was dressed up as I said nothing. When they commented about the blood I said "oh... that. Well, it's my job, you see." When they'd ask what it had to do with anything I would say "Well, I love this job... but it's killing me."

Nobody seemed to sense the irony. hah.

C was a Bratz angel and K was a Kangaroo. We went spookytreating for a good three hours... two huge bags later they were finally tired. haha.

I love Halloween but this year was a little different from other years... not as much enthusiasm for it for some reason. Maybe because the world is scary enough lately.

Have to remember to log overtime I've been doing, else I will not get paid... *sigh*

Time to go fold laundry and put it away, hurrah.

My kids' jackopumpkins look like strongsad and marzipan. RULE!

Must get film for camera.

Last night I should have gone in for overtime because yet again assignments are piling up, but SO wanted to go visit JG in the hospital so off he went. *shrug*

If the plant controller thinks I'll get the B.T.E. receiving mess fixed by Friday, he is seriously demented.

I have to do mega overtime tonight, *sigh* so that means I will get little time to catch up on my reading for class tomorrow. I also get my mid-term back tomorrow, I'm a little nervous about that...

Halloween is quickly approaching, and I have never felt so blase about it in my life. I don't know what's wrong, seriously. Halloween is my most favorite of holidays, and this year I could care less about it... :
I have a doctor's appointment today, which I should go to, but I'm waffling about, because going means taking an hour out of my workday, and in that hour I am guaranteed to have a bajillion things happen, so that the rest of my day when I return will be a complete write-off because I will spend most of it trying to catch up with myself.

But I should go. That whole face-is-still-sorta-numb thing should be looked at.

joyquality, i am sending out your lollipops this friday.

In other news, is this crazy or what? (Link yoinked from a recent jaubertmoniker entry.) I bet end-times prophets are just having a hay-day over it. "Oooh, the sun is burping, the end days are near!"

I have been thinking a lot more about my grandfather lately. My dad's dad. I don't know why... I just keep thinking about the time my Dad said he wanted to hire two coimbra guitarists and get them and my grandfather to perform, and tape it so that he had something to remember him by... and how... shortly after that, came the cancer diagnosis. So it never happened.

Regret is such a hard thing to deal with sometimes.

So last night SO told me his friend was JG hospitalized yesterday, apparently he woke up and couldn't breathe, so his wife took him up to emerg, and guess what? Collapsed lung. Oi. :
That's the thing with him working where he works, they inhale a lot of steel dust which wreaks havoc on their breathing... this is the 2nd person in a few months to be hospitalized for that reason. *sigh*

I still have no idea what I will dress up as on Halloween for work. Hmmm. I may just cop out and do the vamp thing...

My LiveJournal Trick-or-Treat Haul
(name withheld) goes trick-or-treating, dressed up as teen angst.
chrystalm gives you 10 red cinnamon-flavoured jelly beans.
cutiestar tricks you! You lose 2 pieces of candy!
ducky537 gives you 17 purple coffee-flavoured jelly beans.
hemos tricks you! You lose 22 pieces of candy!
kg4yef tricks you! You lose 1 pieces of candy!
moonflower123 tricks you! You lose 1 pieces of candy!
oh_chris gives you 5 red-orange blueberry-flavoured gummy bears.
orangejulius gives you 11 brown passionfruit-flavoured miniature candy bars.
quizro gives you 13 green pineapple-flavoured gumdrops.
radlab0 gives you 14 yellow lime-flavoured wafers.
graceness ends up with 44 pieces of candy.
Go trick-or-treating! Username:
Another fun meme brought to you by rfreebern.

wish i could pick em all. may have to do this several times to see varied results. now i know who the tricksy ones are! aha!

So I still can't feel the left side of my lips. I suppose I should worry, but meh. Likely just afteraffects of the hideous migraine from yesterday. I went in to work today to work on things I'd neglected yesterday since I got sent home and all. People showed up and kept asking me what the hell was I doing there. Uhm, it's called integrity. I said I'd return to finish off some loose ends and by damn, I kept my word. Numb face aside. A guy from Auburn was in today as well because they are moving some of our network thingerdos to that facility. He was very concerned. He knows one of my bosses who works out of Novi, so maybe it will get back to him that I am the oh-so-dedicated worker that he doesn't seem to think I am. Because I am. To an almost blind stupidity.

SO thinks I should go off on stress leave. Hell with that. Can't afford to.

Right now he is watching Bulletproof Monk. AGAIN. I made him a big tray of salsa dip consisting of sour cream, diced tomatoes, diced onion, hot salsa, and shredded mild cheddar on top. He is happily munching on tostitos and that dip stuff. Didn't bother with a formal dinner. Got to love Saturdays. C and K requested the oh-so-posh Pokemon version of "zoodles" for dinner. Who am I to argue? I forget what I ate for supper. I can't recall if I even ate. Hmm. That could be bad.

Mum driving me crazy already. Gave me a lecture on taking better care of myself, because if I don't my entire self will just fall apart, little by little. Right, because I can't possibly know all these things already.

I had initially had November 28 booked off, but it looks like that got nixed by the boss in Novi because "it's a holiday in the US, so nobody will be around to cover it, can you reschedule?" ARGH! Ok, so I'll re-schedule, but the whole point in my taking that day off is because it's the day after my final exam and I wanted a day of relaxation. Fuuuuck.

I feel like writing something but I can't motivate myself to do it coherently. Hrmmmm.

Maybe I should go to bed.

migraine from hell today. complete loss of vision. ended up getting driven from work to hospital where they pumped me full of meds and sent me home. mum picked the kids up, lovely lovely mum. thank god for mothers (tomorrow i will go back to "my mom drives me crazy").

slept for several hours today and now i am wide awake. 1:32 am as i type this. gah.

i have to go to work tomorrow to make up for the work i didn't do today. hurrah!

gonna go try that sleep thing now. nightnight.


My little girl
Drive anywhere
Do what you want
I don't care

Tonight
I'm in the hands of fate
I hand myself
Over on a plate

Now

Oh little girl
There are times when I feel
I'd rather not be
The one behind the wheel

Come
Pull my strings
Watch me move
I'll do anything

Please

Sweet little girl
I prefer
You behind the wheel
And me the passenger

Drive
I'm yours to keep
Do what you want
I'm going cheap

Tonight

You're behind the wheel, tonight

Gleened from my.yahoo.com's daily tips on healthy living:

Chase away the chills with hot tea and you might lower your cholesterol.

In a study of black tea, people who combined a moderately low-fat diet with frequent tea consumption lowered their LDL (bad) cholesterol as much as 8 percent more than people who followed only the diet portion of the cholesterol-lowering plan. Tea also is a rich source of heart-healthy flavoniods.

So yesterday I took a mental health day and skipped class. I have my reading caught up and know someone who will give me notes so I feel NO guilt whatsoever. I ended up messing about with the kids for a while, then I went over to my mom's and we went for a walk, then I helped her get her costume together for a presentation she has to make at work. They are all dressing up as Seuss characters so she is dressing up as the nook with the book on a hook (if you can tell me the reference I will give you a lollipop).

The walking part, while painful (remember: broken toe) was also refreshing and helped me pound out some of the frustration I've been having at work. It was also nice because it is like walking down a road to reparation between my mother and I. We never really talked when I was younger, and now with 45 minutes of walking you can't expect to be silent the whole time, so things are coming out and being discussed and for once she's actually hearing what I have to say. Mainly because she isn't distracted with her "womanly duties" like she is when I try to talk to her when she's at home.

Last night's conversation was about my grandfathers. It's sad that they are both gone now, and I still think about my father's father almost every day. I almost never think of my mother's father but when I do it is mostly anger.

Neither of them were saints but my mother's father was especially bad. And I felt cheated out of a grandfather because I happened to have one who was an abusive alcoholic womanizer who did not give a fuck about his family. I never went to his funeral, a thing I do not regret in the least. I refused to pay my respects to someone who never cared for me. And I refused to watch the hypocrasy that was rampant on that day.

My father's father, while having his own foibles, at the very least I can say he loved me, he loved all us grandkids, and he was around, and he was so... full of life. He had a prescence that just filled the room when he was there. And this big booming laugh. And I remember the last time I saw him, in the hospital, he seemed so small and scared, and I had never seen him like that before. It tore me to pieces and made me feel a thousand things that I cannot articulate right now. I showed him my newborn daughter on that day, at least I can say that he was alive to see his first great-grandchild. I miss him. I can't even begin to say how much.

I didn't mean for this post to turn out meloncholy. I think my mind is trying to do some spring cleaning of sorts (yes yes I know it is autumn shut up).

I have more to say but it is time to get the kids to the babysitter and for me to go to work.

Have a lovely day, folks

http://www.enchantedlearning.com/crafts/halloween/

I pity the foo!

Ever get that feeling. WHere you have a ton of things to say, but you are so very tired, and achey, and you've been crying on and off all day (a difficult thing to accomplish when your workplace is a very public one and you don't have much access to escape). Yeah. I feel like that today.

I almost quit my job today, almost. There are a lot of things going on but I'm too tired to talk about it and nobody gives too much of a rat's ass about it anyway, bla di bla yeah I know waaa waaaa what a pity right?

I'm also very close to telling someone off but I haven't quite reached my plateau of anger. Yeah.

You know what I love about journals? I can write whatever the fuck I want because hey, it's my journal. Nobody is making you read this mess. Nyah nyah.

Phillipe is the bestest ever.

They layed off a few people at work yesterday, therefore today everyone was in panic mode and scurrying around like bees. This would be fine except it seems to have increased my workload 300 per cent.

I was supposed to go for a walk with mom (yes on a broken toe, shut up) tonight but I flaked off because I was too busy feeling sorry for myself. Aren't I a peach?

Me me me me me me me. Me me.

I deserve to be this way sometimes. I get so tired of listening to and caring about other people's crap and getting no return. I tried to articulate how I was feeling today at work and out of five people, only one person understood and actually listened. The other four waited patiently for a break in conversation and I could see from their face they were looking for some way to relate whatever I was saying back to themselves so they could talk about their stuff again. I really hate that. Don't listen if you don't care. Cripes.

I'm also coming to a point in my life where I am finally tired of saying "sure" when I mean "no". What I mean is, I am tired of giving and giving and giving of myself without taking, because fuck that man. What am I teaching my kids by being this way? That it's ok to be a doormat? To do everything for everyone in order to keep the peace? I don't fucking think so. Enough is enough. I miss me. Time to bring her back.

Oh, for pete's sake, people please stop dying already

happy anniversary to me...

SO got me a new desk chair which pleased me muchly, but made me feel bad because all i could afford was a sketch pad and some new sketching pencil set... :\

I keep thinking about things that I need to change to make me feel better about me.

The problem is, in the end, a lot of people are going to be hurt. Well that isn't the true problem. The true problem is, I am caring less and less about whether it will hurt them or not.

p.s. this has nothing to do with family or anything so don't go jumping to conclusions.

hah!

Tomorrow is my 3 yr wedding anniversary with SO. Boy howdy, did that go by quickly. We're both broke so it is going to be very low-key. I did manage to get him a nice sketchbook, though. I am on the hunt for a nice fountain pen for him (for inking his sketches). Hopefully I'll find him one by christmas. What I *really* would like to get him is a nice graphics tablet. Hmmm.

So. Sleepy.

My favoritest time of year is coming up, and I feel completely unprepared for it. I usually figure out my costume for the year by beginning of September, and it is now mid-October and I still have no clue what to do! I figured I might recycle one of my old costume ideas, but meh. This whole work/school/work/work/work/work/work/wor

k/work/work/work thing is making me lose my excitement for the one holiday I ALWAYS partake in, no matter what. *sigh*

I've been playing with my dotcom again, because it looked like ass before. So now it looks a little better, but has no content because I'm too lazy to format it all right now. Ha. I suck.

I've just finished up a spreadsheet for work that I did from the comfort of my own home, tra la la. Fie on you, work! FIE!

Someone was murdered last night. Here are the details from our local radio station:

Police Response: Stfd Police are involved in a major investigation in the West Gore and Cambria area of the city. No confirmed details have been made to CJCS by the Police Department, CJCS will pass them on when they become available.

Nice details, non? Yeah. Murder is such a big deal these parts, because it "conflicts with the festive atmosphere we attempt to present to our tourist population". I kid you not, a local official once told me this. Murders and other things are covered up for 7 of the 12 months out of the year. If they are covered, it is as low-key as possible. Ridiculous.

Anyway. I forget what I was going to say. Guh.

Today is big bossaman day at work. I wonder if it still smells like fresh paint in my area? That would be comical! Rath's Roses was called to bring us some cinnamon apple thingers to make it smell nice, we'll see if it does the trick.

Today is also picture day for C at school. I'm a little concerned; she complained of a tummy ache this morning... I hope she feels ok now :\ I had misgivings about sending her to school today, but she insisted...

I appears that my body has agreed to house a nasty chest cold for the time being. Thus I sound more like a chain-smoking-bourbon-slinging old lady than ever. This should make the phone-answering part of my job interesting!(I could also probably blame the coming on of this chest cold to my recent fall back into smoking (ugh!) menthol cigarettes, as they seemed to be the only ones handy at the time (thank you fellow workmate) but that day just happened to be a cigarette kind of day.

Tonight I'm off to school, hopefully. If C is sick I won't be going anywhere, thus missing yet another class... *sigh*

My cousin V called me last night and we talked till about midnight, which was nice, we talked about all sorts of things and more or less crammed 3 weeks worth of talk into two hours. But now I am very, very tired. Guh. Woke up at 4 am completely wide awake; it ended in productivity though, as I had a few things to do that were forgotten the night previous.

p.s. my toe *is* broken. it was popped neatly back into line and is now taped to the other toe. I must somehow make wearings slippers to work more fashionable. Will keep up to date on my progress in this matter.

I went in to work yesterday and today. Today I could have stayed longer but decided enough is enough and brought some home. I have yet to do what I brought home. Instead I have been browsing ibdreamy's livejournal layouts. Some are pretty damn cool; a lot of it is revolved around particular themes (evanescence, fight club, retro pinup girls) but those can be replaced with whatever photothingamagigs you wanted. Yay for wasting time! We'll see if I use any of these... hmm...

happy birthday, flamingweasel!

So I've been up with K since 3 because he's sick. Yet again I am cornered with the daunting decision of "do I stay home? or do I suck it up, send him to the babysitter anyway, and go to work?" Being a mom is so tricky sometimes. I will see how he feels when he wakes up in a few hours.

I have a mid-term test tonight, and am very nervous about it. There is only so much information I can cram into my head. Trying to fit a pint's worth of information into a shotglass of a brain. Yeah. Spillage everywhere. So I am going to dress up extra nicely, thus tricking myself into believing that if I *look* successful, I will *be* so.

According to my oh-so-clever Shoebox(tm) day planner, today is National Boss's Day. I wonder, which nation is it that is celebrating this auspicious day? If it were all nations, surely they would call it International Boss's Day? I can just see the fabulous Boss Day parades, with over-worked secretaries tapdancing down the street with their dictophones and somewhere a float with a big brass band blaring out "Nine to Five". And people dressed up as the cast of Dilbert throwing memo pads and paperclip chains out into the crowds. Ok. Clearly I need more sleep. To celebrate this day I made fudge, which I may or may not share with my boss.

on Saturday, I went over to visit my parents a bit while they were preparing for Sunday's festivities. Mom pulled out the 26 lb turkey to prepare it ahead of time. My son took one look at it and asked, "Mootie (their pet name for my mother), are we having DINOSAUR for thanksgiving?"

No word of a lie.

So the old Cooper plant downtown is burning up as we speak. Cloud black and big enough to see from our home (a good 40 minute jaunt - by foot - away). reluctance, I believe we walked by this building when you came to visit last year. It's around the train station-ish. There was a lot of shit in that plant so no doubt the clouds are contaminated with toxic fumes... and yet people are finding it necessary to bring their kids out to see it.

The funny thing is, there has been a lot of controversy of late surrounding this old building; it is located in what the city believes would be the perfect spot to build a parking garage. The locals have protested the inevitable taxation that would occur to cover cost of the removal of this building. There is a lot of crap underground they'd have to get rid of. The ground the building stood on is so polluted they would literally have to ship it off to the dump.

One can't help but wonder if the fire was set on purpose, to get rid of the eyesore of the building and save the city a fabulous amount of de-construction money...

...and this is happening on an election year as well. I can just see the campaigns now...

I would *so* be a sweathog, hahaha

So I ended up coming home early from work to pick C up from school. *sigh* The poor little bug is sleeping on the couch now; my in-laws are going to pick Kevin up from the babysitters.

This is fine, I just wish I didn't have to call eleventy-billion people before leaving. Seriously. If I have to call in sick, I call my first boss, my second boss, plant 1, 2, 3, 4, 6, and 8, Chrysler's broker, GM's broker, Ford's broker, Stats Canada, our purchasing department, the back-up switchboard operator, and the accounting department. So nine times out of ten? I go in sick anyway. So. Since I had to leave early to pick C up from school, not only did I have to call all these people, I had to make sure all loose ends were tied up and promise to return sometime tonight to do the batch of commercial invoices for the early-hours shipments for tomorrow. Yesh. It sucks. Also I had to scramble to find someone to cover the front desk duties, which was like pulling teeth. fuuuuuuck.

Being a mom is so hard some days. My only instinct was to drop everything and get her; instead I had to dance circles before leaving. Thus, it took 45 minutes to leave. *sigh*

Now I am having second thoughts about going to school tonight, because I hate leaving my kids when they are sick. Also, I would have to go to work immediately after school at odd hours to fulfill my obligation there. What a mess. I just want to cry, because I have wanted to go back so badly, and now that I'm back I keep having to miss it because of other obligations. I am putting my own self on the back burner to fill up everybody else's agenda. It is almost sickening. The motherhood bit is not the issue here. It's all the other crap. :'(

Why am I even bothering to write all this down? Blah bla bla waaaa waaaa. SHut up, right? Right.

So bigwigs of our company from all corners are coming either today or tomorrow. Which means everybody is on full tight-pants mode. Scurrying to get things done, and I have to laugh because you just know the wigs will come in and smell the new paint, see the waxed floors, and know we scraped it all together at the last minute, even though they gave us a month's notice of the visit. Goes to show you, organization is caput these days.

I've been asked to wear my Sunday bestest (read: put on a damn skirt for once) as I am at the front desk and therefore the first person they get to see. Smile pretty. Laugh at their jokes. Etc. I detest these things but I am good at putting on the face for them, so.

Tomorrow is also picture day for my daughter at school. She's pretty excited about it but also a little worried, she doesn't like photographer types, she says they give her the heebie-jeebies. Must be all that waving puppets in her face when she was littler to get her to smile. Can't say as I blame her.

My son has a cold and I think I'm getting one as well. I think it's from all the zig-zagging the weather has been doing of late. Just what I need, a freaking cold. Bleh.

A friend of mine is in hospital from bad diabetic attack, has been since Friday. I can't say that I am too surprised; he has a rather lax attitude towards his diabetes, regardless of the fact that he was diagnosed at 12-13, he doesn't do the blood sugar testing or any of that nonsense, just takes his insulin when he feels he needs to, and eats whatever, etc. I am a little worried about him, and am hoping he pulls together fine.

This link is for quizro, just in case he needs to build a rocket: http://www.crack-a-jack.com/rocket/index.html

Time for work now. Tick-tock.

I think I might have broken my left baby toe last night.

Also: This weekend is (Canuck) thanksgiving. Must remember to call mother and contribute something as it will be a big one (read: lots of family) this year.

Also to break from the monotony of the phone-answering segment of my job, I have taken to putting on various accents throughout the day. It makes it interesting when someone calls for a second time that day and is greeted by a completely different accent than the prior call. ha!

I have taken it upon myself to put old photos into a scrapbook, because as of this point they have been doing nothing but holding down cardboard boxes. Yeah. It's interesting and is actually pretty stress-relieving.

School is interesting, though I find our talks always turn out political rather than remaining on the subject ie: history of law. Mind you law and politics are rather closely linked... and I wouldn't mind, but our debates end up being about American politics, which is silly when taking a Canadian course...

.

.

.

...did I mention I think I broke my toe? Because it really, really hurts. And it's all purple and stuff. And no, I haven't seen a doctor, and no, I likely won't. I'll just get a splint or something.

Saw "Bowling for Columbine" and "Bend it Like Beckham" on Sunday. An interesting mix, yes. I have come to the conclusion that I am a DVD-aholic, pathetically enough I buy DVD's only to see the behind-the-scenes stuff, all the features. Sometimes I could care less about ever seeing the movie again; I just want to know all it's secrets! I love looking for the easter eggs too.

The wedding that SO was best man for on Sept. 27th was interesting... two ministers, one Zion, one Presbyterian, were presiding. It was at 5 o'clock which was extra weird because the bride comes from the farm and that's still chore time for most people. In any case. The reception was nice and a man I know from work's band was playing, they are quite good actually. It was nice to see old friends but depressing as well when I came to the realization that our circle was closing in and that we had no more weddings to go to. heh.

I have more to say but also have a ton of stuff to do. So. Yeah.

Holy cats batman. Time to stop eating... whatever it is that brings up dreams like this.

Ok. Details already getting fuzzy, but here is the gyst:

Peter Steele (you read that right) was there as this weird surreal guardian angel type who also solved mysteries in his spare time (talk about fucked up, imagine Peter Steele as Nancy Drew! hahahhaa) Anyway... we were in this house I didn't recognize playing pool or something else mundane and then it got all twisted and I was talking to an ex boyfriend and he was talking to me like we were still an item. For some reason my hair was also really short, I'm not sure why I dwelled on that bit of it, maybe time for a haircut? ha!

I know I keep digressing but it's sort of like catching wisps of spider web, it goes all over the place and I have to keep coming back to the center to make any sort of sense of it. Ok. So. I end up "breaking up" with him yet again and he's this huge mess of a person and starts going off about how he'll die if we break up or somesuch rot. Then Peter kicks him out with some weird superpower, he literally flies up in the air, hovers over him and KICKS him out of the house. Then a friend from work is there and for some reason we are in this room full of costumes and my friend and I are trying them on and laughing our heads off (no, not literally, har har) and then she goes to go to sleep.

But my ex comes up and sneaks into her room and tries to mount her!?! But for some reason I knew he was going to do that so I ended up barging in and catching him and throwing him across the room and then my friend wakes up from her sleep and panicked and had no clue what was going on. I explained it to her and she couldn't believe me so I showed her a piece of tissue that had semen on it and muttered something about the proof being in the pudding. Amusing! Then the Mr. Steele type dude comes in and makes peace between us all and then we are all in this one room, crowd of people resting on these really old marble stairs.

So my ex is sitting in the lap of this one person and he sees us and starts to get up to attempt some sort of communication with us but then suddenly lightning comes from the sky and hits him dead center in the chest. There's this huge hole in his chest and he is sitting there burbling blood out of his mouth and dying and I feel not one bit of remorse or pity or anything. I just keep staring at the hole and feeling anger towards him well up inside me. Then Peter tells me "he's dead, peach, let him go, you do not need his memory anymore" and we turn away from the corpse and that's all I am remembering now. Very bizarre.

belated birthday hugs to oh_chris, whom i forgot to call this year. it was also my ducky537's birthday, whom i remembered to call this year. i can't win for losing.

lot happened over the weekend. but no time to tell it.

I am now doing four jobs for the price of one.

Ridiculous. But true.

Please shoot me.

I wasn't aware things could get any more stressful than they have been lately. Clearly I was mistaken.

Yesterday I processed FOUR HUNDRED invoices, twice the normal capacity, and the phone would not. stop. ringing. I felt like a fucking parrot. "Good [morning/afternoon], [company name]" over and over and over. Or people calling the switchboard from within the company because they are TOO LAZY TO LOOK A NUMBER UP IN THE DIRECTORY. It takes five seconds. Cripes. (I initially typed that as crepes. Mmmmm, crepes. I could go for some of those right now)

Anyway, so after stressful day at workplace, and feeling tired from coming home so late from school last night, I was in no mood for anything but a hot bath. But a hot bath was not to be had. I picked up the kids and realized we needed groceries so damn, to the grocery store we went, C whining the entire time because she wanted McDonald's, and I was having none of that nonsense today. I managed to settle her down by the time we got to the store. She was tired too as was K; none of us have been sleeping well lately. I don't know if it is that the kids sense the tension in me or if they are just tense themselves lately.

At the grocery store I managed to acquire their Halloween costumes; clearly this was the high point of my day! (Have I ever mentioned how very much I love Halloween? Always have)

I asked K what he wanted to be and his answer was a cheerful "KANGAROO, MOM!" I panicked a little, because what are the chances of there being a freaking kangaroo costume there, right? Well! Lo and behold, there was! With a baby kangaroo in the pouch and everything. K's latest obsession with kangaroos stems from that movie, Kangaroo Jack, which we have now watched at least eleventy billion times. C found a Bratz costume that allowed her to dress up like an angel, but a funky sort of angel. I dunno. It looks neat. Costumes in tow, I pulled them through the grocery store and got our necessities.

Two hundred dollars later (isn't the cost of produce such a killer? It costs a bank to eat healthy. Shameful!) we get out of the grocery store in one piece only to have C crying because I didn't buy her a toy, well let me tell you I snapped! I normally am pretty patient with my kids but that was enough. I refuse to have her growing up thinking she can get what she wants when she wants just because she wants it. And I told her exactly that. We got home and I packed their costumes away (which resulted in their both crying because they wanted to wear them...RIGHT NOW MOM) and got them their supper.

It is an amazing feature some moms have, drowning out their kids' tired noises. I wish I knew the switch that turns it all off. I don't. There is this very poignant speech that Michelle Pfeiffer's character Rita in the movie Sam I Am makes, about how utterly frustrating it is sometimes to be a parent, how some days you wake up and you feel like you've already failed, before you even make it out the door. I cry every time I hear this speech because, as a parent, I know, I know EXACTLY what she is saying, and I defy any parent not to have felt it before, that awful feeling like you are a complete and total failure.

It's funny, on the weekend, when I was visiting with some cousins/my aunt NP, my aunt massaged my hand and she was freaked out at how tense it was. It actually hurt me to have her massage it. My back was rock-hard. I am so high strung. Most of it is from work. I had an interesting conversation with my cousin V in which I asked (rather rhetorically) why I always do this to myself, this overbooking of myself so that I don't know up from down anymore, my hours so completely packed full that I am a mess and am hard-pressed to find breathing room. She said (tongue planted firmly in cheek) that I (and she for that matter) thrive on that sort of thing. If we didn't do it, our bodies, minds, would completely break down.

And the scary thing is, she is absolutely right.

So how do I stop it? Because it feels like if I keep doing this, I am going to break down completely regardless of it.

I'm just hitting on the tip of a rather large ice berg. But I'm too tired to spell it all out. Nothing more to see here folks.

between work and getting sick (really, really sick) and school (yes! school!) i have been so completely worn out that i don't know what to do.

i miss people.

i'm a mess.

had huge long conversation with SO that was maybe good, maybe bad, i don't really know where it was going but at the end of it we were both pretty worn out.

i'm tired, it's time to go to work. i'm going to snap soon from the pressure. oh well. it's a job, it's a job, it's a job, and who cares about the fact that i am filling up my hours with this bullcrap.

hands gripped to the wheel held too tight to feel
face pressed to the glass please don't ask
one more breath now one more
it's alright
i could never give enough have enough be enough
you could never stand to stay there

Johnny AND John...

what IS it with all these people dying? Do they know something we don't? Is it time to jump ship?

You know that episode of the Twighlight Zone, where that lady has a medallion that gives her the power to stop everything in its tracks when she says "shut up"?

...I kind of wish I had that today.

What is the funniest thing you've done to impress someone?

*sigh*


...bad day.


I tried to forget but I couldn't. It might explain the strange dream too. :\

We passed upon the stair, we spoke of was and when
Although I wasn't there, he said I was his friend
Which came as some surprise I spoke into his eyes
I thought you died alone, a long long time ago

I just had a really messed up dream about SO dying in an explosion at work. Except he was at a building in Germany at the time. And I didn't find out about it until 3 days after, when they'd already buried him.

I spent most of the dream between almost exploding myself with grief, and then beating things up in anger. Yeah.

Then it twisted into this messed up conspiracy where someone specifically wanted him to die and I had to figure out who and nobody was willing to help me, I can't explain a lot of it because it's all messed up in my head now.

It was one of those dreams where you are participating in your body instead of being quiet observer, if that makes any sense. While that made it seem more real to me, it also made it seem a little surreal.

Near the end I was pushed off a building and caught up by a beam of light that brought me back to the top again, and then the beam turned into SO, and I woke up crying.

Yeah I don't know either. Maybe it's because I'm fighting off sickness.

(Soundtrack for my life meme)

Still working on it...

01. opening credits: Blind Melon - Change
02. waking up scene: Cowboy Junkies - Sun Comes Up, It's Tuesday Morning
03. average day scene: The Shins - Pressed in a Book
04. first kiss scene: Songs: Ohia - Tigress
05. first date scene: The Strokes - Barely Legal
06. fight with a friend scene: A Perfect Circle - 3 Libras
07. break-up scene: The Cardigans - Erase/Rewind
08. get back together scene: Rolling Stones - Under My Thumb
09. fight at home scene: Local H - Bound for the Floor
10. depressing scene: VNV Nation - Forsaken (vocal version)
11. life's ok scene: Syd Barret - Effervescing Elephant
12. heartbreak scene: Rilo Kiley - Bulletproof
13. love scene: Depeche Mode - Never Let Me Down Again
14. mental breakdown scene: Joydrop - Sometimes Wanna Die
15. driving scene: Depeche Mode - Behind the Wheel
16. lesson learning scene: Red House Painters - Have You Forgotten
17. deep thought scene: Leonard Cohen - Famous Blue Raincoat
18. flash-back scene: Massive Attack - Black Milk
19. party scene: Marvin Gaye - Got To Give It Up
20. happy/crazy dance scene: Harry Nilsson - Coconut
21. night driving scene: REM - Half A World Away
22. regret scene: Tool - Opiate
23. long night alone scene: Frank Black & The Catholics - 85 Weeks
24. death scene: Counting Crows - Round Here
25. closing credits: Jeff Buckley - Corpus Christi Carol

..and now you can commence laughing at me. ;p Meh. I'd probably think of a better list if I gave it more thought. But that's what came to mind with the themes...

GUESS WHAT I GOT TODAY!

I totally had a horrid day until I got home and there was a card on my door telling me a florist had come by, but I wasn't home yet...

...well! The florist is in a town 45 minutes away :/ so I called them up and they said they'd send it to my workplace tomorrow, but NO NEED, for my neighbor picked them up for me and there was soon a knock on my door after I got in to give them to me.

GORGEOUS FLOWERS and all my favorite kinds!

And of course you all are curious to know whom would be so kind as to brighten my day, and some of you may be shocked to hear... it was...

kg4yef!!

So thank you. And you were right, I needed that. :)

woeirashgsdg

addendum: the vase was cool and had two lemons (yes real lemons) floating in them, adding extra rays of sunshine! huzzah!

had a bad day again
she said I would not understand
she left a note
and said "i'm sorry, i
had a bad day again"

i'm feeling icky and bleh. kevin has an earache, poor little bug. celeste is moody from either lack of sleep or too much stuff going on during the weekend. she goes to school september 13th. she can't wait!

She spilled her coffee, broke her shoelace
Smeared the lipstick on her face
Slammed the door and said i'm sorry i
Had a bad day again

dude, that is totally me today, right down to the fucking shoelace.

ok i'm going to go cry or whatever it is girls do when they're upset and have nowhere to release it all. maybe i'm still hurting from this grandfather dying business. i don't know.

...is it so wrong to cry?

(it feels like it is wrong)

and all that's going on in my head is

(i loved you i hated you i love you i hate you god damn you you left you fucking bastard and you left us all and you left us all and you left us all you fucker)

this isn't healthy. i need a nap.

as if.

So tonight I have to host the discussion for the recent book our book-reading group is doing because I chose the last one we read. After reading a series of really crappy books I decided I didn't want to waste my summer reading something I didn't want to so I decided to inflict "Bridget Jones' Diary" on the poor souls. Since I'd already read it, it gave me 6 weeks of freedom from the group (we do a new book every 6 wks, names are drawn to see who picks the book at the meeting, ble ble ble)

So anyway, I decided to have fun with this, so I made little Bridget jones diaries, by writing out snippets of funny bits from the book on word and cutting them out and pasting them on random pages in blank diaries I bought at the dollar store. Crafty am I, huzzah! Then I'm going to quiz them on it to see if they really read it or just cheated and watched the movie, in which case they'll FAIL and not receive FABULOUS PRIZES from me. hahah. I will also be serving wine and chocolates, you know, going by the theme and all.

Yes. I was bored. Leave me be.

Time to go back to work. Blah. I don't wanna.

http://www.paulharvey.com/

Quiet Girl


What kind of little girl were YOU?
brought to you by Quizilla

my baby brudda moved into an apartment with his girlfriend yesterday. these times, they are a-changin... it makes me a little weepy to think about it.

which is silly, really, he's 26 this year. bah. i can't make y'all understand. he understands though.

family is pretty important to me, and my brother is one of my closest friends. likely because we moved around so much as kids, we only had each other as a stable, constant friend. the only one in my family who might be closer would be my cousin v.

i don't really know why i'm talking about this.

i feel sleepy.

c goes back to school today.

i need toast. and a hug. hugtoast!

ahhh! now i have a split on my bottom lip, i'm not sure how, i smacked into a wall so maybe it's from that. yeah. i was tired, it was middle of night, i couldn't see. ok? it could have happened to anyone, i tells ya! this top/bottom lip thing is making eating fun, i can tell you that. grumblefuck.

C goes to school tomorrow and has been making up every excuse in the book to stay up because she is wayyyy too excited to sleep. but she needs her rest.

buying K his own knapsack even though he isn't going to school payed off as well. he was pretty damn proud of it, carrying it on his back around the house while c and i made her lunch for tomorrow.

there's a kid in her class deathly allergic to nuts, and another kid deathly allergic to eggs and milk products. guess how fun it was to figure out what to pack? yeah. Well. her teacher this year was actually pretty cool about that, sent us a list of do's and don'ts. did you know fruit roll-ups contain traces of peanuts? yeah.

anyway. tune in next time for yet another episode of MY BORING LIFE. maybe i'll have another disastrous day, i'm about due...

I suppose I should post a real post, hmm?

Let's see what's new... my son kicked me in the face when I was tickling him so now I have a big split on my top lip and it hurts like hell. The place where the split is keeps rubbing against my gums which is worrying it rather than letting it heal. Waa waaa I hurts, momma.

C is DYING to go to school on Tuesday, it cannot come fast enough! I took the day off from work to take her to school. She's especially happy about that. I almost never get the chance to take her because of my work schedule, usually it is either SO or SO's Dad. So when I get to do it she is ecstatic.

Some people at work can't understand why I'd take that first day of school off, but it's important to me. It's important to me to make sure that my kids realize in spite of the fact that I work 45-50 hour weeks, come home crabby, etc, they are everything to me and I want to be there for the little milestones in their lives. I purposely didn't go back to work for the first 18 months of both their lives, so I could see all those firsts. Money was incredibly tight back then but it was worth it. Last year I lied about doctor's appointments etc just so I could go to parent-teacher things, how pathetic is that? You know what's even more pathetic? Most of the women at my jobplace who have kids, do this. But the men can announce "I have to go to a parent-teacher thing" and everyone praises him for being the attentive father. If a woman says it, it's "no way you have these fifty bajillion things to do, we are not going to let you have the time". Gotta love balance in the workplace. *grumblefuck*

K is going to be incredibly jealous; he wants to go to school so badly it hurts. I made sure to get him his own special knapsack to take to the babysitter's though so that at least he has something new too. Also got him some new crayons and paper. He loves to draw, they both do. Unfortunately C has taken to drawing on the wall again.

Oh! C drew a picture of Trogdor the Burninator that is just priceless... maybe I'll scan it and post it, if y'all are interested in seeing a five year old's viewpoint.

Speaking of back to school, I myself am going back part time (because I didn't have enough to do! ) to study to be a Municipal Law Clerk. You know, the people who do all the dirty work for lawyers and get paid 1/4th the price. This may seem like an odd choice for me, but honestly I like this sort of thing, and the Sociology program I took at UWO was fine and all but doesn't do much job-wise.

Anyway, time to go make breakfast. Mmm. Breakfast.