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So much going on lately. I think I may scream from it.
Posted by Slowplum
on
9/20/2003 08:09:00 AM
Yesterday I processed FOUR HUNDRED invoices, twice the normal capacity, and the phone would not. stop. ringing. I felt like a fucking parrot. "Good [morning/afternoon], [company name]" over and over and over. Or people calling the switchboard from within the company because they are TOO LAZY TO LOOK A NUMBER UP IN THE DIRECTORY. It takes five seconds. Cripes. (I initially typed that as crepes. Mmmmm, crepes. I could go for some of those right now)
Anyway, so after stressful day at workplace, and feeling tired from coming home so late from school last night, I was in no mood for anything but a hot bath. But a hot bath was not to be had. I picked up the kids and realized we needed groceries so damn, to the grocery store we went, C whining the entire time because she wanted McDonald's, and I was having none of that nonsense today. I managed to settle her down by the time we got to the store. She was tired too as was K; none of us have been sleeping well lately. I don't know if it is that the kids sense the tension in me or if they are just tense themselves lately.
At the grocery store I managed to acquire their Halloween costumes; clearly this was the high point of my day! (Have I ever mentioned how very much I love Halloween? Always have)
I asked K what he wanted to be and his answer was a cheerful "KANGAROO, MOM!" I panicked a little, because what are the chances of there being a freaking kangaroo costume there, right? Well! Lo and behold, there was! With a baby kangaroo in the pouch and everything. K's latest obsession with kangaroos stems from that movie, Kangaroo Jack, which we have now watched at least eleventy billion times. C found a Bratz costume that allowed her to dress up like an angel, but a funky sort of angel. I dunno. It looks neat. Costumes in tow, I pulled them through the grocery store and got our necessities.
Two hundred dollars later (isn't the cost of produce such a killer? It costs a bank to eat healthy. Shameful!) we get out of the grocery store in one piece only to have C crying because I didn't buy her a toy, well let me tell you I snapped! I normally am pretty patient with my kids but that was enough. I refuse to have her growing up thinking she can get what she wants when she wants just because she wants it. And I told her exactly that. We got home and I packed their costumes away (which resulted in their both crying because they wanted to wear them...RIGHT NOW MOM) and got them their supper.
It is an amazing feature some moms have, drowning out their kids' tired noises. I wish I knew the switch that turns it all off. I don't. There is this very poignant speech that Michelle Pfeiffer's character Rita in the movie Sam I Am makes, about how utterly frustrating it is sometimes to be a parent, how some days you wake up and you feel like you've already failed, before you even make it out the door. I cry every time I hear this speech because, as a parent, I know, I know EXACTLY what she is saying, and I defy any parent not to have felt it before, that awful feeling like you are a complete and total failure.
It's funny, on the weekend, when I was visiting with some cousins/my aunt NP, my aunt massaged my hand and she was freaked out at how tense it was. It actually hurt me to have her massage it. My back was rock-hard. I am so high strung. Most of it is from work. I had an interesting conversation with my cousin V in which I asked (rather rhetorically) why I always do this to myself, this overbooking of myself so that I don't know up from down anymore, my hours so completely packed full that I am a mess and am hard-pressed to find breathing room. She said (tongue planted firmly in cheek) that I (and she for that matter) thrive on that sort of thing. If we didn't do it, our bodies, minds, would completely break down.
And the scary thing is, she is absolutely right.
So how do I stop it? Because it feels like if I keep doing this, I am going to break down completely regardless of it.
I'm just hitting on the tip of a rather large ice berg. But I'm too tired to spell it all out. Nothing more to see here folks.
Anyway, so after stressful day at workplace, and feeling tired from coming home so late from school last night, I was in no mood for anything but a hot bath. But a hot bath was not to be had. I picked up the kids and realized we needed groceries so damn, to the grocery store we went, C whining the entire time because she wanted McDonald's, and I was having none of that nonsense today. I managed to settle her down by the time we got to the store. She was tired too as was K; none of us have been sleeping well lately. I don't know if it is that the kids sense the tension in me or if they are just tense themselves lately.
At the grocery store I managed to acquire their Halloween costumes; clearly this was the high point of my day! (Have I ever mentioned how very much I love Halloween? Always have)
I asked K what he wanted to be and his answer was a cheerful "KANGAROO, MOM!" I panicked a little, because what are the chances of there being a freaking kangaroo costume there, right? Well! Lo and behold, there was! With a baby kangaroo in the pouch and everything. K's latest obsession with kangaroos stems from that movie, Kangaroo Jack, which we have now watched at least eleventy billion times. C found a Bratz costume that allowed her to dress up like an angel, but a funky sort of angel. I dunno. It looks neat. Costumes in tow, I pulled them through the grocery store and got our necessities.
Two hundred dollars later (isn't the cost of produce such a killer? It costs a bank to eat healthy. Shameful!) we get out of the grocery store in one piece only to have C crying because I didn't buy her a toy, well let me tell you I snapped! I normally am pretty patient with my kids but that was enough. I refuse to have her growing up thinking she can get what she wants when she wants just because she wants it. And I told her exactly that. We got home and I packed their costumes away (which resulted in their both crying because they wanted to wear them...RIGHT NOW MOM) and got them their supper.
It is an amazing feature some moms have, drowning out their kids' tired noises. I wish I knew the switch that turns it all off. I don't. There is this very poignant speech that Michelle Pfeiffer's character Rita in the movie Sam I Am makes, about how utterly frustrating it is sometimes to be a parent, how some days you wake up and you feel like you've already failed, before you even make it out the door. I cry every time I hear this speech because, as a parent, I know, I know EXACTLY what she is saying, and I defy any parent not to have felt it before, that awful feeling like you are a complete and total failure.
It's funny, on the weekend, when I was visiting with some cousins/my aunt NP, my aunt massaged my hand and she was freaked out at how tense it was. It actually hurt me to have her massage it. My back was rock-hard. I am so high strung. Most of it is from work. I had an interesting conversation with my cousin V in which I asked (rather rhetorically) why I always do this to myself, this overbooking of myself so that I don't know up from down anymore, my hours so completely packed full that I am a mess and am hard-pressed to find breathing room. She said (tongue planted firmly in cheek) that I (and she for that matter) thrive on that sort of thing. If we didn't do it, our bodies, minds, would completely break down.
And the scary thing is, she is absolutely right.
So how do I stop it? Because it feels like if I keep doing this, I am going to break down completely regardless of it.
I'm just hitting on the tip of a rather large ice berg. But I'm too tired to spell it all out. Nothing more to see here folks.