Doug: "Steve, slow down."
Steve: "I can't help it man, it's hottie overload!"
Doug: "Just pace yourself."
Steve: "Ok... What's up? ...2, 3, 4. What's up? ...2, 3, 4..."
(A Night at the Roxbury)

So after much cajoling on the parts of quite a few people, I joined up facebook.

As a result, I've come across people I haven't seen in years and years. Kind of spooky, kind of awesome. Kind of addicting, mostly because as I said, I've come across people that require a lot of catching up with. But even with the people I see more regularly, it's a nice feature, with a messaging system that allows for short notes rather than lengthy emails (though I still love writing those).

Being completely bored last night, facebook amused me greatly. More specifically, messaging on facebook. You know who you are.

Sister in law is coming over tonight, we're going to drink and bake. Girl's had a rough week.

Tomorrow S the kids and I are going to my cousin Lola's. It's been a while since we've visited her and her hubby, so I'm looking forward to it. Initially we had planned for it to be just S and I, but the way the week's gone we're better off taking the kids too.

I need to look into getting a new blowdryer. My hair was a scary tousled mess yesterday. Strangely enough I got compliments on it? I didn't realize the bed-head look was a good one for me. I'd ask for S's opinion but he's a smarmster.

S & I were invited to take a trip with Hammer & her hubby - unfortunately it's a no-go, but for a brief flickering minute it was a possibility. Damnit. For once it has nothing to do with funds, so much as being able to take time off. Le sigh. Were it not for my previous issues, this wouldn't be a problem.

Ok I have a million things to do before work (as usual) so I'm off!

I don't care what anyone says. Will Farrell is pretty damn funny.

Got in touch with Senor D, which is strange as I probably haven't seen or heard from him in about 15 years I think? 14? Something like that. He's going to wrack his brain for stories about the soon-to-be Groom that are PG-rated but still funny. This may take a while, good thing we have a few months till the wedding.

Memo to self: buck and doe meeting April 13.

Feeling kind of lazy this morning, took a shower later than usual and now my hair is all wet. And I hate using a blowdryer - I have too much hair, it practically kills the damn things. In fact I don't even know if I have one. Wet hair to work it is.

Spring has sprung, and I feel terrific about that let me tell you. I'm a sun worshipper and hate how the past winter has really cramped being able to be out for more than a few seconds at a time.

It was crazy hair & backwards day at the kids' school. K wanted a faux-hawk and C wanted a bunch of ponies in her hair. K insisted on even having his backpack on backwords today. I think the school spirit days are great but at the same time a little ridiculous. Like how they have the pajama day in the middle of November. Say what? You read that right. It's usually freezing out and there the kids are in their flannels all day.

S made us broiled salmon and an asian stirfry and rice last night. I know the saying usually goes that the way to a man's heart is through his ribcage-er, stomach, but I think it goes both ways. Walking into the door last night and smelling that delicious smell of pepper and other such things was just... damn, my mouth's watering just now thinking about it.

All right. Enough procrastinating and time to get myself to work.

So the last post? That was my one thousandth post on this blog.

Huh.

That's either pretty impressive, or pretty pathetic, or the most likely: a mixture of both.

If I were better at keeping people up to date I'd probably have made 1000 long ago. Go Team Procrastination!

Walked to work today which was wonderful and I felt the sun on my face and the birds were twittering and I felt alive. Almost like I'd forgotten what that felt like a little. That's what spring usually does to me.

I'm worried about my sister in law. She's not doing so well; her ex's death has hit her twice as hard this year for some reason. I'm hoping she'll be ok. She managed to get the week off work - self-explanatory as to why but it makes me sort of sad that she'd use up her vacation hours for mourning.

She's supposed to be coming over Friday night and we're going to drink and bake. That should be interesting and I will do what I always do - say insane things to make her laugh, use my wit to charm her into forgetting for a while that she's sad.

Nothing shifts focus on my problems quite like the problems of those I love, after all.

So M's baby arrived! Sunday March 25, little Samantha Rose arrived on the scene at a whopping 6 lbs 9 oz - pretty big for a premie if you ask me! She's gorgeous and has a full head of hair. However it always breaks my heart to see them in incubators full of tubes and holes. She was born on M's Dad's birthday, so needless to say that man is extra-proud right now. My Dad came and got me C & K last night and he took the kids to his house while I walked to the hospital to go visit her - may as well be walking, it's spring now and I need it. In any case, the baby's beautiful, and smells that wonderful newborn smell, and coos and is just about perfect.

And while I'm so happy for them, I'm also a little bit ripped to pieces.

Tonight C has brownies and I have to go help my Dad install a CD-burning program because he's suddenly in the mood to make CDs again.

Oh. Medieval Times. Right. That was good and fun and full of brutish yawlping and ripping meat off bones and overpriced novelty drinks. Ours was the Blue Knight and he totally lost and we didn't care, we just kept on yelling and S kept on shouting "You're my boy, Blue!" just like in that movie and it got a few laughs and then suddenly half the men in our section were yelling it intermittently. I got the flower hurrah, and remembered why I loved the Executioner drink. Pomtinis on the bus on the way there and back and drunken text-messaging to pass the time (apologies to those who were recipients of my ramblings, although the responses indicated you were also drinking haha). Then cabbing it home from his workplace. Tumble bumble into the door. I was the happy level of drunkenness where I didn't have to worry about being sick or spinny. Just a lighter head, a lighter heart. I needed it.

I have other things to say but my mind keeps hitting the pause button.

Time to get the kids to school.

We went to King Buffet last night at S's insistence - he had a hankering for buffet food and the kids were right on board with that one. K loves that he can fill his own plate with whatever he chooses, C loves that there's a large variety, they both love the desserts, and I love that we don't have 20 minutes of the kids going "I'm hunnnnnnnnnnngry" and "when's the food coming?" and "moooooom, he's coloring on my side of the table" or whatever-have-you. I'm not a big buffet eater, but they did expand their seafood selection, so I was happy as well.

This weekend S & I are going to Medieval Times through one of his work's social club functions. I am looking forward to it, but I'm also tired, so I'm thinking I'll need a power-nap tomorrow morning at some point. I just feel so drained. I think it's because I've spent the past month healing, and getting a bad infection, and healing some more, all the while choking down emotional issues because I am a wife a mother an employee and don't have time to digest that stuff. I know it's going to catch up to me; I know I know I know. You don't have to tell me. I know. But for now I'm content with choking it down and shoving it deep undercover and not thinking about it. For now.

In more superficial news, what the hell America? Voting someone who can actually sing off American Idol and allowing people who have the talent and charm of dry toast is just mind-boggling to me. You know what I'm talking about.

Is it sad that I'm tempted to try Americone Dream? Truthiness of taste aside, the flavor combination is a good one. We'll see.

You know what I love? SPRING. You know what else? It's practically here!!! March came in like a den of half-starved lions; here's hoping the adage is somewhat correct, and it will leave like roasted lambs on spits. Mmm. Lamb on a spit.

On that note, time to put in the last day of the work week.

Yesterday went w/my company to a "Bowl for Kids Sake" fundraiser for Big Brothers & Big Sisters. We managed to raise over 12,000 dollars, which is pretty good if you ask me.

My time was great because we were all there to have fun rather than score high. Many goofy antics were had; I confess I was the instigator of most. They included dancing up the lane, bowling blindfolded, rolling them between the legs kiddie-style, bowling backwards, etc. We got an award for team spirit so it was all good. Afterwards we all went to the Parlour where they had munchies & drinks for us. It was a pleasant evening out and I'm glad I went.

M is doing well and is back in town now, however she's more or less stuck in a hospital until the baby is born. That really sucks and especially for her as she's got 4 boys at home needing her, but J has been really good with them. Her ex is also pitching in, which is good.

S was a bit cranky last night, no idea why. I don't think he's been getting much sleep; this is usually due to weather change. He's not the stressed out type, so it isn't that. Or maybe everything that's happened recently is finally catching up to him. I don't know. I do know however not to press him - he usually tells me within a day or so when something's bothering him, but he needs that day or so to sort it out in his brain first. It's just the way he operates, and I respect that.

I'm so sleepy suddenly. It's probably the weather.

A lot of things are probably the weather.

PS: Lola, here's a link to the time I blogged the chili recipe.

Went out for breakfast with Sir T this morning, which was awesome and just what I needed (seriously, he's like, the best breakfast buddy ever. Just the right amount of food and conversation, little to no lulls, and the right mixture of lackadaisical and hurried so that the event doesn't seem too rushed or dragged). However, sometimes I do feel like I'm in a time-sink, and had I no other plans I could have easily wasted the day talking with him. The funny thing is it seems that the only time we actually get together, it involves eating somehow.

Memo to self: get the book he keeps talking about before he crams it down my throat.

I took today off to go see M in the hospital today. I'm just waiting for a mutual friend to get off work soon so we can go. We're going to stop at the mall first and pick up some things to help amuse M as she will more or less be stuck in a hospital bed until she's ready to bring the baby home. It must be nerve-wracking for her considering she has 4 boys at home, and this is likely the longest she's been away from them ever. J has stepped up to the plate nicely though and is taking care of them. They in turn are also being well-behaved, understanding that J has no idea what he's doing (whose laundry belongs to whom? Who has a project due? Who needs to go to a birthday party?) and that it'll probably stress their mom out more if they act up. That is pretty astute all things considered. Kids are smarter than people give them credit for.

Ok time to toss together some chili in the slow-cooker for S so that he isn't starving when he gets home, and then I'm off to the races.

So in comparison to my last post about trips to Toronto and train madness, the week was pretty boring by comparison. The kids got a couple of play dates in for their holiday and that's about it.

On Wednesday night everyone and their brother called me, which was pretty funny actually because usually I never get phone calls. One call was with regards to one of my friends getting married to that Portuguese lad- they asked me to be the MC. It only makes sense in the grand scheme of things - I'm the only one of their mutual friends that actually knows them both from external sources as opposed to meeting one through the other. I'm actually looking forward to this though I'm going to have to track down the Groom's brother for dirt, and his brother lives in Geneva I think? Somewhere over the pond. I'm sure he has email or something.

Went out with folks from work to Molly Bloom's on Thursday, Friday I did nothing things with S which was kind of nice. We ordered in chicken wings and watched mostly either the Discovery channel or Food network - S thinks Ace of Cakes is just the cat's ass and I stalwartly maintain allegiance to Iron Chef: America even if it is inferior to its Eastern counterpart - I wish they'd show re-runs of that.

Friday I got a text from S telling me that M's water broke (she's only 33 weeks so that's pretty damn early) and got shipped to Victoria hospital. They managed to keep her from going into labor but now she's pretty much stuck in that damn hospital for the next two weeks - the waters only dribbled, they managed to keep that at bay, but if she goes into labor within that timeframe they'd rather have her right there than have to ship her again. If she makes it the two weeks, they'll send her back here, where apparently it'll be ok to have the baby here. She'll still be stuck in hospital until that time comes, which totally sucks for her.

J is beside himself not knowing what to do. It's his first child and then add to that the fact that he's now had the care and feeding of 4 strapping young lads thrust upon him - well, we're hoping their Dad will pitch in somehow, especially since he's not even working at the moment. This just adds stress to M but what can you do right?

The baby is doing well though, which is a relief.

Saturday S and C worked on the electrical wiring downstairs, while I shopped for SH's baby shower. Came home to be attacked - the boys wanting my feedback on how things were to be laid out. S initially didn't want it but C convinced him it was a good idea, since chances are I'll be cranky at the way something was done otherwise. C was right, and as a result S got some more ideas for the basement - our basement. We're taking our time with this project because we want it done right. S initially wanted it done quickly but now he's seeing this as a long-run type thing. Do it right the first time so there's no repeats of labor-intensive work/change.

Yesterday was baby shower day. It was ok and there was tons of people, half of whom were pregnant or trying, and I got to hold more than a few babies too, and take in their warmth and new baby smell; then I came home and cried. S was pretty good about it and did all the nice things that make me feel better.

And now I'm off to get the kids ready for their first day back from March Break. Hallelujah.

So the weekend in Toronto? Um. I don't even know where to begin.

As soon as my mom came to pick us up, C ran out and slipped on some ice and the ice was wet and melty so therefore so was her pants. We got her fixed up and changed and then stopped at Tim Horton's and sat with some coffee before going to the VIA station. I won a free donut which we grabbed for the trip there. I don't know if it's a Portuguese thing (more likely a European thing) but we have this thing where we always pack food when we take long trips. C was in her glory because my mom brought a mini-cooler bag and it was full of cookies and iced tea and strawberries and all sorts of goodies. "Look mom, there's even room for the donut!"

The train ride up was lovely, though our group was separated a little because the train was booked solid. C and I got to sit together, but my mother ended up having to sit by someone who was - believe it or not - playing World of Warcraft on his laptop the whole trip down. C was just beside herself with giddiness over the ride. I let her have the window seat of course and she was fascinated and happy.



She brought her mp3 player and hummed quietly to herself while munching on a cookie. At every stop the train took she asked me how many more stops till ours. I explained which one we were at, and some information about it, and how much longer till we got there. She got more and more restless the closer we got.

When we got to Union Station it was chaos as usual. My mother had never been on a train either so she didn't know what to expect. She was fascinated by the underground - "it's like a whole other city down here!" We took underground paths to the Royal York which she thought was cool.

We went up the winding staircase to the lobby of the hotel and it was just beautiful. They allowed us to check in early which was awesome. The lobby was full of tv & radio types, celebrating some sort of Rogers event. My mother had the foresight to ask if the hotel took corporate rates - looks like they did, and being that we both work for the institution that we do, we were eligible for the rate - hurrah!

We got to our room and it was so, so lovely. Taking photos didn't quite give the idea but it was very spacious, and the view outside our window was of the CN Tower. C really loved that.



C jumped on one of the beds and declared it was HERS, and that me and my mother would have to share the other one. She flopped into a million pillows and the look of happiness on her face was like a little slice of heaven to me. When we were finished unpacking things and exploring the room, we then went down and out into the world to head to the mall. Shockingly my mother had never been to the Eaton Centre - wonders never cease.

She and I had a mini-argument over going via The Bay - she was convinced it was a shop on its own and would not lead us to the shopping mecca that is Eaton Centre. I managed to sway her as it was pretty nippy outside. We got in and once we got into the mall proper, the two of them were like kids at Christmas - they didn't know where to go first. Information overload.

C found a Claire's and there was no question - that was to be our first stop. We traversed quite a few shops, including one of my favorites - I mean who doesn't love Old Navy right? By the end of the excursion both C and my mom were just dog tired, and we agreed to take a cab back (Yes yes I know that's pretty damn lazy considering how close the hotel was but it was freezing out and we did have a lot (A LOT) of bags and who was I to argue over a 5 dollar trip?).

We got back to our room and my mom changed into pj pants for a bit before we'd go out for dinner. C was panicking thinking it was bed time - I explained to her, it's just the way my mom operates. We turned on the tv and watched the last 20 minutes of "Man in the Iron Mask" while my mom "rested her eyes" for a bit. C whispered to me in a conspiratorial tone that "if Mootie (her pet name for my mom) doesn't wake up when it's time to go, we're leaving without her ok?"

We ended up going to Casey's for dinner which was fine by C. After a 20 minute wait for our table ("Mum, it feels like I've spent half the day waiting for things!" Welcome to Toronto, kid) we were seated and fed pretty quickly. The food was fabulous but the portions were just huge - you could have fed 3 people with my plate alone. My caesar came with a big chili pepper hanging off the glass rather than the typical accoutrements of lemon and such. C thought we should keep it to bring to S but I wasn't about to carry a chili pepper in my purse for the rest of the excursion.

After supper we walked around the city for a bit. I wanted C to see how beautiful it can be at night (homeless people sleeping on the sidewalk and all). The skydome's big light beams were flashing in the sky. "Look mom! The bat signal!" That's my girl.

We got back to the hotel and got into our pj's and vegged out on the beds & chairs. Mrs. Doubtfire was on and C had never seen it so we had snacks (more snacks were purchased elsewhere through the day because I refuse to pay 5 bucks for a small bag of hotel goodie basket M&Ms) and chit-chatted and just relaxed. C probably didn't get to sleep until about 1 am. What the hell, it's March Break right? My mom fell asleep at ten and then woke up again at 2 - I was still awake, so she decided it was time to talk. So she did. Till about 4. Then she fell asleep again and it was just me, staring at the ceiling trying to will myself to sleep. I finally managed to but then woke up around 7, up like a rocket. Stupid internal clock.

Cinnabons and hotel coffee for breakfast, while C had pop tarts (the mini cooler strikes again!) and then we packed up and went to the train station. The departures area requires we go into the station proper. This thrilled them as - well - it really is a sight to see. The opulence of Union Station is worth seeing at least once. Then we found a fruit vendor in the area where we board the trains so C and I got some apples and pears to munch on while mom watched the bags. I spotted a photo booth so C and I went in and took some photos - it's a thing we seem to do every time we have a mother-daughter outing. Then C convinced my mom to go in with her - the photos came out pretty goofy which was just great.

We got on the train and this time managed to acquire a set of four seats facing each other. Surrounded by bags, C settled in for another 2 hour trip.




If only we knew what was in store.

The rest of this story some of you may have already read/heard about from me, but for the rest of you, hold on to your hats.

We had just left the Guelph train station when I saw it happen. My daughter thankfully was oblivious - daydreaming and listening to music, looking at a book. She felt the thump-thump, and heard the train's brakes, and smelled the burning of the brakes, but didn't know what really happened until I explained it (very briefly).

A Toyota Corolla failed to stop at a railway crossing near Woolwich-Guelph Townline. As a result our train hit it. I'm not sure why - maybe they didn't see the lights and hear the bell and train horn blaring, but the car was trying to outrun the train and I saw the train hit its rear end clear off. It flew into the air and it spun like the tazmanian devil and flew into a ditch - metal flew all over the place. And then the car's engine caught fire. Blood and shrapnel everywhere. The train had tried to break but how the hell do you stop a moving train right? So they burned the breaks out and then we were stuck in the train for three hours while police and everyone tried to sort things out. In the end they ended up paying for cabs to take people to their final destinations.

I texted S on his cell when it happened and immediately he called me. "Are you ok? What happened?" and in the background his buddy JG said "Was she driving, is that why they hit something?" Leave it to him to try and diffuse something with humor. It worked a little but I was still edgy and S could tell. I told him NOT to tell K anything until we got home, just tell him we would be a little late. I wanted to tell K after we were already home so that he could see for himself that we were safe, and so his little 6 year old self wouldn't worry unnecessarily. S agreed to this but said what about his 28 year old self?

I just keep thinking about how I saw it happen and it seemed so surreal. My mother had no idea what was going on - "why did we stop? Why aren't we moving?" because she obviously didn't hear me shout "oh my god we just hit a car!" There were three passengers - two women and a nine year old boy. The boy was pronounced dead at the scene and the women were airlifted to a nearby hospital. The women are still in critical condition. The engineers have asked for a leave of absence apparently - who can blame them? How do you make amends with yourself over that, even though it was beyond your control to avoid it?

C said she never wanted to see a train again. I tried to explain to her I've been on one thousands of times, and that this sort of thing very very rarely happens, but she wasn't convinced. Today she seems to be okay with it, and has said she'd be willing to try it again, but could Daddy please come this time too?



Frankly while I remained calm the whole time, after we got home I was a wreck. Really shaken up and I just keep thinking my god imagine how the engineers feel, you know? Here's the thing. The train hit the tail of the car. I bet if the car had about 5 more seconds, it would have made it across the tracks. Five more seconds. If their day had been behind by five more seconds, they'd be alive, and it would be just another close call, lesson learned. I keep thinking about that. Five more seconds.

And now I hug my kids for five seconds longer and am just so damn thankful we're all okay.

So. How was YOUR weekend?

It's really funny when K sings that. Almost as good as when he was two and sang Ween's "Push the l'il daisies" as "pushaleeloodizziesamakacaba!"

I wish I would have recorded that.

C literally sprang out of bed this morning, she is so excited about the weekend. I'm bringing a camera so I'll post some photos of our adventures maybe. Maybe.

I just stared blankly at nothing for a few minutes there. I think I may have to hit the hay early tonight, as I've been up till 3 am for the past week or so and then waking up at 6 am. I think it's the weather that's making me squirrely.

Did I mention I was almost plowed over by an F150 the other day? Scary stuff when you drive a little putt-putt Neon. Stupid white-out conditions.

The council meeting went ok but there is that point in the evening when a lull comes over everyone and it's not the comfortable kind you get among friends, but the awkward kind where you scramble to find something to fill up the empty space. I recommend the fettucini w/shrimp and spinach though. Normally I get the pizza there but I had a hankering for pasta. And I was a good girl and didn't drink - I didn't feel up to it.

It's weird that daylight savings is so early in March. Well actually it's weird that we still use the concept of daylight savings at all, but in general it's weird to have it so early. This is bumming C out as it means we're losing an hour of our weekend this weekend. I explained to her it would just be an hour less of sleep - this seemed to placate her a little.

Ok it's that time again. (No, not dishes for a change. School!) I'm also going to get our train tickets this morning, woo!

Love is when you're cold, and the blankets are huddled around you, but you're still cold, so you tuck your feet in under his legs and he doesn't move even though your feet are freezing. Instead he pulls you in and acts like added padding around you to get you warmer quicker. And then he doesn't complain when an hour later you shove him away because now you're too hot, and the blankets are shed off, and you're dry-mouthed and tired. He only gently calls you a brat when you beg him to get you some water, because you are so very tired that you can't even move a pinky. And then he'll tuck you in because you're getting cold again, and play with your hair till you fall asleep because he knows you secretly love that.

My darling S is taking me out somewhere next weekend (not this weekend because of my trip with my mom & daughter) because he says we don't have enough time just to ourselves, outside of the hour or so after the kids are in bed which really doesn't count because we're both so dog-tired we just stare blankly at screens or books or whatever till we drop into a coma. So that's a nice prospect - it's nice to have things to look forward to. It makes this terrible weather a little less depressing.

My cousins in Barrie are planning our third Crazy-Go-Nuts gathering - I'm super excited about that because it's literally been years since we managed to have one.

Tonight there's a council meeting but it's at a local restaurant for a change, which is nice. Because a good caesar may make it easier to take all the politics and subterfuge.

And it burns, burns, burns. I have that damn song in my head. My head which still feels like it's in a vise, skull quietly being crushed bit by bit; bit by bit.

Ok time to do some dishes (I know! Yes again!) before heading to work.

Almost done the Poitier memoir. It's brilliant and makes me feel like I'm having a conversation with him. Or maybe even my Dad. The parallels between their lives is almost spooky in some ways.

Do you know what chore I hate more than any other? The number one thing I wish I could never do again? Dishes. That's right. I'd rather scrub at a dirty bathtub for a month of Sundays than scrub at dishes.

So needless to say it drives me batty when my family seem to have started a silent war against my sanity by using every god damned dish in the house to make a peanut butter sandwich. Sweet baby Jesus that drives me nuts. You can tell how nuts it drives me by the number of blasphemies I utter.

Also needless to say, but I'm saying it damnit, I really really hate it when S brings home dishes from work and doesn't rinse them out or anything - just leaves it on the counter, lid on, or sometimes leaves it in his lunchbag for a day or two so that the mold has time to set in. Uggggh. God I hate that.

I'm really looking forward to the trip this weekend but now I'm worried about the weather. I don't want to be stuck in that city if I can help it - I also don't want to be stuck on a train if I can help it. Hmmm.

Ok I'm tired and cranky and guess what? There's dishes to be done.

So our trip is booked for next weekend. I'm actually getting a bit excited about it, although I'm more than slightly broke. S is actually looking forward to spending time just him and K. The boys are happy, momma's happy, daughter's happy. We'll see how it all pans out.

My nose is still stuffy and my head feels like a vise has been gripping it and threatening to crack open my skull. In between these feelings are feelings of my ears plugged up like they are underwater still. It's a wonderful life.

I picked up that book Sidney Poitier wrote. I couldn't resist - I love that man. So far it's pretty good. As a matter of fact I'm going to go read some more now.

Happy weekend, all.