monkeying around

Happy 10th Birthday, my darling girl C. I can't believe a decade has passed already. She is growing more and more each day into a beautiful young lady. I wish her only the best, always. I hope she'll have fun tonight, we will do our best to make sure of it.

This photo was taken on our recent trip with my mom. I let her have a ride on the baggage carrier, because what the hell right? The weekend was about having fun and believe me - she thought being carted around on that thing was hilarious.

Medicating is helping keep me afloat for a few hours a day. I still get fatigued pretty damn easy. Doctor has faxed a case study to the MRI clinic in the hopes of fast-tracking me.

Adding insult to injury, God decided to play a practical joke on me and thus I now have... JURY DUTY. I'm supposed to show up on June 9th for the excruciating process of sitting and waiting to either be selected or sent home. Good news is, I'll still get paid at my job for it. Hah!

I switched my site back to the "Lost in Translation" scheme, because Spongebob was irritating me, and because I'm too tired to make a brand new one.

Ok, time for a power nap before the kids get home and this place turns into a monkey house.

Went out with Sir T last night (considered changing the moniker to Sir Pan, for reasons too long to get into here, but for now Sir T he remains) and fed him beer while we caught up on our daily lives as well as other stuff. It is great to have a friend like him, and I think it is seriously necessary that every woman have at least one male friend they can talk to, to get their perspective on, or to even just chit chat with. I feel that it is a mutual thing here - I give him female perspective on things as well, and a neutral one at that as our friendship circles are very different. In any case, it was my turn to drive him, let him drink, and talk talk talk. And laugh! I needed a laugh. I really, really needed the laugh.

Here is the thing. Every time we get together, we always say the same two things: "I'm so glad I can talk to you" and "we should get together more often". Which is followed up by the latter item not really happening, in spite of the former statement. Mostly because our lives are scheduling nightmares, also because it's just one of those things. Something we hope to amend. One thing I am thankful for, is that S is good about this. He trusts me, knows me well enough to know there isn't any hanky-panky going on. Also I suspect he believes Sir T is terrified of him - which could quite possibly be true, but isn't an issue here. S is a big guy - you don't want to see the Hulk get angry, all that jazz, but the truth is, Sir T is a pretty upstanding guy, has a good moral backbone. Clark Kent with a serious need to save the world, one drunken mishap at a time.

Enough on that. On to the London trip. The night before I went with C & my mother to London, at around 3 am the fire alarm started beeping intermittently. We couldn't sense any fire, etc, but to be safe S cut off the electricity for upstairs and then I stayed up the remainder of the morning until the kids got up, worrying about fire anyway. The issue was, the alarm is older than dinosaurs and finally just went kaput, not with a bang but a clatter and clang. On barely any sleep, I drove myself and C and my mom to London. We did a bit of shopping, and then went to our hotel to check in. The suite was really nice - like a little apartment almost. Fridge, stove top, microwave, dishwasher, the whole shebang. Two humongous beds, living room, etc. C was in Heaven and immediately began unpacking and settling her things in. We rested up a bit in the room, C played on my laptop for a while (whee, free wireless with the room! Fantastic!) and then we went out shopping some more. This weekend was about my C, so she got to direct us to the stores she wanted. Most of the things I bought this weekend were for my kids, and C made out like a bandit as usual. There was a pool in the hotel so C and I went swimming after supper while my mom took a little nap.

Breakfast the next morning inclusive and buffet style, fit for a king. C in her glory - all the bacon she could eat! Muffins! Waffles! Eggs & home fries! Seriously, it was wonderful, and you don't often get to say that about hotel faire.

Came home to S & K playing a new Wii game, the new fire alarm installed & a new light for the upstairs hall as well. I was just pooched - no sleep, driving all over hell's half-acre all weekend. Took a nap and felt refreshed, and glad I managed to squeeze in a little mini-break for C and me. She's getting to a tricky age, and I feel it is incredibly important to make time for just her and I. K takes up a lot of my time, and I don't want C feeling as though she is left out all the time. C was in her glory and you can tell - she really enjoyed our time away. Next year we'll probably just go back to London - while Toronto was nice, it's hectic and I hate driving there, the cost of everything is ridiculous, grumblemumble complaincomplain, walking barefoot in the snow uphill backwards, kids these days and their crazy rock music.

Health-wise, nothing new to report. The meds work wonderfully. They carried me through a migraine that lasted 14 days. I want you to think about that - 14 days of your head feeling like there is a vise gripping it, your eyes twitching and sometimes seeing stars. Feeling like if you could only just reach in and pull them out of their sockets, the pressure might go away awhile. Feeling like you wish someone would stop pushing down on the top of your head with a jackhammer. Fourteen days of it. The meds helped as far as the not needing to vomit and the eyes mostly obeying, took the edge off the pain, but not much more than that.

How is it that I'm still sane again?

I don't know.


I have that Rolling Stones song "Play with Fire" stuck in my head, because of that movie the Darjeeling Limited. I sort of liked the movie, sort of didn't. I like Wes Anderson films, that is something in his favor, but I found one or two of his casting decisions rather poor, and parts of the film could have gone better. In general it was okay though. And his song choices are always spot on, thus the earwig digging into me chanting "but don't play with me cause you're playing with fire"...

I can't believe it's almost Easter already. Hammer sent me some fun factoids about this being the earliest Easter we'll ever see in our lifetime. It's pretty neat, and amazing to think on - time is such a funny, funny thing that way. Hammer is another person I need to spend more time with. Again, life is a nightmare, bla bla bla.

Ok, I should probably go make the most of my morning off by getting the kids' Easter things together. We're going for low-key this year - get them what they need maybe, mostly some chocolate eggs or whatnot.

I'm typing this from our hotel suite in London. C, my mother and I took off for the weekend. I'll keep this short until later but a few tidbits:

- woke up to a fire alarm going off at home (don't worry, no fire, long story)
- mmm bacon
- shopping
- a hotel room with a kitchen!

Okie day. Later.

Ok, so there is a LOT to update on.

K's birthday was spent in Niagara Falls. We went and visited various places on Clifton St and had lunch at Ruby Tuesday's. My Dad has a friend who gave us a bunch of passes and gift certificates to go there, who was I to say no to free stuff??? Downside? K was sick in the car on the way up there, and when we got there a couple of times. No fever or anything, so he was probably just car sick, but still. Ew.

After that it was Marineland which K has been wanting to go to since he could speak. It's an expensive trip but what the heck - we always try to do cool stuff for K on his birthday since he's a July baby and it's tough to try and manage a birthday party, you know?

So a good time was had by all, and it topped our week off nicely.

The week we had off, we had an overnight kid swap with K & C's friends - Z came to our house and K went over to theirs. It was K's first time sleeping over at a friend's house, and he was in good form for it so hurrah. The girls had a good time but they always do - that's how girls operate.

Um, what else?

My birthday - well... It sucked in that I woke up with a headache, worked overtime spending most of the day being carped at by angry bankers, came home to my kids fighting the minute I walked in the door. My parents took us to the Portuguese restaurant in London and that was good - birthdays are always bittersweet since my grandfather died though - it's hard not to remember that when you bury them on your birthday. Dad and I had a drink in his name and then we came home because I was just exhausted. Saturday night I went out with my sisterinlaw and brotherinlaw and their friend and... yeah. I had a few too many sicilian kisses and beer. I think I would have been ok but then they brought out the tequila... needless to say I was a trainwreck.

This past weekend we went camping with the kids and some mutual friends. It was good in the way camping is always good, but tiring in the way that camping is always tiring. It really isn't a vacation for me - with the preparing and cooking and cleaning that happens even in the great outdoors - but the kids had fun. We ended up coming home early on Sunday because I was feeling under the weather and so was C. We stopped at a video store and rented a bunch of movies - hurrah for no late fees. Yesterday was spent with me feeling wretched and sickness coming out all ends, if you catch my meaning. So of course the house is still upside-down, kids feel fine though. S has today off, hoping he gets some things done but I won't hold my breath.

I woke up this morning groggy and still feeling unwell, but off to work I will go to spread my germs because that's what everyone else does to me, the bastards.

Doug: "Steve, slow down."
Steve: "I can't help it man, it's hottie overload!"
Doug: "Just pace yourself."
Steve: "Ok... What's up? ...2, 3, 4. What's up? ...2, 3, 4..."
(A Night at the Roxbury)

So after much cajoling on the parts of quite a few people, I joined up facebook.

As a result, I've come across people I haven't seen in years and years. Kind of spooky, kind of awesome. Kind of addicting, mostly because as I said, I've come across people that require a lot of catching up with. But even with the people I see more regularly, it's a nice feature, with a messaging system that allows for short notes rather than lengthy emails (though I still love writing those).

Being completely bored last night, facebook amused me greatly. More specifically, messaging on facebook. You know who you are.

Sister in law is coming over tonight, we're going to drink and bake. Girl's had a rough week.

Tomorrow S the kids and I are going to my cousin Lola's. It's been a while since we've visited her and her hubby, so I'm looking forward to it. Initially we had planned for it to be just S and I, but the way the week's gone we're better off taking the kids too.

I need to look into getting a new blowdryer. My hair was a scary tousled mess yesterday. Strangely enough I got compliments on it? I didn't realize the bed-head look was a good one for me. I'd ask for S's opinion but he's a smarmster.

S & I were invited to take a trip with Hammer & her hubby - unfortunately it's a no-go, but for a brief flickering minute it was a possibility. Damnit. For once it has nothing to do with funds, so much as being able to take time off. Le sigh. Were it not for my previous issues, this wouldn't be a problem.

Ok I have a million things to do before work (as usual) so I'm off!

So the weekend in Toronto? Um. I don't even know where to begin.

As soon as my mom came to pick us up, C ran out and slipped on some ice and the ice was wet and melty so therefore so was her pants. We got her fixed up and changed and then stopped at Tim Horton's and sat with some coffee before going to the VIA station. I won a free donut which we grabbed for the trip there. I don't know if it's a Portuguese thing (more likely a European thing) but we have this thing where we always pack food when we take long trips. C was in her glory because my mom brought a mini-cooler bag and it was full of cookies and iced tea and strawberries and all sorts of goodies. "Look mom, there's even room for the donut!"

The train ride up was lovely, though our group was separated a little because the train was booked solid. C and I got to sit together, but my mother ended up having to sit by someone who was - believe it or not - playing World of Warcraft on his laptop the whole trip down. C was just beside herself with giddiness over the ride. I let her have the window seat of course and she was fascinated and happy.



She brought her mp3 player and hummed quietly to herself while munching on a cookie. At every stop the train took she asked me how many more stops till ours. I explained which one we were at, and some information about it, and how much longer till we got there. She got more and more restless the closer we got.

When we got to Union Station it was chaos as usual. My mother had never been on a train either so she didn't know what to expect. She was fascinated by the underground - "it's like a whole other city down here!" We took underground paths to the Royal York which she thought was cool.

We went up the winding staircase to the lobby of the hotel and it was just beautiful. They allowed us to check in early which was awesome. The lobby was full of tv & radio types, celebrating some sort of Rogers event. My mother had the foresight to ask if the hotel took corporate rates - looks like they did, and being that we both work for the institution that we do, we were eligible for the rate - hurrah!

We got to our room and it was so, so lovely. Taking photos didn't quite give the idea but it was very spacious, and the view outside our window was of the CN Tower. C really loved that.



C jumped on one of the beds and declared it was HERS, and that me and my mother would have to share the other one. She flopped into a million pillows and the look of happiness on her face was like a little slice of heaven to me. When we were finished unpacking things and exploring the room, we then went down and out into the world to head to the mall. Shockingly my mother had never been to the Eaton Centre - wonders never cease.

She and I had a mini-argument over going via The Bay - she was convinced it was a shop on its own and would not lead us to the shopping mecca that is Eaton Centre. I managed to sway her as it was pretty nippy outside. We got in and once we got into the mall proper, the two of them were like kids at Christmas - they didn't know where to go first. Information overload.

C found a Claire's and there was no question - that was to be our first stop. We traversed quite a few shops, including one of my favorites - I mean who doesn't love Old Navy right? By the end of the excursion both C and my mom were just dog tired, and we agreed to take a cab back (Yes yes I know that's pretty damn lazy considering how close the hotel was but it was freezing out and we did have a lot (A LOT) of bags and who was I to argue over a 5 dollar trip?).

We got back to our room and my mom changed into pj pants for a bit before we'd go out for dinner. C was panicking thinking it was bed time - I explained to her, it's just the way my mom operates. We turned on the tv and watched the last 20 minutes of "Man in the Iron Mask" while my mom "rested her eyes" for a bit. C whispered to me in a conspiratorial tone that "if Mootie (her pet name for my mom) doesn't wake up when it's time to go, we're leaving without her ok?"

We ended up going to Casey's for dinner which was fine by C. After a 20 minute wait for our table ("Mum, it feels like I've spent half the day waiting for things!" Welcome to Toronto, kid) we were seated and fed pretty quickly. The food was fabulous but the portions were just huge - you could have fed 3 people with my plate alone. My caesar came with a big chili pepper hanging off the glass rather than the typical accoutrements of lemon and such. C thought we should keep it to bring to S but I wasn't about to carry a chili pepper in my purse for the rest of the excursion.

After supper we walked around the city for a bit. I wanted C to see how beautiful it can be at night (homeless people sleeping on the sidewalk and all). The skydome's big light beams were flashing in the sky. "Look mom! The bat signal!" That's my girl.

We got back to the hotel and got into our pj's and vegged out on the beds & chairs. Mrs. Doubtfire was on and C had never seen it so we had snacks (more snacks were purchased elsewhere through the day because I refuse to pay 5 bucks for a small bag of hotel goodie basket M&Ms) and chit-chatted and just relaxed. C probably didn't get to sleep until about 1 am. What the hell, it's March Break right? My mom fell asleep at ten and then woke up again at 2 - I was still awake, so she decided it was time to talk. So she did. Till about 4. Then she fell asleep again and it was just me, staring at the ceiling trying to will myself to sleep. I finally managed to but then woke up around 7, up like a rocket. Stupid internal clock.

Cinnabons and hotel coffee for breakfast, while C had pop tarts (the mini cooler strikes again!) and then we packed up and went to the train station. The departures area requires we go into the station proper. This thrilled them as - well - it really is a sight to see. The opulence of Union Station is worth seeing at least once. Then we found a fruit vendor in the area where we board the trains so C and I got some apples and pears to munch on while mom watched the bags. I spotted a photo booth so C and I went in and took some photos - it's a thing we seem to do every time we have a mother-daughter outing. Then C convinced my mom to go in with her - the photos came out pretty goofy which was just great.

We got on the train and this time managed to acquire a set of four seats facing each other. Surrounded by bags, C settled in for another 2 hour trip.




If only we knew what was in store.

The rest of this story some of you may have already read/heard about from me, but for the rest of you, hold on to your hats.

We had just left the Guelph train station when I saw it happen. My daughter thankfully was oblivious - daydreaming and listening to music, looking at a book. She felt the thump-thump, and heard the train's brakes, and smelled the burning of the brakes, but didn't know what really happened until I explained it (very briefly).

A Toyota Corolla failed to stop at a railway crossing near Woolwich-Guelph Townline. As a result our train hit it. I'm not sure why - maybe they didn't see the lights and hear the bell and train horn blaring, but the car was trying to outrun the train and I saw the train hit its rear end clear off. It flew into the air and it spun like the tazmanian devil and flew into a ditch - metal flew all over the place. And then the car's engine caught fire. Blood and shrapnel everywhere. The train had tried to break but how the hell do you stop a moving train right? So they burned the breaks out and then we were stuck in the train for three hours while police and everyone tried to sort things out. In the end they ended up paying for cabs to take people to their final destinations.

I texted S on his cell when it happened and immediately he called me. "Are you ok? What happened?" and in the background his buddy JG said "Was she driving, is that why they hit something?" Leave it to him to try and diffuse something with humor. It worked a little but I was still edgy and S could tell. I told him NOT to tell K anything until we got home, just tell him we would be a little late. I wanted to tell K after we were already home so that he could see for himself that we were safe, and so his little 6 year old self wouldn't worry unnecessarily. S agreed to this but said what about his 28 year old self?

I just keep thinking about how I saw it happen and it seemed so surreal. My mother had no idea what was going on - "why did we stop? Why aren't we moving?" because she obviously didn't hear me shout "oh my god we just hit a car!" There were three passengers - two women and a nine year old boy. The boy was pronounced dead at the scene and the women were airlifted to a nearby hospital. The women are still in critical condition. The engineers have asked for a leave of absence apparently - who can blame them? How do you make amends with yourself over that, even though it was beyond your control to avoid it?

C said she never wanted to see a train again. I tried to explain to her I've been on one thousands of times, and that this sort of thing very very rarely happens, but she wasn't convinced. Today she seems to be okay with it, and has said she'd be willing to try it again, but could Daddy please come this time too?



Frankly while I remained calm the whole time, after we got home I was a wreck. Really shaken up and I just keep thinking my god imagine how the engineers feel, you know? Here's the thing. The train hit the tail of the car. I bet if the car had about 5 more seconds, it would have made it across the tracks. Five more seconds. If their day had been behind by five more seconds, they'd be alive, and it would be just another close call, lesson learned. I keep thinking about that. Five more seconds.

And now I hug my kids for five seconds longer and am just so damn thankful we're all okay.

So. How was YOUR weekend?

It's really funny when K sings that. Almost as good as when he was two and sang Ween's "Push the l'il daisies" as "pushaleeloodizziesamakacaba!"

I wish I would have recorded that.

C literally sprang out of bed this morning, she is so excited about the weekend. I'm bringing a camera so I'll post some photos of our adventures maybe. Maybe.

I just stared blankly at nothing for a few minutes there. I think I may have to hit the hay early tonight, as I've been up till 3 am for the past week or so and then waking up at 6 am. I think it's the weather that's making me squirrely.

Did I mention I was almost plowed over by an F150 the other day? Scary stuff when you drive a little putt-putt Neon. Stupid white-out conditions.

The council meeting went ok but there is that point in the evening when a lull comes over everyone and it's not the comfortable kind you get among friends, but the awkward kind where you scramble to find something to fill up the empty space. I recommend the fettucini w/shrimp and spinach though. Normally I get the pizza there but I had a hankering for pasta. And I was a good girl and didn't drink - I didn't feel up to it.

It's weird that daylight savings is so early in March. Well actually it's weird that we still use the concept of daylight savings at all, but in general it's weird to have it so early. This is bumming C out as it means we're losing an hour of our weekend this weekend. I explained to her it would just be an hour less of sleep - this seemed to placate her a little.

Ok it's that time again. (No, not dishes for a change. School!) I'm also going to get our train tickets this morning, woo!

Almost done the Poitier memoir. It's brilliant and makes me feel like I'm having a conversation with him. Or maybe even my Dad. The parallels between their lives is almost spooky in some ways.

Do you know what chore I hate more than any other? The number one thing I wish I could never do again? Dishes. That's right. I'd rather scrub at a dirty bathtub for a month of Sundays than scrub at dishes.

So needless to say it drives me batty when my family seem to have started a silent war against my sanity by using every god damned dish in the house to make a peanut butter sandwich. Sweet baby Jesus that drives me nuts. You can tell how nuts it drives me by the number of blasphemies I utter.

Also needless to say, but I'm saying it damnit, I really really hate it when S brings home dishes from work and doesn't rinse them out or anything - just leaves it on the counter, lid on, or sometimes leaves it in his lunchbag for a day or two so that the mold has time to set in. Uggggh. God I hate that.

I'm really looking forward to the trip this weekend but now I'm worried about the weather. I don't want to be stuck in that city if I can help it - I also don't want to be stuck on a train if I can help it. Hmmm.

Ok I'm tired and cranky and guess what? There's dishes to be done.

So our trip is booked for next weekend. I'm actually getting a bit excited about it, although I'm more than slightly broke. S is actually looking forward to spending time just him and K. The boys are happy, momma's happy, daughter's happy. We'll see how it all pans out.

My nose is still stuffy and my head feels like a vise has been gripping it and threatening to crack open my skull. In between these feelings are feelings of my ears plugged up like they are underwater still. It's a wonderful life.

I picked up that book Sidney Poitier wrote. I couldn't resist - I love that man. So far it's pretty good. As a matter of fact I'm going to go read some more now.

Happy weekend, all.

C dropped the bomb to K about our trip this morning. This resulted in a few tears, until I helped K figure out a "boys only" itinerary for when C and I are gone. He's excited at the idea of spending time just him and Daddy, so I'm going to have to have a talk with S tonight to make it happen. Not that S neglects our kids or anything, but I want S to understand that K will have expectations for their alone time, and he'd better be prepared for that.

The Walk for MS is coming up soon. I should probably get around to setting up online pledges or something. I'm typically a slacker in that department but this year I need to get my act together. It just seems like just that one more thing on top of a million other things that are just sapping my energy right now, and I don't know what to do with that. I may just end up donating lots to my friend SM or to my cousin V as they are both participating in the actual walk, whereas I'm just volunteering behind the scenes.

I feel light-headed. Hooray for Sinutab.

Ok, time to shovel the end of my driveway. Stupid snowmachinethinger.

Don't you hate it when you're in the middle of a dream and something wakes you up and you grasp at it like straw and it sifts through your fingers? And you spend most of the morning thinking you've missed something important. Yeah I hate that too.

Planned a trip to Toronto w/my mother & daughter. We're spending the weekend at the Royal York and shopping. C is just tickled pink and frankly I'm pretty happy at the prospect as well. We're taking the train down and back, which is also exciting for her as she's never been on a train before. We're going down the weekend of the 10th of March, this should be a good kick-off to her March break.

The kids saw Bridge to Terabithia yesterday with my motherinlaw. They both liked it very much and played Terabithia in the backyard all afternoon.

Ok time to get to work or somesuch.