I don't even know where to begin with this

So the weekend in Toronto? Um. I don't even know where to begin.

As soon as my mom came to pick us up, C ran out and slipped on some ice and the ice was wet and melty so therefore so was her pants. We got her fixed up and changed and then stopped at Tim Horton's and sat with some coffee before going to the VIA station. I won a free donut which we grabbed for the trip there. I don't know if it's a Portuguese thing (more likely a European thing) but we have this thing where we always pack food when we take long trips. C was in her glory because my mom brought a mini-cooler bag and it was full of cookies and iced tea and strawberries and all sorts of goodies. "Look mom, there's even room for the donut!"

The train ride up was lovely, though our group was separated a little because the train was booked solid. C and I got to sit together, but my mother ended up having to sit by someone who was - believe it or not - playing World of Warcraft on his laptop the whole trip down. C was just beside herself with giddiness over the ride. I let her have the window seat of course and she was fascinated and happy.



She brought her mp3 player and hummed quietly to herself while munching on a cookie. At every stop the train took she asked me how many more stops till ours. I explained which one we were at, and some information about it, and how much longer till we got there. She got more and more restless the closer we got.

When we got to Union Station it was chaos as usual. My mother had never been on a train either so she didn't know what to expect. She was fascinated by the underground - "it's like a whole other city down here!" We took underground paths to the Royal York which she thought was cool.

We went up the winding staircase to the lobby of the hotel and it was just beautiful. They allowed us to check in early which was awesome. The lobby was full of tv & radio types, celebrating some sort of Rogers event. My mother had the foresight to ask if the hotel took corporate rates - looks like they did, and being that we both work for the institution that we do, we were eligible for the rate - hurrah!

We got to our room and it was so, so lovely. Taking photos didn't quite give the idea but it was very spacious, and the view outside our window was of the CN Tower. C really loved that.



C jumped on one of the beds and declared it was HERS, and that me and my mother would have to share the other one. She flopped into a million pillows and the look of happiness on her face was like a little slice of heaven to me. When we were finished unpacking things and exploring the room, we then went down and out into the world to head to the mall. Shockingly my mother had never been to the Eaton Centre - wonders never cease.

She and I had a mini-argument over going via The Bay - she was convinced it was a shop on its own and would not lead us to the shopping mecca that is Eaton Centre. I managed to sway her as it was pretty nippy outside. We got in and once we got into the mall proper, the two of them were like kids at Christmas - they didn't know where to go first. Information overload.

C found a Claire's and there was no question - that was to be our first stop. We traversed quite a few shops, including one of my favorites - I mean who doesn't love Old Navy right? By the end of the excursion both C and my mom were just dog tired, and we agreed to take a cab back (Yes yes I know that's pretty damn lazy considering how close the hotel was but it was freezing out and we did have a lot (A LOT) of bags and who was I to argue over a 5 dollar trip?).

We got back to our room and my mom changed into pj pants for a bit before we'd go out for dinner. C was panicking thinking it was bed time - I explained to her, it's just the way my mom operates. We turned on the tv and watched the last 20 minutes of "Man in the Iron Mask" while my mom "rested her eyes" for a bit. C whispered to me in a conspiratorial tone that "if Mootie (her pet name for my mom) doesn't wake up when it's time to go, we're leaving without her ok?"

We ended up going to Casey's for dinner which was fine by C. After a 20 minute wait for our table ("Mum, it feels like I've spent half the day waiting for things!" Welcome to Toronto, kid) we were seated and fed pretty quickly. The food was fabulous but the portions were just huge - you could have fed 3 people with my plate alone. My caesar came with a big chili pepper hanging off the glass rather than the typical accoutrements of lemon and such. C thought we should keep it to bring to S but I wasn't about to carry a chili pepper in my purse for the rest of the excursion.

After supper we walked around the city for a bit. I wanted C to see how beautiful it can be at night (homeless people sleeping on the sidewalk and all). The skydome's big light beams were flashing in the sky. "Look mom! The bat signal!" That's my girl.

We got back to the hotel and got into our pj's and vegged out on the beds & chairs. Mrs. Doubtfire was on and C had never seen it so we had snacks (more snacks were purchased elsewhere through the day because I refuse to pay 5 bucks for a small bag of hotel goodie basket M&Ms) and chit-chatted and just relaxed. C probably didn't get to sleep until about 1 am. What the hell, it's March Break right? My mom fell asleep at ten and then woke up again at 2 - I was still awake, so she decided it was time to talk. So she did. Till about 4. Then she fell asleep again and it was just me, staring at the ceiling trying to will myself to sleep. I finally managed to but then woke up around 7, up like a rocket. Stupid internal clock.

Cinnabons and hotel coffee for breakfast, while C had pop tarts (the mini cooler strikes again!) and then we packed up and went to the train station. The departures area requires we go into the station proper. This thrilled them as - well - it really is a sight to see. The opulence of Union Station is worth seeing at least once. Then we found a fruit vendor in the area where we board the trains so C and I got some apples and pears to munch on while mom watched the bags. I spotted a photo booth so C and I went in and took some photos - it's a thing we seem to do every time we have a mother-daughter outing. Then C convinced my mom to go in with her - the photos came out pretty goofy which was just great.

We got on the train and this time managed to acquire a set of four seats facing each other. Surrounded by bags, C settled in for another 2 hour trip.




If only we knew what was in store.

The rest of this story some of you may have already read/heard about from me, but for the rest of you, hold on to your hats.

We had just left the Guelph train station when I saw it happen. My daughter thankfully was oblivious - daydreaming and listening to music, looking at a book. She felt the thump-thump, and heard the train's brakes, and smelled the burning of the brakes, but didn't know what really happened until I explained it (very briefly).

A Toyota Corolla failed to stop at a railway crossing near Woolwich-Guelph Townline. As a result our train hit it. I'm not sure why - maybe they didn't see the lights and hear the bell and train horn blaring, but the car was trying to outrun the train and I saw the train hit its rear end clear off. It flew into the air and it spun like the tazmanian devil and flew into a ditch - metal flew all over the place. And then the car's engine caught fire. Blood and shrapnel everywhere. The train had tried to break but how the hell do you stop a moving train right? So they burned the breaks out and then we were stuck in the train for three hours while police and everyone tried to sort things out. In the end they ended up paying for cabs to take people to their final destinations.

I texted S on his cell when it happened and immediately he called me. "Are you ok? What happened?" and in the background his buddy JG said "Was she driving, is that why they hit something?" Leave it to him to try and diffuse something with humor. It worked a little but I was still edgy and S could tell. I told him NOT to tell K anything until we got home, just tell him we would be a little late. I wanted to tell K after we were already home so that he could see for himself that we were safe, and so his little 6 year old self wouldn't worry unnecessarily. S agreed to this but said what about his 28 year old self?

I just keep thinking about how I saw it happen and it seemed so surreal. My mother had no idea what was going on - "why did we stop? Why aren't we moving?" because she obviously didn't hear me shout "oh my god we just hit a car!" There were three passengers - two women and a nine year old boy. The boy was pronounced dead at the scene and the women were airlifted to a nearby hospital. The women are still in critical condition. The engineers have asked for a leave of absence apparently - who can blame them? How do you make amends with yourself over that, even though it was beyond your control to avoid it?

C said she never wanted to see a train again. I tried to explain to her I've been on one thousands of times, and that this sort of thing very very rarely happens, but she wasn't convinced. Today she seems to be okay with it, and has said she'd be willing to try it again, but could Daddy please come this time too?



Frankly while I remained calm the whole time, after we got home I was a wreck. Really shaken up and I just keep thinking my god imagine how the engineers feel, you know? Here's the thing. The train hit the tail of the car. I bet if the car had about 5 more seconds, it would have made it across the tracks. Five more seconds. If their day had been behind by five more seconds, they'd be alive, and it would be just another close call, lesson learned. I keep thinking about that. Five more seconds.

And now I hug my kids for five seconds longer and am just so damn thankful we're all okay.

So. How was YOUR weekend?