So below is a photo of GIR in all his glory. I had to frog the arms once (forgot to change from blue to gray on shoulder part) and the tongue twice (the pink yarn I used is thicker gauge than the worsted used to make his body) but all in all, I think I did pretty swell!

Tonight was a meeting for K's first communion. It was the typical blar blar blar. I nearly fell asleep during the video, no joke. Then I talked Hammer into taking a spin with me through the drive-through of Tim Horton's because it beat her freezing her knickers off while talking with me in the parking lot. Apparently there is drama going on in the other Gr 4 class that doesn't involve either of our daughters, which suits me fine and is a nice change from the norm. However it also makes me pretty sad - ugh. Already, it starts.

My Dad is leaving for Brazil this weekend. He'll be gone for a while so in the meantime I have to keep an eye on my mom and her healing up etc. No word on what is going on yet, but I remain positive.

I have had serious bouts of insomnia, probably brought on from the stress of dealing with family member dying and my mother having issues.

Tomorrow I go for breakfast with Sir T, an event I am looking forward to because frankly I miss chit-chatting with him. Ok. Enough posting, I need to take a hot bath and uncoil all the tension. Breathe deeply. Wax on, wax off, Daniel-san. That sort of thing.

Ciao.

So my great-uncle Arturo passed away today. He had been struggling with lung cancer for a few months now, but interestingly enough it wasn't the cancer that killed him; it was a bout of pneumonia.

My dad is pretty upset but doing what he always does when he's upset over something - squashes it down to the bottom of his toes and walks it off. There is a lot of stuff behind this and I would like to elaborate but I shouldn't and especially not on a public journal. Suffice it to say - there is a lot of misguided guilt there with regards to great-uncle Arturo's brother Danny and I don't want to elaborate too much but my Dad has some very hard feelings against the man (Danny not Arturo) and is going to have to squash those down as well as great-uncle Danny will most likely be at the funeral. Which is interesting because I thought he was in jail or something (again, LONG LONG story).

This is my grandfather's brother we are talking about here, just to make it a bit clearer. I don't really know how to process it. I knew the man and loved him because he was family, but didn't feel incredibly attached because he is all the way in Fall River MA and I'm all the way here. We used to visit twice a year though, and he was nice and had the kind of laugh that made you feel like you were in on some delicious joke.

I don't know what else to say, except that I feel a little numb, and it isn't just the cold doing it this time.

I don't know what to do with K anymore. Third note home since November 5th with regards to his being rough and picking on, of all people, his best friend. All three incidents involved his friend, all three incidents he "said he was sorry" and had to go to the principal. I have no fucking idea what to do with him as our typical punishments don't seem to be getting through.

What really makes me irate is that just this morning, he and I had a long talk about his behavior and he PROMISED he would behave. Promised me like there was no tomorrow. So imagine my surprise when I find at the bottom of his school bag (which was soaking wet for the third time in a row because yet again, he didn't put his water bottle in his lunch bag and also left the damn bottle open) another note from his teacher explaining that, yet again, he has done something not very nice to his friend. This time around he threw snow down his friend's coat and hat. Last time he had pushed his friend into a block of ice. The time before, oh god I can't even remember.

I was so mad I was crying. I'm at my wit's end and have no idea how to get it through to him, that if he continues to behave this way, a few not so nice things will happen. First he will lose every last one of his friends. Nobody likes a bully. Second, he'll probably get suspended or expelled. Thirdly... I don't even want to think about it. The path he is walking is not a good one. And it just kills me because he is such a good boy, deep down, and has such a good heart, and I don't know where all of this aggression is coming from. He says he just can't control himself sometimes and this is what he does to let out whatever is in him. I say he needs to learn and real damn quick son because: my wit's end? Yeah. I'm there.

So I'm at a point where, do I do the thing I really don't want to do, and not give him the main thing he really wants for Christmas, to teach him something? Or do I try and figure out something else? My dad would say just tan his hide until he can't sit for a week, and while in a way I'm tempted, it would just be sending the kid the worst kind of mixed message.

I don't know. And I'm so upset, and I'm embarrassed because I really like the family of his friend, and there are only so many phone calls I can make to apologise before even I don't want to hear it anymore. What do I do? I don't know. I don't know. The only thing I can do right now is cry. I'm so frustrated.

I could lie and say I've been way too busy to post, but I won't. I've just been tired in general and blase about everything. Can't shake it off. This is a hard time of year for me.

Thanksgiving weekend was hectic. The Friday night I went out with a bunch of moms from the school and my pseudo-boss showed up, she's super nice so I didn't mind her hanging out. Most of the moms went home early so it was just me, Hammer, and bossalady. Stumbled after 3 as far as Hammer's home and then she drove me the rest of the way. I'm sure I would have managed to weave my way to my door but I was thankful for the ride.

Saturday was almost a complete write-off due to Friday night's events - mostly because I had forgotten to eat both lunch AND dinner during the day so the booze hit me hard.

Sunday was thanksgiving at my mom's house which was ok but a little weird because my dad wasn't there - dad was in the states visiting his uncle who is dying from lung cancer. Monday was thanksgiving at the in-laws' - hip hop hooray. Did I mention they got another chihauhau? Ugh, I HATE those kind of dogs, I can't even tell you how much.

S is very upset with his brother, over the fact that his brother asked someone else to be best man - this wouldn't upset S so much were it not for the fact that 1) family is EVERYTHING to S - you just don't choose over and above them. S chose his brother for our wedding, even though he had a friend he was much closer to at the time, because his brother is his brother! 2) the dude his brother chose is an idiot and won't do half the stuff he's meant to, so S will probably end up doing it anyway 3) S has been there time and again for his brother, helping him move to his one ex's place, helping him move out of said ex's place when she royally screwed him over, in general helping his brother get a job at his workplace, helping his brother buy the god damned engagement ring because his brother is a nob with no credit thanks to buying a stupid necklace for the ex and then not paying for it for over a year. You know, little things like that. S has never asked for anything in return - in fact has never asked his brother for help before at all, but is always there in a blink of an eye when needed. So why his brother would choose someone is just incomprehensible.

S's brother has been pissing off a lot of people lately actually - my sisterinlaw is also upset with him, mostly for not asking S to be best man (doesn't make sense to her either, nor anyone else for that matter) but also because brotherinlaw has stated he won't be inviting ANY of motherinlaw's family - and sisterinlaw has been trying to point out to him that he simply can't choose like that, family is family and if he knows what's good for him he will suck it up and invite them. Brotherinlaw hates being told what to do, and he's stubborn, and has NO common sense, and in general very much takes after his mother. So it's been grand, let me tell you. Just grand.

I myself am trying very hard to keep out of all of this because there has been enough drama in this little circle of late, but unfortunately I am too close to the bone not to get chewed on this one.

In further adventures of "My In-Laws Are Driving Me To Drink", brotherinlaw has planned paintball for this Saturday, and invited S, but S isn't too keen on going because of this whole wedding business. Saturday night apparently motherinlaw planned brotherinlaw's birthday dinner (even though his birthday is Friday) so that "everyone can come". Sunday they planned a surprise birthday dinner for S's grandmother, even though her birthday is the weekend following, and even knowing that Sunday is S's and my anniversary. Considering S works afternoons this week, we can't even try to plan something for Friday night, something else that motherinlaw also knew. She also knew that S and I had planned to go to St. Catherine's with our kids to visit my friend Mickey & his wife, to visit their babies and in general hang out, go out for anniversary dinner with them. Now of course it is all for naught and I had to cancel plans with them, again, because last time we made plans with them there was some other sort of family event that was planned last minute. "Oh oops, you had plans? So sorry." This is her passive-aggressive way of messing with my head, because she knows I can't say anything, since these are family events she is planning, and I've iterated more than once that family is very important. Nonetheless. Fuck. Off. And then she calls me up last night and has the audacity to ask me to help her write her god damed book report (aka write it for her)

Blah blah blah. Let's stop talking about that. In other news, K is going to be Harry Potter for Halloween and C wants to be a witch. Easiest. Costumes. EVER.


Time to go make some tea and eat a biscotti and watch Judge Joe Brown or somesuch rot. Cheers.

A Referendum.

Scary.

There's been all sorts of drama going on in this one circle of friends, that I am just so very tired of and I just want to rip everything to shreds over it. What I cannot abide by is malicious gossip, and there is one person who is poisoning everything for everyone else, and nobody is saying anything about it. At least, not to her.

The troublesome thing is there is really no escape from this person. I could elaborate but I really don't feel that I should, at least not on this forum. To say the very least - I'm tired of the bull. And the drama. And the bull drama.

On another note - guess who got voted back in for treasury for Parent Council?

Let's just not talk about it.

Time to go get ready for work, I guess.

I need a night out. Suggestions?

So I have the week off this week. Yesterday we went swimming at the Lion's Pool - in spite of my dislike of public pools, we went. The kids had a blast, and that was the whole point, amen.

Today we were supposed to go to the beach but it's too overcast, so it's going to be a lazy day inside I think. That's fine by me... I suppose I could do a spring clean of the kids' rooms, but what fun is that? I've been overtaxing myself in all areas. I need the rest time.

Plus there's been a lot of drama going on all over the damn place and I need a break from that as well.

Ok, time to go do nothing things, except I'll probably snap and do the dishes and ten tons of laundry because I'll feel guilty for doing nothing things.

My baby boy turns seven this Saturday. Freaky!

Also, we're probably going to that Potter Fest thing, the kids won't shut up about it and it'll be amusing I'm sure.

Thursday I went to a gathering that my friend was holding - it was nice, everyone contributed food, there was singing amusing songs and playing guitar, it was just... nice. I hadn't seen her in a long while and I missed her.

Went out Friday night with sisterinlaw - she called me wanting me to come over and talk. It was a good time and she needed to vent - apparently she had separated with her boyfriend the weekend previous. He was still at their apartment but sleeping on the couch. He was working late Friday so he wasn't there when I had arrived. We had a few drinks and she told me what had happened, and then her friends came over, and we went out to the pub because she needed to breathe (but also because her now-ex had arrived home). We split a pitcher or two and then went to the park, sat on some swings and I let her do her thing to get back into herself.

Walked her home eventually, then got home myself. Stayed up late watching re-runs of CSI. S woke up, came down, laughed at me "I see you managed to find your way home..." and then went off to watch more Naruto (long story).

Saturday I brought sisterinlaw breakfast at work; she was very pleased. Saturday night she asked if I could come over for a bit again. So I did, and she was kind of out of sorts - turns out that her now-ex boyfriend slipped away quietly while she was working, instead of sticking around so they could talk things out more. So where did he slip to? Her other ex's house. Yeah... I have no words for that.

She said she didn't blame him, and this whole breakup was entirely her doing, but she felt he deserved to know the truth (being that she didn't love him, probably never would) and there is more to that story but it isn't for me to tell.

I stayed for an hour, let her talk things out sort of, then went home and watched the entire first season of Dead Like Me that I had rented earlier when visiting sisterinlaw at work. Love that show - seriously, it's terrific.

So as a result of watching the show, I was up late again Saturday night. By Sunday morning I was ridiculously tired. The kids and I just hung out all day - didn't do much of anything important, just lazy Sunday things.

I did a crazy amount of screen-viewing this weekend, which is pretty unusual for me, but I think my brain just wanted to take a bit of a holiday, you know?

So the weekend in Toronto? Um. I don't even know where to begin.

As soon as my mom came to pick us up, C ran out and slipped on some ice and the ice was wet and melty so therefore so was her pants. We got her fixed up and changed and then stopped at Tim Horton's and sat with some coffee before going to the VIA station. I won a free donut which we grabbed for the trip there. I don't know if it's a Portuguese thing (more likely a European thing) but we have this thing where we always pack food when we take long trips. C was in her glory because my mom brought a mini-cooler bag and it was full of cookies and iced tea and strawberries and all sorts of goodies. "Look mom, there's even room for the donut!"

The train ride up was lovely, though our group was separated a little because the train was booked solid. C and I got to sit together, but my mother ended up having to sit by someone who was - believe it or not - playing World of Warcraft on his laptop the whole trip down. C was just beside herself with giddiness over the ride. I let her have the window seat of course and she was fascinated and happy.



She brought her mp3 player and hummed quietly to herself while munching on a cookie. At every stop the train took she asked me how many more stops till ours. I explained which one we were at, and some information about it, and how much longer till we got there. She got more and more restless the closer we got.

When we got to Union Station it was chaos as usual. My mother had never been on a train either so she didn't know what to expect. She was fascinated by the underground - "it's like a whole other city down here!" We took underground paths to the Royal York which she thought was cool.

We went up the winding staircase to the lobby of the hotel and it was just beautiful. They allowed us to check in early which was awesome. The lobby was full of tv & radio types, celebrating some sort of Rogers event. My mother had the foresight to ask if the hotel took corporate rates - looks like they did, and being that we both work for the institution that we do, we were eligible for the rate - hurrah!

We got to our room and it was so, so lovely. Taking photos didn't quite give the idea but it was very spacious, and the view outside our window was of the CN Tower. C really loved that.



C jumped on one of the beds and declared it was HERS, and that me and my mother would have to share the other one. She flopped into a million pillows and the look of happiness on her face was like a little slice of heaven to me. When we were finished unpacking things and exploring the room, we then went down and out into the world to head to the mall. Shockingly my mother had never been to the Eaton Centre - wonders never cease.

She and I had a mini-argument over going via The Bay - she was convinced it was a shop on its own and would not lead us to the shopping mecca that is Eaton Centre. I managed to sway her as it was pretty nippy outside. We got in and once we got into the mall proper, the two of them were like kids at Christmas - they didn't know where to go first. Information overload.

C found a Claire's and there was no question - that was to be our first stop. We traversed quite a few shops, including one of my favorites - I mean who doesn't love Old Navy right? By the end of the excursion both C and my mom were just dog tired, and we agreed to take a cab back (Yes yes I know that's pretty damn lazy considering how close the hotel was but it was freezing out and we did have a lot (A LOT) of bags and who was I to argue over a 5 dollar trip?).

We got back to our room and my mom changed into pj pants for a bit before we'd go out for dinner. C was panicking thinking it was bed time - I explained to her, it's just the way my mom operates. We turned on the tv and watched the last 20 minutes of "Man in the Iron Mask" while my mom "rested her eyes" for a bit. C whispered to me in a conspiratorial tone that "if Mootie (her pet name for my mom) doesn't wake up when it's time to go, we're leaving without her ok?"

We ended up going to Casey's for dinner which was fine by C. After a 20 minute wait for our table ("Mum, it feels like I've spent half the day waiting for things!" Welcome to Toronto, kid) we were seated and fed pretty quickly. The food was fabulous but the portions were just huge - you could have fed 3 people with my plate alone. My caesar came with a big chili pepper hanging off the glass rather than the typical accoutrements of lemon and such. C thought we should keep it to bring to S but I wasn't about to carry a chili pepper in my purse for the rest of the excursion.

After supper we walked around the city for a bit. I wanted C to see how beautiful it can be at night (homeless people sleeping on the sidewalk and all). The skydome's big light beams were flashing in the sky. "Look mom! The bat signal!" That's my girl.

We got back to the hotel and got into our pj's and vegged out on the beds & chairs. Mrs. Doubtfire was on and C had never seen it so we had snacks (more snacks were purchased elsewhere through the day because I refuse to pay 5 bucks for a small bag of hotel goodie basket M&Ms) and chit-chatted and just relaxed. C probably didn't get to sleep until about 1 am. What the hell, it's March Break right? My mom fell asleep at ten and then woke up again at 2 - I was still awake, so she decided it was time to talk. So she did. Till about 4. Then she fell asleep again and it was just me, staring at the ceiling trying to will myself to sleep. I finally managed to but then woke up around 7, up like a rocket. Stupid internal clock.

Cinnabons and hotel coffee for breakfast, while C had pop tarts (the mini cooler strikes again!) and then we packed up and went to the train station. The departures area requires we go into the station proper. This thrilled them as - well - it really is a sight to see. The opulence of Union Station is worth seeing at least once. Then we found a fruit vendor in the area where we board the trains so C and I got some apples and pears to munch on while mom watched the bags. I spotted a photo booth so C and I went in and took some photos - it's a thing we seem to do every time we have a mother-daughter outing. Then C convinced my mom to go in with her - the photos came out pretty goofy which was just great.

We got on the train and this time managed to acquire a set of four seats facing each other. Surrounded by bags, C settled in for another 2 hour trip.




If only we knew what was in store.

The rest of this story some of you may have already read/heard about from me, but for the rest of you, hold on to your hats.

We had just left the Guelph train station when I saw it happen. My daughter thankfully was oblivious - daydreaming and listening to music, looking at a book. She felt the thump-thump, and heard the train's brakes, and smelled the burning of the brakes, but didn't know what really happened until I explained it (very briefly).

A Toyota Corolla failed to stop at a railway crossing near Woolwich-Guelph Townline. As a result our train hit it. I'm not sure why - maybe they didn't see the lights and hear the bell and train horn blaring, but the car was trying to outrun the train and I saw the train hit its rear end clear off. It flew into the air and it spun like the tazmanian devil and flew into a ditch - metal flew all over the place. And then the car's engine caught fire. Blood and shrapnel everywhere. The train had tried to break but how the hell do you stop a moving train right? So they burned the breaks out and then we were stuck in the train for three hours while police and everyone tried to sort things out. In the end they ended up paying for cabs to take people to their final destinations.

I texted S on his cell when it happened and immediately he called me. "Are you ok? What happened?" and in the background his buddy JG said "Was she driving, is that why they hit something?" Leave it to him to try and diffuse something with humor. It worked a little but I was still edgy and S could tell. I told him NOT to tell K anything until we got home, just tell him we would be a little late. I wanted to tell K after we were already home so that he could see for himself that we were safe, and so his little 6 year old self wouldn't worry unnecessarily. S agreed to this but said what about his 28 year old self?

I just keep thinking about how I saw it happen and it seemed so surreal. My mother had no idea what was going on - "why did we stop? Why aren't we moving?" because she obviously didn't hear me shout "oh my god we just hit a car!" There were three passengers - two women and a nine year old boy. The boy was pronounced dead at the scene and the women were airlifted to a nearby hospital. The women are still in critical condition. The engineers have asked for a leave of absence apparently - who can blame them? How do you make amends with yourself over that, even though it was beyond your control to avoid it?

C said she never wanted to see a train again. I tried to explain to her I've been on one thousands of times, and that this sort of thing very very rarely happens, but she wasn't convinced. Today she seems to be okay with it, and has said she'd be willing to try it again, but could Daddy please come this time too?



Frankly while I remained calm the whole time, after we got home I was a wreck. Really shaken up and I just keep thinking my god imagine how the engineers feel, you know? Here's the thing. The train hit the tail of the car. I bet if the car had about 5 more seconds, it would have made it across the tracks. Five more seconds. If their day had been behind by five more seconds, they'd be alive, and it would be just another close call, lesson learned. I keep thinking about that. Five more seconds.

And now I hug my kids for five seconds longer and am just so damn thankful we're all okay.

So. How was YOUR weekend?