Oh, well, the night is long the beads of time pass slow, Tired eyes on the sunrise, waiting for the eastern glow.

Dead tired
Originally uploaded by sadsilliness.

My sistern in law came over yesterday just a mess. A friend of hers decided to attempt suicide, shortly after she told him they could only ever "just be friends". She feels terrible of course and blames herself - understandably, as her ex boyfriend killed himself a couple of years ago. She feels at fault and is scared of relationships now.

I jokingly told her that her only option now was to become a monk. She was grateful that I was home as I provide good distractions - I know exactly how she is and know that what she didn't need was someone going "oh honey boo hoo that's right cry it out". I mean I let her cry a little and hugged and hugged her like the Dickens, but then I straightened her up and poured her some wine. We made brownies and then she stayed for supper. We talked about whatnots and nothings and I made her laugh and bit back my anger at that selfish boy who made an attempt on his life in so selfish a gesture it makes me absolutely sick to think about it.

This guy has a daughter who is barely three. He apparently has been in love with my sisterinlaw since he met her years ago in high school. She and he lost track of each other, then started hanging out recently. On my sisterinlaw's part there were no feelings, she made no advances, there was no physical aspect to the relationship that would allow for these emotions of his to give way. Apparently he was being treated for depression and some other thing. She and he had an argument wherein she told him explicity and firmly that she did not feel about him in any sort of romantic/sexual way and she never could. She thought they were friends and she was sorry if he ever thought there could be anything else, but she thought she had made herself pretty clear. After she left apparently he took all his medication at once. He is now at the hospital, incoherent and in restraints. Something inside of him snapped and I told my sisterinlaw - she cannot control these things. She has no control over what he does to himself, no more than he could control her feelings. The fact that he KNEW exactly what she has gone through, KNEW how much she went through to get over blaming herself about her ex-boyfriend's suicide, makes it all the worse and makes what he did absolutely pathetic and terrible.

My sisterinlaw's culpability in this is nonexistant, but that is not how she feels at this point in time. In any case, we then went to the pharmacy and got hair dye and dyed her hair. We didn't have enough dye though so we had to go back a second time. The first adventure to the pharmacy resulted in my bumping into someone I hadn't seen in years, and this person I saw has this way about them that causes my heart to stop and I never know what to do. I don't know where to put my hands and where to look or how to be. I can't explain why this happens to me whenever I encounter this person - it just does, and it always leaves me reeling as though I'd been struck by cold water.

I did my best to shake it off though, as I had a mission in keeping my sisterinlaw company. She could tell something was off though. It didn't matter, I managed to cheer her up a bit and she went home in much better spirits than when she first arrived.

I have not slept much in the past while and you can tell. Photo evidence above indicates that the baggage on my eyes could not get any lower if it tried. Any remedies for insomnia are appreciated, but keep in mind I refuse to take sleeping pills and gave up on counting sheep long ago.