My kids' jackopumpkins look like strongsad and marzipan. RULE!

Must get film for camera.

Last night I should have gone in for overtime because yet again assignments are piling up, but SO wanted to go visit JG in the hospital so off he went. *shrug*

If the plant controller thinks I'll get the B.T.E. receiving mess fixed by Friday, he is seriously demented.

I have to do mega overtime tonight, *sigh* so that means I will get little time to catch up on my reading for class tomorrow. I also get my mid-term back tomorrow, I'm a little nervous about that...

Halloween is quickly approaching, and I have never felt so blase about it in my life. I don't know what's wrong, seriously. Halloween is my most favorite of holidays, and this year I could care less about it... :
I have a doctor's appointment today, which I should go to, but I'm waffling about, because going means taking an hour out of my workday, and in that hour I am guaranteed to have a bajillion things happen, so that the rest of my day when I return will be a complete write-off because I will spend most of it trying to catch up with myself.

But I should go. That whole face-is-still-sorta-numb thing should be looked at.

joyquality, i am sending out your lollipops this friday.

In other news, is this crazy or what? (Link yoinked from a recent jaubertmoniker entry.) I bet end-times prophets are just having a hay-day over it. "Oooh, the sun is burping, the end days are near!"

I have been thinking a lot more about my grandfather lately. My dad's dad. I don't know why... I just keep thinking about the time my Dad said he wanted to hire two coimbra guitarists and get them and my grandfather to perform, and tape it so that he had something to remember him by... and how... shortly after that, came the cancer diagnosis. So it never happened.

Regret is such a hard thing to deal with sometimes.

So last night SO told me his friend was JG hospitalized yesterday, apparently he woke up and couldn't breathe, so his wife took him up to emerg, and guess what? Collapsed lung. Oi. :
That's the thing with him working where he works, they inhale a lot of steel dust which wreaks havoc on their breathing... this is the 2nd person in a few months to be hospitalized for that reason. *sigh*

I still have no idea what I will dress up as on Halloween for work. Hmmm. I may just cop out and do the vamp thing...

My LiveJournal Trick-or-Treat Haul
(name withheld) goes trick-or-treating, dressed up as teen angst.
chrystalm gives you 10 red cinnamon-flavoured jelly beans.
cutiestar tricks you! You lose 2 pieces of candy!
ducky537 gives you 17 purple coffee-flavoured jelly beans.
hemos tricks you! You lose 22 pieces of candy!
kg4yef tricks you! You lose 1 pieces of candy!
moonflower123 tricks you! You lose 1 pieces of candy!
oh_chris gives you 5 red-orange blueberry-flavoured gummy bears.
orangejulius gives you 11 brown passionfruit-flavoured miniature candy bars.
quizro gives you 13 green pineapple-flavoured gumdrops.
radlab0 gives you 14 yellow lime-flavoured wafers.
graceness ends up with 44 pieces of candy.
Go trick-or-treating! Username:
Another fun meme brought to you by rfreebern.

wish i could pick em all. may have to do this several times to see varied results. now i know who the tricksy ones are! aha!

So I still can't feel the left side of my lips. I suppose I should worry, but meh. Likely just afteraffects of the hideous migraine from yesterday. I went in to work today to work on things I'd neglected yesterday since I got sent home and all. People showed up and kept asking me what the hell was I doing there. Uhm, it's called integrity. I said I'd return to finish off some loose ends and by damn, I kept my word. Numb face aside. A guy from Auburn was in today as well because they are moving some of our network thingerdos to that facility. He was very concerned. He knows one of my bosses who works out of Novi, so maybe it will get back to him that I am the oh-so-dedicated worker that he doesn't seem to think I am. Because I am. To an almost blind stupidity.

SO thinks I should go off on stress leave. Hell with that. Can't afford to.

Right now he is watching Bulletproof Monk. AGAIN. I made him a big tray of salsa dip consisting of sour cream, diced tomatoes, diced onion, hot salsa, and shredded mild cheddar on top. He is happily munching on tostitos and that dip stuff. Didn't bother with a formal dinner. Got to love Saturdays. C and K requested the oh-so-posh Pokemon version of "zoodles" for dinner. Who am I to argue? I forget what I ate for supper. I can't recall if I even ate. Hmm. That could be bad.

Mum driving me crazy already. Gave me a lecture on taking better care of myself, because if I don't my entire self will just fall apart, little by little. Right, because I can't possibly know all these things already.

I had initially had November 28 booked off, but it looks like that got nixed by the boss in Novi because "it's a holiday in the US, so nobody will be around to cover it, can you reschedule?" ARGH! Ok, so I'll re-schedule, but the whole point in my taking that day off is because it's the day after my final exam and I wanted a day of relaxation. Fuuuuck.

I feel like writing something but I can't motivate myself to do it coherently. Hrmmmm.

Maybe I should go to bed.

migraine from hell today. complete loss of vision. ended up getting driven from work to hospital where they pumped me full of meds and sent me home. mum picked the kids up, lovely lovely mum. thank god for mothers (tomorrow i will go back to "my mom drives me crazy").

slept for several hours today and now i am wide awake. 1:32 am as i type this. gah.

i have to go to work tomorrow to make up for the work i didn't do today. hurrah!

gonna go try that sleep thing now. nightnight.


My little girl
Drive anywhere
Do what you want
I don't care

Tonight
I'm in the hands of fate
I hand myself
Over on a plate

Now

Oh little girl
There are times when I feel
I'd rather not be
The one behind the wheel

Come
Pull my strings
Watch me move
I'll do anything

Please

Sweet little girl
I prefer
You behind the wheel
And me the passenger

Drive
I'm yours to keep
Do what you want
I'm going cheap

Tonight

You're behind the wheel, tonight

Gleened from my.yahoo.com's daily tips on healthy living:

Chase away the chills with hot tea and you might lower your cholesterol.

In a study of black tea, people who combined a moderately low-fat diet with frequent tea consumption lowered their LDL (bad) cholesterol as much as 8 percent more than people who followed only the diet portion of the cholesterol-lowering plan. Tea also is a rich source of heart-healthy flavoniods.

So yesterday I took a mental health day and skipped class. I have my reading caught up and know someone who will give me notes so I feel NO guilt whatsoever. I ended up messing about with the kids for a while, then I went over to my mom's and we went for a walk, then I helped her get her costume together for a presentation she has to make at work. They are all dressing up as Seuss characters so she is dressing up as the nook with the book on a hook (if you can tell me the reference I will give you a lollipop).

The walking part, while painful (remember: broken toe) was also refreshing and helped me pound out some of the frustration I've been having at work. It was also nice because it is like walking down a road to reparation between my mother and I. We never really talked when I was younger, and now with 45 minutes of walking you can't expect to be silent the whole time, so things are coming out and being discussed and for once she's actually hearing what I have to say. Mainly because she isn't distracted with her "womanly duties" like she is when I try to talk to her when she's at home.

Last night's conversation was about my grandfathers. It's sad that they are both gone now, and I still think about my father's father almost every day. I almost never think of my mother's father but when I do it is mostly anger.

Neither of them were saints but my mother's father was especially bad. And I felt cheated out of a grandfather because I happened to have one who was an abusive alcoholic womanizer who did not give a fuck about his family. I never went to his funeral, a thing I do not regret in the least. I refused to pay my respects to someone who never cared for me. And I refused to watch the hypocrasy that was rampant on that day.

My father's father, while having his own foibles, at the very least I can say he loved me, he loved all us grandkids, and he was around, and he was so... full of life. He had a prescence that just filled the room when he was there. And this big booming laugh. And I remember the last time I saw him, in the hospital, he seemed so small and scared, and I had never seen him like that before. It tore me to pieces and made me feel a thousand things that I cannot articulate right now. I showed him my newborn daughter on that day, at least I can say that he was alive to see his first great-grandchild. I miss him. I can't even begin to say how much.

I didn't mean for this post to turn out meloncholy. I think my mind is trying to do some spring cleaning of sorts (yes yes I know it is autumn shut up).

I have more to say but it is time to get the kids to the babysitter and for me to go to work.

Have a lovely day, folks

http://www.enchantedlearning.com/crafts/halloween/

I pity the foo!

Ever get that feeling. WHere you have a ton of things to say, but you are so very tired, and achey, and you've been crying on and off all day (a difficult thing to accomplish when your workplace is a very public one and you don't have much access to escape). Yeah. I feel like that today.

I almost quit my job today, almost. There are a lot of things going on but I'm too tired to talk about it and nobody gives too much of a rat's ass about it anyway, bla di bla yeah I know waaa waaaa what a pity right?

I'm also very close to telling someone off but I haven't quite reached my plateau of anger. Yeah.

You know what I love about journals? I can write whatever the fuck I want because hey, it's my journal. Nobody is making you read this mess. Nyah nyah.

Phillipe is the bestest ever.

They layed off a few people at work yesterday, therefore today everyone was in panic mode and scurrying around like bees. This would be fine except it seems to have increased my workload 300 per cent.

I was supposed to go for a walk with mom (yes on a broken toe, shut up) tonight but I flaked off because I was too busy feeling sorry for myself. Aren't I a peach?

Me me me me me me me. Me me.

I deserve to be this way sometimes. I get so tired of listening to and caring about other people's crap and getting no return. I tried to articulate how I was feeling today at work and out of five people, only one person understood and actually listened. The other four waited patiently for a break in conversation and I could see from their face they were looking for some way to relate whatever I was saying back to themselves so they could talk about their stuff again. I really hate that. Don't listen if you don't care. Cripes.

I'm also coming to a point in my life where I am finally tired of saying "sure" when I mean "no". What I mean is, I am tired of giving and giving and giving of myself without taking, because fuck that man. What am I teaching my kids by being this way? That it's ok to be a doormat? To do everything for everyone in order to keep the peace? I don't fucking think so. Enough is enough. I miss me. Time to bring her back.

Oh, for pete's sake, people please stop dying already

happy anniversary to me...

SO got me a new desk chair which pleased me muchly, but made me feel bad because all i could afford was a sketch pad and some new sketching pencil set... :\

I keep thinking about things that I need to change to make me feel better about me.

The problem is, in the end, a lot of people are going to be hurt. Well that isn't the true problem. The true problem is, I am caring less and less about whether it will hurt them or not.

p.s. this has nothing to do with family or anything so don't go jumping to conclusions.

hah!

Tomorrow is my 3 yr wedding anniversary with SO. Boy howdy, did that go by quickly. We're both broke so it is going to be very low-key. I did manage to get him a nice sketchbook, though. I am on the hunt for a nice fountain pen for him (for inking his sketches). Hopefully I'll find him one by christmas. What I *really* would like to get him is a nice graphics tablet. Hmmm.

So. Sleepy.

My favoritest time of year is coming up, and I feel completely unprepared for it. I usually figure out my costume for the year by beginning of September, and it is now mid-October and I still have no clue what to do! I figured I might recycle one of my old costume ideas, but meh. This whole work/school/work/work/work/work/work/wor

k/work/work/work thing is making me lose my excitement for the one holiday I ALWAYS partake in, no matter what. *sigh*

I've been playing with my dotcom again, because it looked like ass before. So now it looks a little better, but has no content because I'm too lazy to format it all right now. Ha. I suck.

I've just finished up a spreadsheet for work that I did from the comfort of my own home, tra la la. Fie on you, work! FIE!

Someone was murdered last night. Here are the details from our local radio station:

Police Response: Stfd Police are involved in a major investigation in the West Gore and Cambria area of the city. No confirmed details have been made to CJCS by the Police Department, CJCS will pass them on when they become available.

Nice details, non? Yeah. Murder is such a big deal these parts, because it "conflicts with the festive atmosphere we attempt to present to our tourist population". I kid you not, a local official once told me this. Murders and other things are covered up for 7 of the 12 months out of the year. If they are covered, it is as low-key as possible. Ridiculous.

Anyway. I forget what I was going to say. Guh.

Today is big bossaman day at work. I wonder if it still smells like fresh paint in my area? That would be comical! Rath's Roses was called to bring us some cinnamon apple thingers to make it smell nice, we'll see if it does the trick.

Today is also picture day for C at school. I'm a little concerned; she complained of a tummy ache this morning... I hope she feels ok now :\ I had misgivings about sending her to school today, but she insisted...

I appears that my body has agreed to house a nasty chest cold for the time being. Thus I sound more like a chain-smoking-bourbon-slinging old lady than ever. This should make the phone-answering part of my job interesting!(I could also probably blame the coming on of this chest cold to my recent fall back into smoking (ugh!) menthol cigarettes, as they seemed to be the only ones handy at the time (thank you fellow workmate) but that day just happened to be a cigarette kind of day.

Tonight I'm off to school, hopefully. If C is sick I won't be going anywhere, thus missing yet another class... *sigh*

My cousin V called me last night and we talked till about midnight, which was nice, we talked about all sorts of things and more or less crammed 3 weeks worth of talk into two hours. But now I am very, very tired. Guh. Woke up at 4 am completely wide awake; it ended in productivity though, as I had a few things to do that were forgotten the night previous.

p.s. my toe *is* broken. it was popped neatly back into line and is now taped to the other toe. I must somehow make wearings slippers to work more fashionable. Will keep up to date on my progress in this matter.

I went in to work yesterday and today. Today I could have stayed longer but decided enough is enough and brought some home. I have yet to do what I brought home. Instead I have been browsing ibdreamy's livejournal layouts. Some are pretty damn cool; a lot of it is revolved around particular themes (evanescence, fight club, retro pinup girls) but those can be replaced with whatever photothingamagigs you wanted. Yay for wasting time! We'll see if I use any of these... hmm...

happy birthday, flamingweasel!

So I've been up with K since 3 because he's sick. Yet again I am cornered with the daunting decision of "do I stay home? or do I suck it up, send him to the babysitter anyway, and go to work?" Being a mom is so tricky sometimes. I will see how he feels when he wakes up in a few hours.

I have a mid-term test tonight, and am very nervous about it. There is only so much information I can cram into my head. Trying to fit a pint's worth of information into a shotglass of a brain. Yeah. Spillage everywhere. So I am going to dress up extra nicely, thus tricking myself into believing that if I *look* successful, I will *be* so.

According to my oh-so-clever Shoebox(tm) day planner, today is National Boss's Day. I wonder, which nation is it that is celebrating this auspicious day? If it were all nations, surely they would call it International Boss's Day? I can just see the fabulous Boss Day parades, with over-worked secretaries tapdancing down the street with their dictophones and somewhere a float with a big brass band blaring out "Nine to Five". And people dressed up as the cast of Dilbert throwing memo pads and paperclip chains out into the crowds. Ok. Clearly I need more sleep. To celebrate this day I made fudge, which I may or may not share with my boss.

on Saturday, I went over to visit my parents a bit while they were preparing for Sunday's festivities. Mom pulled out the 26 lb turkey to prepare it ahead of time. My son took one look at it and asked, "Mootie (their pet name for my mother), are we having DINOSAUR for thanksgiving?"

No word of a lie.

So the old Cooper plant downtown is burning up as we speak. Cloud black and big enough to see from our home (a good 40 minute jaunt - by foot - away). reluctance, I believe we walked by this building when you came to visit last year. It's around the train station-ish. There was a lot of shit in that plant so no doubt the clouds are contaminated with toxic fumes... and yet people are finding it necessary to bring their kids out to see it.

The funny thing is, there has been a lot of controversy of late surrounding this old building; it is located in what the city believes would be the perfect spot to build a parking garage. The locals have protested the inevitable taxation that would occur to cover cost of the removal of this building. There is a lot of crap underground they'd have to get rid of. The ground the building stood on is so polluted they would literally have to ship it off to the dump.

One can't help but wonder if the fire was set on purpose, to get rid of the eyesore of the building and save the city a fabulous amount of de-construction money...

...and this is happening on an election year as well. I can just see the campaigns now...

I would *so* be a sweathog, hahaha

So I ended up coming home early from work to pick C up from school. *sigh* The poor little bug is sleeping on the couch now; my in-laws are going to pick Kevin up from the babysitters.

This is fine, I just wish I didn't have to call eleventy-billion people before leaving. Seriously. If I have to call in sick, I call my first boss, my second boss, plant 1, 2, 3, 4, 6, and 8, Chrysler's broker, GM's broker, Ford's broker, Stats Canada, our purchasing department, the back-up switchboard operator, and the accounting department. So nine times out of ten? I go in sick anyway. So. Since I had to leave early to pick C up from school, not only did I have to call all these people, I had to make sure all loose ends were tied up and promise to return sometime tonight to do the batch of commercial invoices for the early-hours shipments for tomorrow. Yesh. It sucks. Also I had to scramble to find someone to cover the front desk duties, which was like pulling teeth. fuuuuuuck.

Being a mom is so hard some days. My only instinct was to drop everything and get her; instead I had to dance circles before leaving. Thus, it took 45 minutes to leave. *sigh*

Now I am having second thoughts about going to school tonight, because I hate leaving my kids when they are sick. Also, I would have to go to work immediately after school at odd hours to fulfill my obligation there. What a mess. I just want to cry, because I have wanted to go back so badly, and now that I'm back I keep having to miss it because of other obligations. I am putting my own self on the back burner to fill up everybody else's agenda. It is almost sickening. The motherhood bit is not the issue here. It's all the other crap. :'(

Why am I even bothering to write all this down? Blah bla bla waaaa waaaa. SHut up, right? Right.

So bigwigs of our company from all corners are coming either today or tomorrow. Which means everybody is on full tight-pants mode. Scurrying to get things done, and I have to laugh because you just know the wigs will come in and smell the new paint, see the waxed floors, and know we scraped it all together at the last minute, even though they gave us a month's notice of the visit. Goes to show you, organization is caput these days.

I've been asked to wear my Sunday bestest (read: put on a damn skirt for once) as I am at the front desk and therefore the first person they get to see. Smile pretty. Laugh at their jokes. Etc. I detest these things but I am good at putting on the face for them, so.

Tomorrow is also picture day for my daughter at school. She's pretty excited about it but also a little worried, she doesn't like photographer types, she says they give her the heebie-jeebies. Must be all that waving puppets in her face when she was littler to get her to smile. Can't say as I blame her.

My son has a cold and I think I'm getting one as well. I think it's from all the zig-zagging the weather has been doing of late. Just what I need, a freaking cold. Bleh.

A friend of mine is in hospital from bad diabetic attack, has been since Friday. I can't say that I am too surprised; he has a rather lax attitude towards his diabetes, regardless of the fact that he was diagnosed at 12-13, he doesn't do the blood sugar testing or any of that nonsense, just takes his insulin when he feels he needs to, and eats whatever, etc. I am a little worried about him, and am hoping he pulls together fine.

This link is for quizro, just in case he needs to build a rocket: http://www.crack-a-jack.com/rocket/index.html

Time for work now. Tick-tock.

I think I might have broken my left baby toe last night.

Also: This weekend is (Canuck) thanksgiving. Must remember to call mother and contribute something as it will be a big one (read: lots of family) this year.

Also to break from the monotony of the phone-answering segment of my job, I have taken to putting on various accents throughout the day. It makes it interesting when someone calls for a second time that day and is greeted by a completely different accent than the prior call. ha!

I have taken it upon myself to put old photos into a scrapbook, because as of this point they have been doing nothing but holding down cardboard boxes. Yeah. It's interesting and is actually pretty stress-relieving.

School is interesting, though I find our talks always turn out political rather than remaining on the subject ie: history of law. Mind you law and politics are rather closely linked... and I wouldn't mind, but our debates end up being about American politics, which is silly when taking a Canadian course...

.

.

.

...did I mention I think I broke my toe? Because it really, really hurts. And it's all purple and stuff. And no, I haven't seen a doctor, and no, I likely won't. I'll just get a splint or something.

Saw "Bowling for Columbine" and "Bend it Like Beckham" on Sunday. An interesting mix, yes. I have come to the conclusion that I am a DVD-aholic, pathetically enough I buy DVD's only to see the behind-the-scenes stuff, all the features. Sometimes I could care less about ever seeing the movie again; I just want to know all it's secrets! I love looking for the easter eggs too.

The wedding that SO was best man for on Sept. 27th was interesting... two ministers, one Zion, one Presbyterian, were presiding. It was at 5 o'clock which was extra weird because the bride comes from the farm and that's still chore time for most people. In any case. The reception was nice and a man I know from work's band was playing, they are quite good actually. It was nice to see old friends but depressing as well when I came to the realization that our circle was closing in and that we had no more weddings to go to. heh.

I have more to say but also have a ton of stuff to do. So. Yeah.