you're sleeping in your bed
just rest your weary head
maybe you shouldn't care
throw away those dreams

Introspective.

Cavity in my head throbbing, high pitched screams disrupting my everything. At work. yes. at work.

Can't cry for laughing

mo my momma momma mo my mother...

Can I get a witness? Less stress. Please?

Boss visited today. Did not recognize my own boss. Yeah. Bleh.

Meh.

He couldn't believe how fast

I typed.

yeah.

so.

can I get a witness? Need to get out of this mess.

can't cry for

can't cry

can't

oh yes I can.

Whoops, there goes my heart again.

No bandaid left to tape it.

when we were kids, we hated things our parents did...

Depressed and stressed and no one here to witness.

I can't remember the last time I really laughed and meant it.

cradle my heart in an eggshell, be careful not to blow it all out again

snap!

People at work are acting more and more hostile to me. What the bleeding fuck. I have no idea. Maybe I should just shut the fuck up and be happy I have a job, right?

Maybe I should just

shut

the fuck

up.

shut out what they say, they're too dumb to mean it anyway

I spent all day thinking it was Tuesday.

The only thing I wanted for my birthday was to be made to feel I was worth their while. I got towels and dinner at Red Lobster.

Why do I even bother anymore?

have you forgotten how to love yourself

can't cry for laughing

tripped over two hitmen asleep on a rosebed

now i've found you, seems like i'll calm down

chill out, i'll come quietly

won't make a sound...

happy birthday to me.

So.

The buck and doe on the weekend was great, because there were people there I haven't seen in a while and also because SO and I haven't been out together doing something fun without kids in tow for a long, long time. Well. The kids were there for the dinner part and they entertained everyone with their dancing. C was whooping it up like she was on flashdance, sliding across the floor and everything. She came up to the table at one point and I asked her if she wanted any more to eat and she said, rather seriously, "no thanks mom, I have to go back to work." and ran off and did her gymnastics in the middle of the floor again. SO's parents were good enough to take the kids home with them and SO's father offered to pick us up at the end of the event so we wouldn't have to fork out money for a cab.

Needless to say, I had a bit to drink. Ok a lot. I was matching him drink for drink, at one point I think I even passed him. A lot of it was a blur but mostly it was fun. Also had a long talk with one of our friends who is going through a bit of a bad patch; his wife left him back in June. We are all shocked and outraged about the events that led up to this defection and I'd detail it here but some matters are not for public dissection. I feel so awful for this guy, he's one of those nice people that everyone loves and wouldn't hurt a fly. Yeah.

A friend from work showed up at the event as well which was sort of neat, though it's difficult to mix both worlds together, know?

After the buck and doe we all went to the bar where most of us actually didn't even want to be. The bar is loud and annoying full of obnoxious drunks and just not my scene anymore. After about a half hour there we all went to our friend SC's (the guy whose wife left him) home and drank some more and just talked. It was really nice.

Came home just in time to greet the morning birds. Stayed up longer and talked and whatever. Went to bed and ended up tossing and turning until finally giving up, getting up and watching television. Stayed up long enough to watch the George Burns & Gracie Allen show (yow!) and fell asleep halfway through Cosby. Woke up an hour later still feeling drunk. Yeah. Sort of sat on the couch curled up into a ball until around noon when I finally got enough energy to get up, take a shower and wake up SO.

His parents came and dropped the kids off, then SO's mom was good enough to take me and C to the grocery store to get some last minute supplies for K's birthday (as I was in no condition to drive, hungover and all).

Went to work Monday STILL hungover. Was long, long day. Came home and we had planned a bbq for K, so naturally it poured rain. Nonetheless, the bbq went on and everyone was well fed and K got spoiled and all was well. I cannot believe my baby is three.

Tuesday and Wednesday was a blur of trying to tie up loose ends before taking time off today through to next Tuesday. So yeah. Don't recall much about that.

SO bought Star Wars Galaxies, it actually looks neat (from an outsider's point of view) but I bet it is still buggy as all hell.

He also re-started his Dark Age of Camelot account and bought the expansion. Oi.

Did I mention I really want a truck? I do. We had to get the car fixed last week and after inconveniencing us for three days in a row they finally acquiesced and gave us a courtesy vehicle - free of charge, woo! Gorgeous truck, don't ask me what make because I am car stupid. It was a ford and it was black and it had a back seat in the cab and all kinds of room and it was like flying down the road because I was up so high. Mmm. Truck.

So the car is all fixed which was another big bite out of our money situation. So buck and doe investment + k's birthday + fixing the car + not one, but TWO online games purchased (poss. three, don't know if he quit EQ yet) = no birthday happiness for me. Yeah. I don't want to talk about it, ok? It just upsets me.

Time to go do anything but work.

Today was a good day at work. One of the girls I work with who is there as a summer student (she was there last year as well, and we get along great) made me a rainbow chip birthday cake with gummies and kit kats and fuzzy peaches on top. Total surprise. She also got everyone she ran into to sign a card for me. It was a wonderful surprise and I really felt nice about it.

...until...

there's this other girl at work and we have the same birthday and she got all bent out of shape because they didn't make anything for her. So she's been totally snubbing me and trying to make ME feel bad about something beyond my control.

The reason why they did it today and not Friday (my birthday is Sunday for those of you keeping track) is because I decided FUCK IT I AM TAKING TIME OFF WORK so tomorrow, Fri and Monday I AM ON HOLIDAY! YAY!

ok gotta go eat supper now

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JANNIE!

My internet was being cruddy last night and I could not do that earlier. Snarl.

PS jannie I dunno if I can get anyone to watch the kidlets, maybe I can bring them with me to visit you? Or we could wait till monday and I can visit you then when SO is home

My son turned three today. Happy birthday, little K. You make my heart smile like sunshine.

I still have things to say about the weekend and also about today's birthday events, but I'm still also quite tired and feel no energy to write it all down.

Apologies all around. Meh. Only about 4 of you actually read these entries anyway ;p

Crazy as it sounds, THIS stuff happens to me all. the. frickin. time.

Also, I am tired.

Also, uhm... I forget what I was going to write.

.

.

.

...oh! Right. Tonight is a buck and doe for SO's friend CL and his fiance KL. SO is the best man at their upcoming nuptials, so obviously he has to attend the buck & doe. I am not feeling so hot however, and K just got over the flu. Hopefully C won't get it but we can't be sure. I want to go to this event, but at the same time I really, really do not want to go. I mostly want to go to see friends I haven't seen in a while. I mostly don't want to go because I feel like a bag of hell and need nothing more than 16 hours of sleep (wishful thinking).

I'm going to go visit my cousin L in August, that will be nice. She is also hosting the next CGN in September, I cannot wait! We were talking on the phone last night and she said "you know, you really set the bar high for this" and I said "woman, go big or go home." And then we laughed. Honestly, it isn't about the stuff, it's about spending time together as a family. We obviously can't rely on our parents to take the initiative and we are surely old enough to do it ourselves. Meh.

Can you picture me with a phone at each ear, typing madly on the computer to finish off a NAFTA while greeting customers at my desk? That was my ENTIRE day yesterday. Yeah. Hell, that was most of my week.

I have this stupid song stuck in my head, THANKS ALOT CRAPPY RADIO STATION.

I woke up absolutely freezing. Small wonder, SO had wrapped the blankets around him like he was some sleeping burrito. He totally coccoons himself when he sleeps, which is fine most of the time as I am a walking furnace, but when I am not feeling well, the heat just ain't there and my teeth were all chattery.

Ok time to go do mom type things. Have a good day everyone.

General question: what was the best/most interesting wedding you've been to? If you have not been to a wedding at all, then uhm, replace "wedding" with "other large gathering involving mass quantities of food and drink".

qous! munky!

also i was up all night taking care of k who has the flu. i am exhausted but can't call in to work because my boss is at a conference and he's the only other person who can do my job. bah.

Reading this totally made my day. Thanks guys. Much love.

Work is work. I am happy to have a job and am adapting to doing both pretty well.

Finally caved and got the NWN expansion. So yeah.

My son turns 3 on the 21st. I turn 27 on the 27th. Yay for July! I decided to take the thursday friday and monday off work on my birthday weekend. That way I can wallow in my birthdaical (is that a word?) depression without interruption from work duties. ha!

Had dinner with my sister-in-law's ex today. Was nice to see him though a little weird too, I don't know. bah.

Had more to say but mind went blank. Bleh.

please leave a message at the beep.





beep

Watched Gangs of New York last night. It was pretty good, once I got over the fact that I really wasn't too impressed by Leonardo DiCaprio playing an Irishman with a really crappy accent. But yay for Daniel Day-Lewis!

The story was good and worthy of anyone's time. I am especially impressed (read: thankful) that Scorcese decided to build the set instead of CGI the whole damn thing. Believability in the CGI world only goes so far.

We also stayed up and watched the documentary-ish thing on the special features section, was interesting to see how they researched everything for this movie. Interesting to note that the devestation caused by the riots back then was greater in numbers than the devestation caused by the attacks on the WTC. Near the end they mentioned something about the Statue of Liberty being a gift from France, which made SO laugh a little to think of the irony. I knew about the whole gift from France bit but apparently he did not. "Really? From France? That place with the F-word everyone is replacing with the word Freedom? Interesting."

So I forget where I was going with this. Didn't get to sleep till 4 am. Was got up at 6 by the rugrats. Am now going to get some breakfast. Ta-ta.

cut out my heart and it flies to the ceiling,
time will destroy you like a mexican god

Hello Mr. Bacardi, meet my good friends Orange Juice, Sprite, and Grenadine. What's say you all get together in this little shaker here? There we go. Whee! Now that you've all mingled, let's introduce you to my good friend, stomach. Mmmmm. Frooty.

Apologies to sarcasmosis for my inane conversation. Can't all be gems, yanno.

Children drove me absolutely nutty today. Also half-assed watched "About Schmidt" which I probably would have enjoyed better had I not kept getting interrupted.

Who needs another drink?

We got the kids a new pool a few days ago because the one we had from last year was somehow ripped up. Can't understand how as it was packed safely in the garage all winter. Anyway, the weather has been nice but not nice enough to really enjoy said swimming apparatus, as the water was FRICKING COLD. Was supposed to take the kids to Storybook Gardens this week, it's DINOSAUR WEEK! but the car is feeling sick and well, weather today looks crappy. Maybe we will take them tomorrow or Saturday. Hope so.

We rented some movies last night, a rarity in our house as we have satellite and usually just wait till they come on the telly before watching. But there wasn't much to watch, so off we went to the movie store. CM was working last night the kids were pretty happy to see her. I'm not really sure where I was going with this train of thought as I keep getting interrupted by things while I type this.

Had lunch with S Wednesday at the Elizabethan, it had been literally AGES since I've been there so it was nice but we both concentrated more on our food than conversation, hehehehe. It's always nice to lunch with her because we both have this way of being either really chatty or really not so chatty but either way is fine. You know? I can't explain it. Maybe because I'm typing this at 6:45 am. Hrm.

Went shopping today. While I was out everyone and their brother tried to contact me. Figures. I bought two pairs of leather sandals for ten bucks total. YES! Also. Am addicted to Ardene surprise bags, a hella cheap way to get a bunch of accessories, plus the whole mystery angle. Two bags for five bucks! In them I got some pretty sweet stuff, including a $20 pr of sunglasses. YES! Also I cut my hair today, it is all short and ringletty a la Shirley Temple, but uhm, not so fouryearoldish. I think I like it. I think.

Thank you for tuning in to this day's update of My Boring Life. Be sure to tune in next time, when I *gasp!* pay an overdue library fine!

Oh! This is a bit of news: JMc & E had their baby on Monday. A little boy named Logan. Cute little tyke. Can't wait to see him.

Holy cats, Barry White is gone?

all the goodn's are dying off. meh.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, WADE!

Which do you prefer roses or carnations? And why?

I hate both, truth be told. If I had to choose the lesser of two evils, I wouldn't even know where to begin. Cream-colored roses I suppose. I'm not sure why I hate these two flowers, maybe because roses are over-used as gifts from well-meaning men who believe roses are the standard flower to send? Carnations I don't like because hmmm. Their shape and smell and pretty much everything about them I find bothersome. Maybe it is from over-exposure to seeing them on wedding tables. I've been to at least 70 weddings in my life. Large Portuguese family.

I love: lilacs, daisies, daffodils, tiger lilies, marigolds, dandelions, baby's breath, orchids, irises, pansies, and forget-me-nots.

I have a penchant for wildflowers over "domesticated". They are simpler in some ways and beautiful in the wild sort of way.

Counter-question: If you could raise a certain animal on the farm, and your choice was limitless, what would you raise? Why?

Been having strange dreams lately and waking up feeling more exhausted than when I first went to sleep. Could be the season but could be something else. Meh. We'll see.

Working on other stuff for this page but keep finding myself distracted by other projects. I have a whole week off this week so maybe I can do something then. Want to spend most of the day with the kids though, not on this damn contraption. But in the evenings, creatively speaking, I'm pretty drained and end up either playing NWN or reading Calvin & Hobbes books util I fall asleep. Time waster? You bet.

I tried to give SH & JH my congratulations but they were already gone to their nuptials by the time I actually got a minute to do so. Hopefully the message was passed on. I absolutely hate the phone I mean I'm really terrible at the whole phone thing unless it's someone I know. Which I suppose is why I think it's a scream that they have me answering it all day at work now (on top of doing the logistics gig. I am MULTITASKER).

Keep forgetting to get photos developed. Curse of mine I suppose. I have loads of film and keep putting it off or forgetting so I end up spending a kajillion dollars to develop em all at once. Nice thing though is it is like a treasure hunt; I never know what I'm going to find when I open that envelope!

Ok time to go do something (counter)productive. My parents have the kids for a while today. They miss the gaffers or somesuch.

Munkybook!

Today was pretty hectic at work. I also kept thinking it was Friday and was depressed when I kept remembering, no, it's actually Thursday. I hate when that happens. Also, I slept in a little which always puts my day off, even if only slept in for a few minutes. It may be an early night tonight.

I really love this bows song. It's dreamy.

Had S over for supper tonight, which would have been nice had I not had two very active little monkeys doing their best to show off for her. Crying and fussing and tantrums, oh my. But the food was good. Yay! Did get to talk to her some when SO came home and took over the kids for a while. Much as I bitch about him sometimes, he's good to me and gives me space when I need it. Couldn't ask for a better man.

I think I'm going to go lie down a while. Which will likely end up in me reading Calvin & Hobbes books until it's way late and cursing under my breath again for not going to sleep at a decent hour. Can't help it; the heat sets off my insomnia worse than usual. Meh.

Countdown to birthday: 24 days. And little K will be three in 18 days. Woo!

Took the kids over to my inlaws to see the city fireworks from their backyard. They live ridiculously close to the SERC site where they go off and coincidentally just around the corner from us. So we all walked over and sat in their backyard and ate watermelon and flashed sparklers.

When the fireworks went off finally the kids were riveted the entire time. Every once in a while K would shout "Look! Mum! Sparklings!" which made my heart smile. I love fireworks and I'm glad all the noise doesn't scare my kids.

The stars were up and out on full display last night as well; as soon as darkness fell, the kids found one and wished. I think they wished on every star they saw. It's so sweet, C will whisper her wishes to the stars but if you ask her about them she says she cannot tell you because if she did they would never come true.

C really surprised me yesterday; her room has been a horrid mess lately. Well when I came home yesterday she told me she'd cleaned it all by herself, one step at a time. I went up and sure enough it was spotless. She asked me if I was still mad at her, which confused me a little because I don't recall yelling or doing anything that would suggest that I was mad. I told her of course I wasn't, don't be silly, I was proud of her and then I tickled her until she was a heap of giggles on the floor.

She's really becoming an excellent artist. She was showing me pictures she'd drawn yesterday while I was at work and I was blown away. For five years old she is very meticulous and pays a lot of attention to little details. Like father like daughter, I s'pose.

Whoops, forgot to pack a lunch for work. Later, folks.

Oh yeah baby you *know* I'm applying for these

My mom is being weird, I don't know what to do with her. She is worrying me a lot because there is something not quite right and I can't put my finger on it. Maybe it's post-op strangeness but I don't know; she was like this before the op too. :
My friends JH & SH are getting married this weekend and initially I was supposed to go but with the whole mom thing I declined. Which is heartbreaking because I really wanted to go! Damnit.

I've been playing with my dot com again, which has been interesting to say the least. Gives me a reason to fool around in Photoshop & Paintshop too. hee.

Happy Birthday, Canada. I go work now.