Interesting thing: all my mom asked for for Christmas was GNR's greatest hits.

Nothing says Christmas like "Welcome to the Jungle" blasting on the stereo.

My mom is so awesome sometimes. Anybody who knows her, knows how ridiculous it seems to know that she loves loves LOVES that band. LOVES THEM. She is the lady who has a house like a museum: cold and perfect. You actually expect the little velvet ropes to go across a couple of the rooms: LOOK BUT DO NOT TOUCH.

She also got drunk on Christmas Eve when we were over which was really uncharacteristic of her and also really really funny. Dad and I put together the meal and it was fabulous and she kept saying how grateful she was that we did it while she was at work - she fully expected to have to cook when she got home.

We got my Dad season five of "Sanford and Son" which we watched that night as well. I love that show.

The animal lovers of my readership will now gasp with horror when I say that I got a fur coat from my parents for Christmas. It is rabbit and it is warm. My mom said she was sick of looking at my old coat (which I've been wearing every winter since before I got pregnant with C, and she's six) and knew I'd never get a new one so they went ahead and bought it. No refunds or exchange. They also got me Pampered Chef stoneware which is perfect as I need new pans. (I initially wrote that as pants. Gotta love Freud.)

SO got me Lancome's "Attraction" and gift certs for the Scrapbook Centre and Lindor Chocolates (God I love those) and all sorts of cool things. He got me the cutest little case of bobby pins - thoughtful, thoughtful boy.

C made me a room freshener out of an apple, cinnamon, and something else. It was really cute.

K said he didn't make me anything but had a sekrit for me. When he got up to my ear he yelled "I LOVE YOU TEN THOUSAND MILLION DOLLARS!" and then gave me a zerbert (raspberry) on the ear.

My in-laws went overboard AS USUAL and got me all kinds of things I didn't really need but my fatherinlaw did put his foot in at some point and also got me a gift cert for the scrapbook store. Motherinlaw got me an electric can opener? WTH? I have one in my cupboard. There is a reason I don't have it out and in use. I don't need one. I've never wanted one. "It saves time" she says. Listen sister I've actually timed it and it's faster to use the handheld. Plus, the hand one I have from L is awesome it doesn't leave a sharp edge or anything, just unseals the can lid! Most of the modern appliances we use don't actually save us any time. Ask any housewife or cleaner and they will tell you so. You still spend all damn day doing things.

I asked SO why she keeps doing that and he says she doesn't think about what I need or want unless I put a specific list in front of her, otherwise she just buys things for the sake of buying them. I hate giving people lists of my desires/needs/etc and refuse to do it. (This stems from a very long story that I will not go into now.) He says that's part of why Christmas has lost its appeal to him - she has turned it into this big thing where it isn't about thinking and planning what to get for people that you might think they'd like - it is about getting a list and "why didn't you get me suchandsuch" and it's really annoying. I have to agree with him.

So yeah. Dec 17 was the Sousa Christmas, Dec 24 was C. Eve @ my parents', Dec 25 we opened our own little gifts in the morning, and the afternoon was at SO's parents. The fatherinlaw's one was on Dec 27th. You folks counting this madness? FIVE.

There are days when the really selfish part of me wishes we lived far, far away so that these holidays would be simplified to just the four of us. Except I'd miss my family but I am being completely honest here when I say my best Christmases were the ones spent in Quebec, because it was just me mom dad and my brother and it was so peaceful and wonderful I cannot even describe it.

I'm reading back on all I've just typed and I really sound like a miserable cur. I also feel bad and selfish especially when putting it against something as terrible as what has been going on in Indonesia et al.

I am really a good person. Really. I am.

Oh no!

My brother is going to be so, so depressed. Law & Order was his favorite.

I love reading stuff like this.

I wrote this last year in my e2 journal and it still applies now...

I think about the story of the birth of Jesus and I think if I were Mary, I would have been incredibly scared right about this time that year. How heavy is that, to have an angel come down and let you know you're about to bring forth the saviour? I cannot even begin to fathom it. I was terrified to bring my own regular, everyday sort of children into this world. And then I also think about the first time I laid eyes on those babes of mine, and how absolutely perfect that moment was, and I remember crying, and I bet you Mary cried too. Because savior or not, he was her son and he was a brand new baby and he needed her like no other.


My kids are still snuggled up in bed, for once I am the first person up for Christmas. I've spent the last hour looking at the tree and near-tears in thankfulness that I have what I have. I keep thinking about my parents and how they spent many a childhood Christmas in poverty, wondering where their next meal came from. The St. Vincent de Paul society truly was their saviour at this time of year, which is why we always adopt a family from the giving tree and get them things they'd need for Christmas. It really bothered me to see so much food thrown away last weekend at the Sousa gathering... I felt like inviting in 10 homeless people and telling them to eat their fill. If I'd known where to drum them up, I would have.

There are presents under the tree, food in the fridge, heat and electricity, and healthy happy souls in this house. I am more grateful than words can say.

may peace bless you all.

Hope everyone has a safe and happy holiday. Bless you all.



Here's hoping next year was better than the last.

I go in for some surgery on the 21st of January. Say good-bye to another body part.

The surgeon's results from the tests yielded that my gall bladder is only working at a 20% efficiency - which would be perfectly normal if I were, like, 95 years old. But because I am barely thirty it means problems. So she is yanking it out and the end result will be some pretty nifty little scars all over the damn place. But it won't hurt me as much to eat anymore so hooray!

My Novi boss is going to have KITTENS when he finds out, which he won't until the 3rd because he's off on vacation since the 17th (which I didn't even KNOW until I sent him the explanatory email). My local boss is all for anything that will make me happy so hooray for that too!

Local boss took me & a few others out for lunch yesterday, it was hella good and I had a good time laughing and stuff. I was gone for 2 hours and for once I didn't give a damn I just sat there enjoying my lunch and good company.

Interesting thing was we were all talking about food of course and it has been discovered that both the nice boss and I have equal disliking of the following foods, for the exact same reasons (texture mostly): olives, cherries, and mushrooms.

It was really bizarre because most people I tell about not liking those things because of the texture always give me a funny look like I'm crazy or something.

Anyway, he gave us all a bottle of Bailey's... woo! And a home-made card which was really really nice. It had a picture of his kids in it too it was very cute.

Novi boss, did not give me so much as a thank you for all the work I have put in for the year. PHooey on him.

Ok gotta go it is snowpounding like mad and I need to get to work at a decent time today

Be safe, all

KRIMMIS IS COMING SOON!!!! My kids are very very excited because there are only a handful of chocolates left in their calendars, and if you count there are only TWO little loops left before the Shooting Star of Christmasosity! (translate: K's class made a chain of loops to count the days until Christmas, every night we cut off a loop. The star at the top is the 25th.)

THE BEST MALL SANTA EVAR:


image hosting courtesy of image shack because i suck and don't have my own damn server

And yes, that's Nancy Reagan on his lap.

ok time to go to work.

Showed up a little late on Fri. night to the company party because of the mad cleaning spree I'd indulged in the past couple days. Still I showed up and I must say I clean up real nice ;) Surprised the hell out of my mom & dad (Dad works for the same company in a different building) who fully expected me to wear something completely inappropriate. ANyway, I even won a door prize! Woo! Also collected my 5 yrs service award (nobody seems to count the previous 3 yrs to that five... bah) and had a very good meal and good time had by all. Still I missed SO (who had to work till late so could not come), especially when dancing.

Saturday was a good day. Except when mom came over first thing in the morning as I'd expected her to, and said "now don't take this as an insult, but" (and you know, any time she says that, it IS an insult,) "but what were you doing the past few days? This house is ridiculous" and then goes about RE-doing all that I'd done. I told her straight out "you may as well have slapped me in the face". So the minute she left at 10:30 am I cracked into a bottle of wine. Yes. I needed strength, because her whole family was coming over.

The turkey was SUPERB and everybody loved it and I am crowing like mad over that because I've never cooked a turkey in my whole entire life. It was tender and moist and everything a turkey should be.

Everybody seemed to be having a good time and for the first time since my grandfather died it felt ok and good and not tense at all. Maybe I was just too busy to notice... but I don't think so.

I was exhausted by the time they all left and run off my feet but ended up staying late talking with SO anyway. He'd been drinking pretty heavily so he did a lot more of the talking and I the listening and we laughed a lot but there were also a lot of things said that he doesn't usually tell me. It was nice.

Ok on to the quiz:




You're Beth March of Little Women by Louisa May
Alcott!


Which Classic Female Literary Character Are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

What is your favorite food? Describe what it tastes like to you.

Boy do I ever want this shirt. hahahaha.

I am taking a break from cleaning my whole damn house because i'm exhausted and have been working on this for 2 days now. I have put about 5 boxes of toys in the garage to take to the Salvation Army later - remind me to kill my family the next time they suggest that my kids have nothing to play with because that is bupkus.

I'm tired and tonight I have to go to the company xmas party not because I want to but because I have to present some damn award, SO can't go because he has to work, and I am frustrated because I have taken 3 days off and have not actually had a day to myself. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. Did I mention, fuck?

Ok back to the grindstone I go.

yeah. so i have today tomorrow and friday off. WOO!



1. What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before?
Installed hardwood laminate flooring

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I haven't made a new year's resolution in literally YEARS.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Nope

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Yes, several :(

5. What countries did you visit?
None, I suck

6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004?
A job that isn't slowly killing me.

7. What date from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
april 13, the day frenchie died.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Managing to not punch my daughter's teacher in the teeth while she smiled sweetly at me and told me that my child who is reading at a level higher than the grade 2's in her class (she is in grade one, in a split class) only got a b-, almost c, in reading, because "she wanted celeste to feel like she needs to be challenged to get a higher mark"

Ok honestly I guess my biggest achievement was helping to raise $3,000.00 for a little girl with an inoperable tumor, or maybe volunteering for the Walk for MS and being appointed Team Ambassador for the MS society for my area, or taking the time to show my kids what dawn looks like, or maybe it was just smiling at people who looked like they needed it, or helping to raise $10,000.00 for the heart & stroke foundation, or setting up a bingo at easter and using the funds raised to purchase spring coats to donate to the house of blessing, or the ten thousand other little things I do to try and atone for all the bad things I've ever done.

9. What was your biggest failure?
See number 8 haha. My biggest failure was putting up with a job I hate just because I've grown comfortable with the paycheck.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Whoa nelly I sure did.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
My mind drew a blank, because I have no clue how to answer this. People keep track of their purchases?

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My family for reasons I shall not divulge.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
My boss's, when he reacted so poorly to my asking for a day off so I could go to the funeral of a friend who died on the job at my workplace, whom I have known for years, and was probably one of the nicest people on earth.

14. Where did most of your money go?
bills, kids' needs, food

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Tons of things, I like the little things remember? Just read my freaking journal.

16. What song will always remind you of 2004?
Any song that sticks out in my mind wasn't actually released in 2004, does that invalidate it?

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? depends on the day, I guess
ii. thinner or fatter? thinner
iii. richer or poorer? comfortable.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
actual rest on my vacation days

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
complaining about my job when there are people out there who are homeless and would kill for my job.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
half-drunk, stuffing a turkey, cursing my family but somehow loving it. listening to elvis croon out "blue christmas" while my father sings along.

22. Did you fall in love in 2004?
i was already in love, does that count

23. How many one-night stands?
none

24. What was your favorite TV program?
TV is the devil!

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Uh, I don't focus on hating people. So no.

26. What was the best book you read?
This year? Probably Alice Sebold's "The Lovely Bones"... Nothing else is coming to mind, but keep in mind I consume a LOT of books in a year...

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
None are creeping up.

28. What did you want and get?
I wanted more RAM and got some for my birthday (yes I'm a nerd shut up)

29. What did you want and not get?
A trip to Scotland. Damnit.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Oh Christ. I always get that all mixed up, I watch too many movies and can't remember when.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was 28 and I didn't do much, just dinner w/family. It was pretty laid-back this year. I do have a disaster story or two but those will keep for another time.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Losing the customs end of my job and not having to watch another family member die of cancer.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004?
Comfortable and clean.

34. What kept you sane?
The same people that drove me nuts, kept me sane. Family of course.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Bill Murray! haha. I don't know. What's the point in a question like this? What am I, twelve?

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
What political issue *didn't* stir me? I don't like discussing politics.

37. Who did you miss?
Lots of people. Possibly even YOU!

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Probably Trevor because he is incredibly funny and always easy to work with.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004:
Do not take those you love for granted. Tell them you love them constantly. Constantly.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
More than this - there is nothing
More than this - tell me one thing
More than this - there is nothing

This is probably the saddest thing I've read all week.

(Don't bother linking to things that are much sadder. It is probably on purpose that I don't read too many sad things. Dig?)

it's pretty funny when your six-year-old daughter tells you to "rock on, mom".

it's my brother's birthday today! he is 27 years old.

do you have a holiday ritual/tradition? what makes it special to you?

edited to add word "tradition", which is what i really meant, thanks knifegirl

so today was crazy and busy but: the highlight was when 4 very fine gentlemen dressed to the nines came in from the fire dept. for the yearly inspection. dayum, son. i love a man in uniform.

i have never read the catcher in the rye.

...that eating sugar can cure hiccups?

IT IS TRUE

Also I have my HIDA scan today.

Then I get to go to work and catch up from the morning.

Tonight we are going out to celebrate my brother's birthday, which is actually on the 11th but he'll be off doing something with his friends or somesuch.

It's really weird to think of my baby brother as 27 this year.

It's also sad that Dimebag died.

Ok better go

do you have a song that, when you hear it playing on the radio, immediately makes you crank up the volume and think "yeah! i LOVE this song!"? what song is it? (i have multiple answers to this one, so i'm pretty sure others do too. just pick one.)

My therapist said not to see you no more
She said you're like a disease without any cure
She said I'm so obsessed that I'm becoming a bore, oh no

We had our first real snowfall on the first day of December. Little noses pressed against the glass and gleeful "SNOW SNOW SNOW MOMMMMMMM SNOWWWWWW!" was all I heard when the kids got up and then a squeal of "SANTA IS COMING SOON KNOW HOW I KNOW HUH HUH BECAUSE THE CHOCOLATE. CALENDARS. HAVE. STARTED!" and stomps with every word to emphasize.

There is something about the first snowfall that always tugs at my heart and makes me long to be a kid again. Before all the crap started and before I lost the magic of being that free.

My throat is still raw from the esophagal scope (that tube that looked like a vacuum hose from hell was apparently a tight fit... urk) but at least the sigmoid didn't leave me feeling too tender. Waking up from the nice little coma they put me into before doing any REAL testing, my first thought was, "so this must be how alien abductees feel". Honest to pete. Stuff oozing out of places it should never ooze out of and the feeling like "OMGWTF" and "where are my pants???"

The surgeon was nice enough to tell me they found no Chrohn's (however you spell that) so that is a bit of a "phew!" but they took a buncha biopses and we'll see how that goes. Next step: "HIDA Scan", which is less ominous than it sounds, promise. No weird preparing for that one at least, just a fasting.

Then on the 21st I will finally know if all that bullshit they have put me through turned anything up. If not... I don't really know what's next.

This is probably one of the longer posts I've made in some time. I just can't bring myself to write it all down and I feel no joy and I feel nothing. Nothing. I keep asking public questions to snap myself into feeling something vicariously through others. I don't really have a reason to be this way. Maybe it's just the season or maybe I'm just tired. I don't know.

Ok time to get the munchkins up and get ourselves to work/school/babysitters.

Ta.

G

Lots of things have been happening at casa de me. I've been incredibly busy but at the same time insanely un-busy. I can't explain.

Put the tree up this past weekend, the kids did a marvellous job decorating it. They were really meticulous about the whole process and would have consultations on each and every ornament placed. It was quite silly and cute and wonderful all at once.

I'm too tired to talk about much more but the one thing I wanted to mention was I had a really weird dream in which I developed a sim game based around politics. You could work on a world level or stick to one country and you had to put it through this entire political thing and it's hard to explain but it seemed really cool at the time.

Ok time for bed I think.