I can't believe Christmas is almost here. It's shocking.

I talked to my cousin JP tonight for a bit over msn and gave her a livejournal code, let's see if she'll actually use the thing.

I have a heavy sense of meloncholy coming upon me. I don't know what to do with it. I could set it aside but it just makes it worse later. Holiday blues? I don't know. I just get this way sometimes. I feel older so much older than I am and it seeps into my bones and cracks them and I feel broken, washed up against the rocks




It's an effort to get out of bed in the morning



I don't know why


I find myself being irritable with the people I love, and I want to tell them I don't mean to be, and I want to explain to them why, but it's hard to do when you yourself don't know the right words...






I'm tired.

So get this, William Fucking Shatner was in my home town a few days back. Nobody I knew knew about this until they read it in the paper! Front page!

Meh, it's no worse than when the Prime Minister showed up for the inauguration of our new theatre.

Yay it is Sunday!

I need coffee. Want some? Great! While you're up, get me some too!

HOLY CATS THERE IS ONLY TEN DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS! ADAPT PANIC MODE...>NOW!

I had a fucked up dream again.

This one involved my getting suckered into helping my friends at a sorority/frat mixer. It was really bizarre and everyone was dressed to the nines in ballgowns and tuxedos. So we were lined up like cattle and this guy they paired me up with was asking me all sorts of personal questions and then i smacked him upside the head with my tiara. Then he tried to kiss me so I stomped on his foot. Then this girl named J (someone I went to college with and have not seen since) was in her house and I was there helping her decorate. She was wearing a wedding dress but wasn't getting married. She just liked the dress. These 4 big trunks showed up and we opened them up and had a 10 minute argument over whether the stuff came from Spain or Portugal. Then this fellow with a deep voice stopped the argument with a big booming "PORTUGALE". He told her she *had* to come with him now, pack up everything she would need. She was losing her identity here, it was a matter of extreme importance that she come with him now. She said "Won't people miss me?" He said, "Not for long." Then a lookalike came in and lay down on a chaise lounge. They rubbed the real J down with some sort of soapy substance and me too. Then two big black bears came in and ate the lookalike alive! We hurried with the packing and got into a van and took off for the airport.

I don't remember the rest.

So yeah. I'm tired.

I was gonna go out last night but decided "Hey! I haven't slept in two days, I bet that would be a better idea" so I conked right out.

Had fucked up dreams involving recipes for items to save someone's soul, it had something to do with cinammon hearts and bong screens, it was very bizarre. And I was talking to some chick who totally hated me, and her boyfriend was there and he was defending me and I ended up eating some of the ingredients to save the person, I think I ate some moss and a piece of black licorice. Then SO woke me up because the alarm had gone off and I was mumbling about something being my favorite.

Clearly I should sleep at regular intervals to avoid such dreaming.

Ok I go to work now. We managed to raise $250 to buy presents for needy kids. I decided we should buy stuff for the older kids this year because the little ones are always getting donations but the older ones get the shaft. So at lunch today I go do that.

My driver's license is up for expiry soon, ACK

Reminder to self: renew that sucka

Ok I really go now.



NO......NOW.



Now?



...

stupid jimmy neutron version of parents don't understand. grr.

i've been up since yesterday, woo! my son decided he wanted to sleep poorly, but not without making sure i didn't get *any* sleep! fuuuuuuuuuuuck.

i keep thinking to myself that the holiday is coming soon and i can relax. which is bullshit because like everyone else i will be stressing myself out visiting relatives or hosting them.

k bye

A bajillion things have happened!

So yeah. I bought a computer for all by myselfness.

Also!

C had her first school concert on monday, they sang "Away in a Manger". It was great although a little weird too, my parents attended and said they found it so strange to think their *granddaughter* was up there...

I've been hella busy with work type crap, that whole year end thing. I haven't disappeared I'm just holed up in my box in front of a box doing the work thing. And when I'm not I'm doing the family thing. Gah.

Today was the core christmas lunch type thing for our company and I had to MC the thing. Which was fine but I got a lot of comments like "wow you are really brave". Well of course I am, since I don't care a damn about 90% of the people's opinions, least of all their opinions about me.

I don't really know what else I was going to say. I'm tired and I want milk.

I LOVE YOU ALL. Yes even you.

One thing that always always always makes me think of family Christmases is the Elvis Christmas album. My father is a big Elvis fan and every year at Christmas dinner, no matter if we were with all the family or just the four of us, we would be listening to this album. It is so infused that my response is almost Pavlovian to it. Blue Christmas plays, and I immediately need to surround myself with decorations and kick back with a glass of wine, staring peacefully at the tree.

Is there anything prettier than Christmas trees? The colored mirrored ornaments reflecting the tiny twinkling lights. Turn out all the lights and just stare. My throat tightens up sometimes looking at it and thinking of all the Christmases both good and bad, how far I have come and how far I have yet to go. I don't care about the presents, I just want that peaceful feeling that descends over me with the first blanket of snow on the ground. Air pluming out smoky breath outside and I fall into it and make angels. I taught my children to make angels this year. So when the snow is deep enough they'll fall into it and make some.

This year I've decided to host a Christmas brunch again, both sides of the family are coming over and that way we are cutting back on travel. I kid you not, last year we went to 5 different events within 7 days. That gets to be a lot for the little ones...

SO's parents' anniversary is coming up, it's their 25th wedding anniversary and his sister has managed to sway me to help her plan an event for them. I don't have any money and yet I've managed to shell out quite a bit for this. Hopefully I'll get reimbursed. But doubtful. It's supposed to happen on the 6th and be a surprise. Gooooood luck@!

The only thing I hate about snow is shovelling it out of the driveway. Which is exactly what I plan to do now. Ta.

Which Diesel Sweeties Character Are You?

YAY! I heart dieselsweeties!


Today is another holiday in the US? Is it? Isn't it? My boss tells me yes, but I think he's full of it.

hahaah that song always cracks me up!

emode.com tells me:

G, you're Smart 'n' Sexy

Your intellect puts you in a class above the rest, and it creates a sexual aura that's untouchable by people who possess nothing more than a pretty face. You have people and intellectual smarts and are able to juggle them accordingly. Your sense of the world at large and your world around you draws people to your mind, and what a beautiful mind it is.

Whether you look the part in horn-rimmed glasses and a finely pressed suit or dress simply in a T-shirt and jeans, your style really takes off when you flaunt your intellectual prowess. You're probably happier volunteering for a good cause, like tutoring kids, than spending all night partying with friends — well, at least some of the time. You've read the classics, or at least know what they are, and get the greatest rush when you can fully connect with people — both mind and body. While you may have the looks as well, it's your brains that turn up the heat wherever you go.

the test

Volleyball tonight. WE ARE GONNA KICK SOME ASS! Or maybe just take names. What? We're still getting the hang of it. It's been literally *years* since we've played. But we are doing good! Shut up about our losing streak. It isn't our fault that all the other teams have been in the league for YEARS. *pout*

I feel giddy for some reason. Probably the lack of sleep. C kept waking up all night and when C is awake, everybody is awake. *sigh*

Ok time to go workies now

It's almost that time for me to get to work. The house is pretty quiet, minus the dull roar of the furnace and the high-strung hum of the computer. It's dark out; winter is here.

I can't keep my mind on things lately. I feel like I am folding in, my heart is hibernating to protect me from the cold chill headed my way.

I care too much I drink too much I sleep not enough I cry.

What the fuck. QUIT YER WHINING, MISS MOPEY!

Can I please go back to bed?

This is the way the world ends
this is the way the world ends
this is the way the world ends
not with a bang
but a whimper

take the nerd test.


and go to mewing.net. a nerd utopia.


HA! LIES!

So yesterday was supposed to be the release date of The Powerpuff Girls Movie. My daughter has been anticipating this date with overzealous salivary glands and muffled gigglings in my ear of "is it PPG yet mum?" And what do I discover? The release date has been MOVED to next week!

I diffused the bomb of disappointment by getting out a big calendar and silver marker and marking off the new date. Promises of using the shiny marker to X off each day until release date resulted in happy smiles and big hugs from the now only *slightly* disappointed poppet.

In any case, I've come to the conclusion that people who move release dates should be kicked in the nads.

Tell me this, my friends down south. How come I only had to do FIVE customs papers when normally I do TWO HUNDRED AND FIVE.

I have been humbly corrected on the day off thing, but yet I still ponder, why oh why was work so damn slow today??? Was it just the Big 3 taking a sabbatical to loiter around voting booths?

So today is voting day or somesuch in the U.S., which makes my job rather boring today, as we won't be shipping anything to you good US citizens. You get the DAY OFF to VOTE. In Canada we just do it during our lunch break or whatever.

The snow is almost all melted away. Good riddance, says I. But it smells like more snow in the air so I know it is coming, it is inevitable.

SO is rather sick. He spent most of last night sick on the couch. Poor lad. My kids are feeling fine though. (phew)

Pointless trivia about me:

I have never watched: Casablanca, UHF, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, The Star Wars Christmas Special

I have never eaten: mango, kiwi, avocado (including derivatives, a la guacamole), blackberries

My legs are 3-1/2' long from hip to heel.

I do not like the texture of mushrooms, cherries, or olives.

I have suffered from insomnia on and off for almost my entire life.

I have myopia. I also have astigmatism.

I crave salty food before I crave sweets. I usually need a combination of the two.

My favorite sweathog is the big man himself, Mr. Kotter.

I used to watch The Flintstones religiously during my lunch hour as a kid. We'd come home for lunch and watch it while eating.

You'd never know it, but I was raised under a Roman Catholic roof.

In college, I would eat rice with ketchup when I got too broke for real groceries.

Who am I kidding? I put ketchup on everything.

Ok, maybe not everything.

I really like popsicles.

Ok I go work now. Byebyebyebye

I don't like me today.

I also feel achey from post-flushot blues. For Halloween K was a Pumpkin and C was a Powerpuff Girl (Bubbles, to be exact). It was cold and rainy and snowy and hailing. So we didn't go too far. Stupid weather.

It is about 5 inches of snow out right now, and still growing. Packing snow. Oh the joys.

Fuckety fuck fuck.