0
Posted by Slowplum
on
2/27/2002 08:29:00 AM
I can't shake off this feeling like my life is slowly unravelling before me and not in the pleasant way either. Debt depression doubt defection it's all in there
I'm soooo tired I haven't slept a wink
(I will send a hello kitty valentine to the first identifier of that song)
I am also finding it hard to write sincere journal entries. You know I keep reading these beautiful truths about people and thinking, "wow, you just totally opened yourself up like that, thank you" and wishing I could do the same. The funny thing about truth and sincerity is that it can be very exhausting. Typing/speaking whatever you have to put effort into getting out all the minutae of your life because one mis-step and it all crumbles and you are left with nothing but rambling and misunderstanding from the reader/listener.
So hmm where to start?
Too many avenues not enough travel time.
For those of you reading this that don't know, I am a mom. I have two children. I adore these children, they have become essentially my entire life. And I am beginning to see the danger in this, oh yes it is dangerous because in giving 100% of yourself to them you lose you.
So I have been looking at my options here. I could go on the way I am, living with my heart on my sleeve and working crazy hours on weekends and spending the rest of the week with my kids while my hubby works. He is on the afternoon shift. Which means we get little to no time together (another not so nice aspect of things). I keep working and living like I do not eating properly because I'm too busy cooking for the kids and feeding them and cleaning up afterward and by the time that's all done I am setting up crafts and projects and things. Worrying about bills bills bills. (But then again who doesn't?)
Or, I could find something, no matter how small, that is only mine. Even if only a few hours out of the week, it belongs only to me.
Pfft. Right. Good luck. Even if I did manage to do this, I would spend half that time feeling guilty about it and the other half thinking about the things I have to do when I am done doing whatever it is I am doing.
I love my family and I love being a mom but I am beginning to feel that in being a mom a wife a daughter a granddaughter I am forgetting to be just G. And that is tragedy indeed.
I'm soooo tired I haven't slept a wink
(I will send a hello kitty valentine to the first identifier of that song)
I am also finding it hard to write sincere journal entries. You know I keep reading these beautiful truths about people and thinking, "wow, you just totally opened yourself up like that, thank you" and wishing I could do the same. The funny thing about truth and sincerity is that it can be very exhausting. Typing/speaking whatever you have to put effort into getting out all the minutae of your life because one mis-step and it all crumbles and you are left with nothing but rambling and misunderstanding from the reader/listener.
So hmm where to start?
Too many avenues not enough travel time.
For those of you reading this that don't know, I am a mom. I have two children. I adore these children, they have become essentially my entire life. And I am beginning to see the danger in this, oh yes it is dangerous because in giving 100% of yourself to them you lose you.
So I have been looking at my options here. I could go on the way I am, living with my heart on my sleeve and working crazy hours on weekends and spending the rest of the week with my kids while my hubby works. He is on the afternoon shift. Which means we get little to no time together (another not so nice aspect of things). I keep working and living like I do not eating properly because I'm too busy cooking for the kids and feeding them and cleaning up afterward and by the time that's all done I am setting up crafts and projects and things. Worrying about bills bills bills. (But then again who doesn't?)
Or, I could find something, no matter how small, that is only mine. Even if only a few hours out of the week, it belongs only to me.
Pfft. Right. Good luck. Even if I did manage to do this, I would spend half that time feeling guilty about it and the other half thinking about the things I have to do when I am done doing whatever it is I am doing.
I love my family and I love being a mom but I am beginning to feel that in being a mom a wife a daughter a granddaughter I am forgetting to be just G. And that is tragedy indeed.