My kids' jackopumpkins look like strongsad and marzipan. RULE!

Must get film for camera.

Last night I should have gone in for overtime because yet again assignments are piling up, but SO wanted to go visit JG in the hospital so off he went. *shrug*

If the plant controller thinks I'll get the B.T.E. receiving mess fixed by Friday, he is seriously demented.

I have to do mega overtime tonight, *sigh* so that means I will get little time to catch up on my reading for class tomorrow. I also get my mid-term back tomorrow, I'm a little nervous about that...

Halloween is quickly approaching, and I have never felt so blase about it in my life. I don't know what's wrong, seriously. Halloween is my most favorite of holidays, and this year I could care less about it... :
I have a doctor's appointment today, which I should go to, but I'm waffling about, because going means taking an hour out of my workday, and in that hour I am guaranteed to have a bajillion things happen, so that the rest of my day when I return will be a complete write-off because I will spend most of it trying to catch up with myself.

But I should go. That whole face-is-still-sorta-numb thing should be looked at.

joyquality, i am sending out your lollipops this friday.

In other news, is this crazy or what? (Link yoinked from a recent jaubertmoniker entry.) I bet end-times prophets are just having a hay-day over it. "Oooh, the sun is burping, the end days are near!"

I have been thinking a lot more about my grandfather lately. My dad's dad. I don't know why... I just keep thinking about the time my Dad said he wanted to hire two coimbra guitarists and get them and my grandfather to perform, and tape it so that he had something to remember him by... and how... shortly after that, came the cancer diagnosis. So it never happened.

Regret is such a hard thing to deal with sometimes.

So last night SO told me his friend was JG hospitalized yesterday, apparently he woke up and couldn't breathe, so his wife took him up to emerg, and guess what? Collapsed lung. Oi. :
That's the thing with him working where he works, they inhale a lot of steel dust which wreaks havoc on their breathing... this is the 2nd person in a few months to be hospitalized for that reason. *sigh*

I still have no idea what I will dress up as on Halloween for work. Hmmm. I may just cop out and do the vamp thing...

My LiveJournal Trick-or-Treat Haul
(name withheld) goes trick-or-treating, dressed up as teen angst.
chrystalm gives you 10 red cinnamon-flavoured jelly beans.
cutiestar tricks you! You lose 2 pieces of candy!
ducky537 gives you 17 purple coffee-flavoured jelly beans.
hemos tricks you! You lose 22 pieces of candy!
kg4yef tricks you! You lose 1 pieces of candy!
moonflower123 tricks you! You lose 1 pieces of candy!
oh_chris gives you 5 red-orange blueberry-flavoured gummy bears.
orangejulius gives you 11 brown passionfruit-flavoured miniature candy bars.
quizro gives you 13 green pineapple-flavoured gumdrops.
radlab0 gives you 14 yellow lime-flavoured wafers.
graceness ends up with 44 pieces of candy.
Go trick-or-treating! Username:
Another fun meme brought to you by rfreebern.

wish i could pick em all. may have to do this several times to see varied results. now i know who the tricksy ones are! aha!

So I still can't feel the left side of my lips. I suppose I should worry, but meh. Likely just afteraffects of the hideous migraine from yesterday. I went in to work today to work on things I'd neglected yesterday since I got sent home and all. People showed up and kept asking me what the hell was I doing there. Uhm, it's called integrity. I said I'd return to finish off some loose ends and by damn, I kept my word. Numb face aside. A guy from Auburn was in today as well because they are moving some of our network thingerdos to that facility. He was very concerned. He knows one of my bosses who works out of Novi, so maybe it will get back to him that I am the oh-so-dedicated worker that he doesn't seem to think I am. Because I am. To an almost blind stupidity.

SO thinks I should go off on stress leave. Hell with that. Can't afford to.

Right now he is watching Bulletproof Monk. AGAIN. I made him a big tray of salsa dip consisting of sour cream, diced tomatoes, diced onion, hot salsa, and shredded mild cheddar on top. He is happily munching on tostitos and that dip stuff. Didn't bother with a formal dinner. Got to love Saturdays. C and K requested the oh-so-posh Pokemon version of "zoodles" for dinner. Who am I to argue? I forget what I ate for supper. I can't recall if I even ate. Hmm. That could be bad.

Mum driving me crazy already. Gave me a lecture on taking better care of myself, because if I don't my entire self will just fall apart, little by little. Right, because I can't possibly know all these things already.

I had initially had November 28 booked off, but it looks like that got nixed by the boss in Novi because "it's a holiday in the US, so nobody will be around to cover it, can you reschedule?" ARGH! Ok, so I'll re-schedule, but the whole point in my taking that day off is because it's the day after my final exam and I wanted a day of relaxation. Fuuuuck.

I feel like writing something but I can't motivate myself to do it coherently. Hrmmmm.

Maybe I should go to bed.

migraine from hell today. complete loss of vision. ended up getting driven from work to hospital where they pumped me full of meds and sent me home. mum picked the kids up, lovely lovely mum. thank god for mothers (tomorrow i will go back to "my mom drives me crazy").

slept for several hours today and now i am wide awake. 1:32 am as i type this. gah.

i have to go to work tomorrow to make up for the work i didn't do today. hurrah!

gonna go try that sleep thing now. nightnight.


My little girl
Drive anywhere
Do what you want
I don't care

Tonight
I'm in the hands of fate
I hand myself
Over on a plate

Now

Oh little girl
There are times when I feel
I'd rather not be
The one behind the wheel

Come
Pull my strings
Watch me move
I'll do anything

Please

Sweet little girl
I prefer
You behind the wheel
And me the passenger

Drive
I'm yours to keep
Do what you want
I'm going cheap

Tonight

You're behind the wheel, tonight

Gleened from my.yahoo.com's daily tips on healthy living:

Chase away the chills with hot tea and you might lower your cholesterol.

In a study of black tea, people who combined a moderately low-fat diet with frequent tea consumption lowered their LDL (bad) cholesterol as much as 8 percent more than people who followed only the diet portion of the cholesterol-lowering plan. Tea also is a rich source of heart-healthy flavoniods.

So yesterday I took a mental health day and skipped class. I have my reading caught up and know someone who will give me notes so I feel NO guilt whatsoever. I ended up messing about with the kids for a while, then I went over to my mom's and we went for a walk, then I helped her get her costume together for a presentation she has to make at work. They are all dressing up as Seuss characters so she is dressing up as the nook with the book on a hook (if you can tell me the reference I will give you a lollipop).

The walking part, while painful (remember: broken toe) was also refreshing and helped me pound out some of the frustration I've been having at work. It was also nice because it is like walking down a road to reparation between my mother and I. We never really talked when I was younger, and now with 45 minutes of walking you can't expect to be silent the whole time, so things are coming out and being discussed and for once she's actually hearing what I have to say. Mainly because she isn't distracted with her "womanly duties" like she is when I try to talk to her when she's at home.

Last night's conversation was about my grandfathers. It's sad that they are both gone now, and I still think about my father's father almost every day. I almost never think of my mother's father but when I do it is mostly anger.

Neither of them were saints but my mother's father was especially bad. And I felt cheated out of a grandfather because I happened to have one who was an abusive alcoholic womanizer who did not give a fuck about his family. I never went to his funeral, a thing I do not regret in the least. I refused to pay my respects to someone who never cared for me. And I refused to watch the hypocrasy that was rampant on that day.

My father's father, while having his own foibles, at the very least I can say he loved me, he loved all us grandkids, and he was around, and he was so... full of life. He had a prescence that just filled the room when he was there. And this big booming laugh. And I remember the last time I saw him, in the hospital, he seemed so small and scared, and I had never seen him like that before. It tore me to pieces and made me feel a thousand things that I cannot articulate right now. I showed him my newborn daughter on that day, at least I can say that he was alive to see his first great-grandchild. I miss him. I can't even begin to say how much.

I didn't mean for this post to turn out meloncholy. I think my mind is trying to do some spring cleaning of sorts (yes yes I know it is autumn shut up).

I have more to say but it is time to get the kids to the babysitter and for me to go to work.

Have a lovely day, folks

http://www.enchantedlearning.com/crafts/halloween/

I pity the foo!

Ever get that feeling. WHere you have a ton of things to say, but you are so very tired, and achey, and you've been crying on and off all day (a difficult thing to accomplish when your workplace is a very public one and you don't have much access to escape). Yeah. I feel like that today.

I almost quit my job today, almost. There are a lot of things going on but I'm too tired to talk about it and nobody gives too much of a rat's ass about it anyway, bla di bla yeah I know waaa waaaa what a pity right?

I'm also very close to telling someone off but I haven't quite reached my plateau of anger. Yeah.

You know what I love about journals? I can write whatever the fuck I want because hey, it's my journal. Nobody is making you read this mess. Nyah nyah.

Phillipe is the bestest ever.

They layed off a few people at work yesterday, therefore today everyone was in panic mode and scurrying around like bees. This would be fine except it seems to have increased my workload 300 per cent.

I was supposed to go for a walk with mom (yes on a broken toe, shut up) tonight but I flaked off because I was too busy feeling sorry for myself. Aren't I a peach?

Me me me me me me me. Me me.

I deserve to be this way sometimes. I get so tired of listening to and caring about other people's crap and getting no return. I tried to articulate how I was feeling today at work and out of five people, only one person understood and actually listened. The other four waited patiently for a break in conversation and I could see from their face they were looking for some way to relate whatever I was saying back to themselves so they could talk about their stuff again. I really hate that. Don't listen if you don't care. Cripes.

I'm also coming to a point in my life where I am finally tired of saying "sure" when I mean "no". What I mean is, I am tired of giving and giving and giving of myself without taking, because fuck that man. What am I teaching my kids by being this way? That it's ok to be a doormat? To do everything for everyone in order to keep the peace? I don't fucking think so. Enough is enough. I miss me. Time to bring her back.

Oh, for pete's sake, people please stop dying already

happy anniversary to me...

SO got me a new desk chair which pleased me muchly, but made me feel bad because all i could afford was a sketch pad and some new sketching pencil set... :\

I keep thinking about things that I need to change to make me feel better about me.

The problem is, in the end, a lot of people are going to be hurt. Well that isn't the true problem. The true problem is, I am caring less and less about whether it will hurt them or not.

p.s. this has nothing to do with family or anything so don't go jumping to conclusions.