So I applied for a business management course today. I've already signed up for Organizational Behavior and Introductory Financial Accounting I class. I start on the 17th. Yes I'm crazy. Shush.

I figure, I'm so bossy anyway, I may as well get paid to do it. Ha!

how much i love johnny cash's version of personal jesus?





i will deliver you know i'm a forgiver

Today was K's first day of Senior Kindergarten. He was quite miserable though because his molars are coming in and he wanted to bring his blanket and teddy bear and I said no, Mr. Bear has to stay home and keep me company while he's at school. He seemed to be okay with that.

He was also ultra-excited to show his Spongebob Squarepants backpack off to his teacher. His teacher is an absolute gem and I loved her when she taught C in SK so I know what to expect.

I had more to say but one, I have a nasty hangnail on one of my fingers which is making it difficult to type, and two, I have a bit of a headache probably due to lack of sleep. I haven't slept much the past two nights for some odd reason. Probably the change in season bringing it about, but definitely not a habit to be forming.

I might go to the library later today, I might not. This having time to just myself without being sick or otherwise engaged is taking some getting used to.

I haven't said much with regards to the tragedies occuring in the south because it's all been said before, and I really hate the futile feeling I get. I can't donate blood to red cross because they won't take it anymore, and while I've donated money, I don't feel like it's enough.

Today is C's first day of Grade 2. We dropped her off at the school and I checked out her classroom... The teacher seems nice but firm. That is a good combination for that grade I'm thinking.

Then K & I went and got a snack and came home and played Madagascar on the gamecube.

Now I have to figure out lunch.

This stay at home thing is... interesting. Though I still feel like I am missing something. I don't know.

My dad told me over the weekend that my boss approached him and asked him if I'd be interested in training people some time in the future... oh boy did I laugh at that. I have a feeling that the person who made the decision to let me go (neither of my bosses made that decision, fyi, and both were pretty pissed about it) is starting to feel my absence in the sort of way that may cost him his job in the long run.

Anyway. I told dad that if my boss grows a pair and asks me himself, and is willing to meet my terms, then I'm in.

Ok, off to make some home-made pizza!

took the kids to african lion safari yesterday, where by luck or chance we got to witness a buffalo giving birth! taking the car through the safari, it was in the last stop (the americas area) and we noted all through the safari that there were babies everywhere this year! we saw some baby buffalo and then K said "mom look that big one is pooping" but no she wasn't... she was giving birth! i explained to the kids what was really happening and they were pretty impressed.

a few minutes later, placenta hanging out of her behind, she was cleaning up the baby, and a few minutes after that, the baby was running around.

we went to the station and told one of the rangers, who said not to worry, they have safari rangers going through the pavillions all the time, and they would take care of it. which was total bullshit because we were in the americas pavillion at least 20 minutes and no ranger. so i went to the front desk and told them, they said "WHAT she wasn't due for another week!" and started scrambling around. hehehe.

i am sure the momma was fine, i mean they have kids in the wild all the time, but i know they tag most of the animals so that they can account for them all, so i thought i was doing them a favor letting them know. bah.

came home to 3 phone messages from co-workers who were absolutely devasted by my loss. the workplace is reaping what they've sown because it's total chaos and trucks have been lining up angry waiting for paperwork and they've been expediting and the ditz they have doing my job now has *no clue* what she's doing.

the decision to let go of me was a political one, and i could name names and reasons but why degrade myself by slandering anyone? needless to say, reap/sow will come into effect very shortly.

that isn't sour grapes talking. s'truth. i for one am very happy they did what they did, as i had wanted to quit anyway, but had put it off because SO started a new job this week. he quit his old job and started at another company, and it's a cut in pay but worth it because he's so damn happy i don't even recognize him.

JG managed to sell his house and today is the closing date. so now begins the time he looks for an apartment in earnest, since he'll have 1st & last month's rent handy now. was hard for him to save for that what with a (now-ex) wife who spent money like it was water and paid no mind to bills. to say he is relieved that it's over between them is a bit of an understatement. there's a lot more to tell on that front but none of mine to say.

we left lion safari early yesterday because my head exploded in a magnificent cold, and i needed to go lie down and die for a while. i still feel all stuffy and not myself, but this is the first time in i don't know how long i've been sick but not stressed and i think i'll mend quicker for it.

Guess who walked in to a severance package this morning?

L is here! She arrived last night just in time for supper. SO made a delicious Portuguese roast and the meat was just nicely the fall-apart kind. Mmmm.

Then she offered to hang out with the kids while SO & I went to the wake. We got home @ nine and she had them nicely tucked in bed and read to and teeth brushed. What a darling.

Then we drank froooty wine and ate ketchup chips and watched Kung Fu Hussle. Yes. Because we are awesome.

She got me a gorgeous journal for my belated bday present because she knows that I hold back when writing entries here, and that I have about sixty paper journals all full (I've been writing in a journal since I was twelve, and have every one) but haven't done any journalling on paper in a long time.

Today I think we are going to go through the shops downtown, maybe visit my mom for a while and then go to Blythe to watch "I'll be home before midnight" OR we could go to a friend's housewarming BBQ OR we could just hang out and watch old movies and scrapbooking and more wine. Mmm.

L is one of those people that make you feel like home.

Ok. Time to go shower or something.

a few things:

• i deleted all but one post at e2 (only everythingians will know what the heck i'm talking about here)


• shawn's grandpa's second wife died this week. visitation is today and i have the day off work for it


• L is coming to visit me for the entire weekend, which i sorely need


• tattoo healed *perfectly* and i'm ready for another one


• JG is the perfect houseguest, neither too in your face nor too antisocial


• remind me why i shouldn't make a habit of smoking again?

Happy 50th, Daddy.

I don't wanna.

tattoo = gotten.

me = happy.

Weekend was nice. Not much going on for a change. I went and dyed and streaked my hair. C got a new haircut too. Sunday we all went out for brunch with some friends. There were too many of us to go to our favorite spot so we went to a brunch at the Queen's.

Two little boys just showed up at our door last night and asked if they could play with our kid. I said sure, in the front yard, but where were their parents? They didn't say for the longest time. I suspected the bigger one was a bully, so I parked myself in front and let them play cars with K. As suspected, the bigger one asked K if he could keep some of K's cars. I said quite firmly NO. The bully kind of glared at me. Then they asked if the could play in my backyard. I said no, because they wouldn't be able to hear their parents calling then. I asked again where their parents were... no answer. The bully kid asked about the cars again and I told them enough was enough, and go home. They didn't look too happy about it but the little kid was polite and said thanks for letting them play, then was dragged away by the bully to go knocking on the next door. Very strange.

JG came home halfway through this episode and stayed outside chatting with me while we half watched the kids. We discussed some prospective apartments, as he is not familiar with Stratford and wanted to know if I knew anything about the locations that came up. Then we chit-chatted about things I'd like to do to the house... I'm itching to do things for it again, which is the builder upbringing I guess. Growing up I never lived in a house that my Dad didn't touch somehow. Usually major renovations even if they weren't really needed. To me, a house isn't your home unless you've done something for it.

Last year it was painting the main floor and installing hardwood laminate. This year I'd like to fix up the bathroom upstairs, maybe paint it too. Alternately, I would like to rip out the old carpeting upstairs and either put in new carpet or floor it up there too. Except it would be hella cold in winter so new carpet. Except carpet is way more expensive. I don't know. Blah. JG is pretty handy and grew up with the same kind of Dad, so he offered to help whenever we decided it was time to do something. Which is nice because SO isn't really all that interested in doing anything to the house. He's pretty happy with it the way that it is.

I'm feeling kind of sleepy but not. I stayed up too late last night, first watching a DVD full of Spongebob Squarepants episodes with JG, and then after JG went to bed I stayed up and waited for SO, who kept me up until 2, and no we weren't talking.

Still haven't called the EAP. Because brrr. Therapists.

Maybe I just need to heal on my own, little by little.

I've been invited to visit my friend in London (UK). I'm sorely tempted. Thoughts?

my mom turns 50 today.

i got a correspondence from an old friend i haven't heard from in years (literally) and it was the best part of my week.

was prescribed ativan, i have yet to take it because he said only take when i feel i need it. SO asked me if my doctor remembers how stubborn i can be about not taking meds?

supposed to start career counselling soon. i keep meaning to call and keep forgetting. perhaps its my innate distrust of counsellors that is stopping me.

the only therapy i need right now is a warm blankie and a zillion hours of sleep.

back to the grind. blar.

i go see my doctor today about stress and etc. i've had 4 co-workers tell me i should just ask him to put me off on stress leave, but that seems like a quitter's way out to me. i said as much and they all freaked out and said it wasn't worth a god damned heart attack to keep going at the pace i'm going, and that the word "over-dedicated" more than applies here, and what am i stupid or something, just TAKE THE TIME OFF. my bosses were both not around to discuss it with, as yesterday was a holiday here in the canada but i still had to work what a SHOCK.

anyway i'm ok, or something, just tired, and not sleeping much, and feeling kind of weak and sluggish.

having JG in the house hasn't been near as bad as some people i know thought it would be. you'd hardly notice the guy was even here. he was pretty concerned about the whole panic attack thing and agreed with SO that i needed to take a freakin break already. i think SO likes having him here because it levels off the odds of him winning a conversation, heheh.

ok time to go and pretend i like my job. dr's appt at 2:45.




WRATH
1. who did you last get angry with?: my boss
2. what is your weapon of choice?: a scathing glare
3. would you hit a member of the opposite sex?: on the bottom maybe ;p
4. how about of the same sex?: in defense
5. who was the last person who got really angry at you?: my boss
6. what is your pet peeve?: selfishness
7. do you keep grudges, or can you let them go easily?: depends on the situation and circumstances

SLOTH
1. what is one thing you're supposed to do daily that you haven't done in a long time?: laundry. SO's been doing it, and it shows.
2. what is the latest you've ever woken up?: these days, 9 am
3. name a person you've been meaning to contact, but haven't: V
4. what is the last lame excuse you made?: i can't think of any
5. have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through?: yes, i love that crazy george foreman
7. how many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock today?: none, i was up at 5, though i'd be perfectly happy to continue sleeping

GLUTTONY
1. what is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice?: a cosmopolitan (we're talking yuppie here, technically i prefer beer or wine)
2. meat eaters: white meat or dark meat?: who cares, it's meat!
3. what is the greatest amount of alcohol you've had in one sitting/outing/event?: i cannot even begin to try and quanitify it. i outdrank several frat boys through a game of beeramid. i was also president of the century club. (century club = drink a minute for 100 minutes. i had an interesting college life).
4. have you ever used a professional diet company?: i guess so
5. do you have an issue with your weight?: who doesn't?
6. do you prefer sweets, salty foods, or spicy foods?: all of the above!
7. have you ever looked at a small housepet or child and thought, "LUNCH"?: no, i'm willing to bet they'd give me indigestion...

LUST
1. how many people have you seen naked (not counting movies/family)?: god i don't know. people keep track?
2. how many people have seen YOU naked (not counting physicians/family)?: too many.
3. have you ever caught yourself staring at the chest/crotch of a member of your gender of choice during a normal conversation?: of course. i'm human you know.
4. have you "done it"?: yes, and i'll do it again!
5. what is your favorite body part on a person of your gender of choice?: brains. and that lovely region between the navel & groin. i don't know why. oh and eyes. and that curve between earlobe and collarbone, on the neck. and a well-defined back. and uh... heck i like lots of things!
6. have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute?: yes, haha. and no, i didn't take up the offer.
7. have you ever had to get tested for an STD or pregnancy?: had to and chose to are two different things. i have chosen to get both at one point or another. the pregnancy tests were done with more frequency, as i'm paranoid as fuck and my system is very irregular.

GREED
1. how many credit cards do you own?: none, believe it or not!
2. what's your guilty pleasure in a store?: books and shoes
3. if you had $1 million, what would you do with it?: pay off the house & invest it.
4. would you rather be rich or famous?: rich, fame has too many strings attached.
5. would you accept a boring job if it meant you would make megabucks?: yes. if it were a *stressful* job... well i guess i'd lie if i said no since i'm at a stressful job and make peanuts.
6. have you ever stolen anything?: yes, and it riddled me with guilt, so eventually i gave it back.
7. how many MP3s are on your hard drive?: i can't count them all.

PRIDE
1. what one thing have you done that you're most proud of?: i managed to give birth to two pretty cool little people.
2. what's one thing have you done that your parents are most proud of?: i don't know, i'd have to ask them.
3. what thing would you like to accomplish in your life?: i'd like to see the world.
4. do you get annoyed by coming in second place?: nah.
5. Have you ever entered a contest of skill, knowing you were of much higher skill than all the other competitors?: no
6. Have you ever cheated on something to get a higher score?: of course.
7. what did you do today that you're proud of?: i got up in time.

ENVY
1. what item (or person) of your friends would you most want to have for your own: nothing, the grass is never greener.
2. who would you want to go on "Trading Spaces" with?: nobody, that show is such a ripoff.
3. if you could be anyone else in the world, who would you be?: jk rowling, the girl is richer than the queen and talented and nice and everything else.
4. Have you ever been cheated on?: more times than i care to imagine.
5. Have you ever wished you had a physical feature different from your own?: duh. refer to question 5 in gluttony.
6. What inborn trait do you see in others that you wish you had for yourself?: the ability to manage stress and anger.
7. Do you wish you'd come up with this survey?: no. but i bet i'd have better questions than these.

Finally, what is your favorite deadly sin?: lust