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Epiphany
Posted by Slowplum
on
1/06/2006 11:29:00 AM
See here's the thing. I can't think about the Epiphany without thinking about my grandfather (on my father's side), and my heart makes this little lurch down to my knees, and I feel the wind knocked out of me. That's what it does. Every time.
Last night was the first evening before the Epiphany in literally 7 years that I did not dream about him.
Instead I had a dream about someone I haven't seen or spoken to in years, and we had a sincere conversation which is something we have never, ever done. And I woke up exhausted and broken and really, really sad.
And just now, I remembered, oh yes, it's that time again and I felt a queer little quiver in the space where my heart should be and then I stopped and waited for the lurch and the wind and nothing. Nothing happened.
So maybe I'm learning, little by little, to let go of the grief. But I'm still not sure about that dream. It was too vivid to dismiss.
I don't know I don't know I don't know.
Last night was the first evening before the Epiphany in literally 7 years that I did not dream about him.
Instead I had a dream about someone I haven't seen or spoken to in years, and we had a sincere conversation which is something we have never, ever done. And I woke up exhausted and broken and really, really sad.
And just now, I remembered, oh yes, it's that time again and I felt a queer little quiver in the space where my heart should be and then I stopped and waited for the lurch and the wind and nothing. Nothing happened.
So maybe I'm learning, little by little, to let go of the grief. But I'm still not sure about that dream. It was too vivid to dismiss.
I don't know I don't know I don't know.