had a dream in which there were crabs running around the house and I had to pick them all up then i trapped one in a tupperware container and it kept trying to get out and it's little crab claws were sticking out and i broke its claws snapping the lid shut again. i got out a pot and then i boiled some water and threw him into it, on contact the water fizzled up all green and slimy like.

i served the crabs for dinner with rice & onion.

note: there is alot of history and back story to this, that i am too tired to articulate.

So today my boss from the U.S. called in to switchboard and didn't think it was me (he called around the time I take a break, and did not ask if it was me and then say hello, as usual)

He barked at me to check the CTB stock, so I did, and told him the value.

He said thanks then he said "hey... was there a death over there last week?"

I said yes, there was.

He said, "which plant was it at?"

I said plant 2.

He said, "Oh good. Good." Then he said "what area did he work in?"

I said, "maintenance"

"maintenance?"

"yes, he was a maintenance man"

He said "maintenance huh..." then under his breath he exclaimed "bitch!"

then he said "ok thanks" and hung up!

This infers two things: 1) he was checking to see if I had told him the truth about D, even though I had forwarded him the email received by our plant manager announcing what had happened, and forwarded the details of the wake asking if I could get off early to go. 2) he heard "maintenance" and said "bitch!" because I told him I had worked with the guy who died... well I did. I've known him a hell of a lot longer than I've known my boss and he just presumed that because the guy was in maintenance, that I lied and couldn't have known him and just got an afternoon off.

Even if the "bitch" was just him being a dork about something... what kind of fucktard goes "Oh good, good" when someone confirms the location of a death????? What is he playing at?

I was furious and I was shaking I was so upset about it.

It just brings me inexorably closer to the final point: quitting.

I have to go talk to my other boss about this tomorrow. I would have today but he was in union negotiations. Gah.

I've had it with this fuckhead. I'm tired of working with someone who has no respect for me, who makes me feel like I have inconvenienced him greatly when I call him for something, who makes me feel like I asked the stupidest question on earth when I double-check something with him, and who DOES NOT BELIEVE ME when I tell him I have to be absent for whatever reason. What's next? If I call and say I have to take my husband to the hospital, will he call up the hospital and make sure? Will he try and find out where my kids go to school, so that if I am called for an emergency, he can double-check? Fuck that. I refuse to work under those terms anymore.

Am I over-reacting here? Or did he just finally push me over the edge?

between the wake, the migraine, the brief tornado, my husband's birthday, and a visit from cousins from fall river whom i haven't seen literally in 14 years... it's been a really... interesting weekend.

i just got back from the wake... so many, many people...

there are no words.

the wake is friday night. the funeral is saturday.

i was supposed to be volunteering my time for the walk for MS on saturday. i think i am going to cancel. the funeral needs to be attended. i need closure. i could go to the wake but... not the same, you know?

i keep flipping from laughter to tears.

day two of having to deal with the public all day was horrendous. i can not articulate it.

i eventually broke down and visited one of the counsellors that my company has available for everyone all week.

i ended up having to stay a bit later to catch up with work because of it, but it was worth having a disinterested shoulder, if that makes any sense at all.

i'm still in shock, i think. it's still surreal.

oatmeal art! http://www.noggin.com/games/pwms/pwms/index.php

Ever have one of those days where you could just kill for a cigarette?


Today is that day.

today was a really... surreal day. i am completely numb. i don't know what to do.

at around 3pm, a man at our workplace was electrocuted by a machine he was working on. it was supposed to be locked out... i don't really know what happened. what i do know is, i have worked with this man. i have spent countless hours talking with him, joking with him. years.

i went to school with his daughter. he was the one person in the entire building i could actually speak french with who understood what i was saying. he was one of the few people who condescended to learn my kids' names when i had them. he was so, so nice.

and he's dead.

and i don't know what to do about this feeling that is creeping up my throat and causing my head to ache. i don't know what to do with the empty.

can you even begin to fathom what i am talking about? he fried himself. and people saw the blue light and saw him fall and saw what became of him. we had counsellors in all afternoon talking to them. the ambulance & fire dept & police dept came, and tried to resusitate him. i don't know how long he lived. i don't know if his daughter made it to him in time. i don't know and a part of me really doesn't want to know, because that would sting a little more.

and lucky me, i get to work switchboard, which was total chaos and i had to direct all these officials where to go. i have never been so anxious to go and yet anxious to stay at the same time. i wanted to be there to help but i wanted to go and be by myself.

i keep thinking about him and about things and i can hear his voice saying hello and telling me how precious my children are and how is the family, peach?

and i can't make it stop.

today marks the day i can once again eat bread & pasta. hallelujah!

the kids had a blast hunting down eggs i had hidden around the house. i bought a bunch of teh plastic kind and filled them with jellybeans, and some w/coins. they also loved the bag of crafts & things that was waiting for each of them on the kitchen table. says C: "this was the best easter ever, mom"

so nyah nyah. i rule.

migraine from hell today = me lying in our dark bedroom praying for either death or sleep to take me over. fortunately sleep won the day. i woke up feeling groggy but in much less pain. fucking hate migraines.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/3615191.stm

discuss.

I want

After carefully gleaning through the rest of my lj friends list, I found it! And it sucked.

8: Before you came to this website, what did you look at?
Myself in the mirror after taking a bath.

1: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line four. Write down what it says:
passed since my friend went away from me, with

2: Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first?:
SO

3: What is the last thing you watched on TV?:
I can't remember the last time I actually watched television. I think it was some weird Jerry Springer type thing. Or American Idol. Or somesuch rot.

4: WITHOUT LOOKING, guess what the time is:
7:45

5: Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?:
7:49

6: With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?:
cartoon network on the television in the other room for white noise, the fan in the kitchen whirring, SO's eq character's footsteps, a dull buzz in my ear.

7: When did you last step outside? what were you doing?:
Around 2 o'clock this afternoon, on my way to a home spa thing.

9: What are you wearing?:
I forget now. Clothes.

10: Did you dream last night?
Yes.

11: When did you last laugh?
Last night I had a good laugh at some stories that were being shared over cards with some friends.

12: What is on the walls of the room you are in?:
A bulletin board with a mishmash of artwork, notes, invitations, and a few photos; a calendar with everybody's schedule on it; one of those motivational things "21 suggestions for success" that my in-laws got me a long time ago; a clock; two of SO's pieces of art (framed); kids' art on the door; a harry potter poster, for some unknown reason; wire shelving for SO's stuff; a wooden bric-a-brac holder that was a wedding gift from my friend JM; the light switches; SO's computer speakers.

13: Seen anything weird lately?:
I'm a mom. I'm hard-pressed to tell you when I *didn't* see something weird.

14: What do you think of this quiz?:
Someone doesn't know how to count. (where's question 8???)

15: What is the last film you saw?:
Lost in Translation (again. I know, I know. Shuddup.)

16: If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?:
After paying off our debts, I'd buy myself a nice lunch... in Lisbon.

17: Tell me something about you that I don't know:
This is clearly a question that would make more sense in an email of some sort. (Perhaps that's why there is no number 8? Ludicrous questions should be omitted? Consider it done, with a hasty strikethrough!

18: If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?:
Make it cleaner and get rid of the need for money.

19: Do you like to dance?:
Absolutely.

20: George Bush:
lives in the United States of America.

21: Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?:
Uh... my first child *was* a girl. I called her C.

21: Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?:
If she would have been a boy, I'd have named her Alexander.

22: Would you ever consider living abroad?:
Absolutely.

23: Will you pass on this survey?:
That cannot be computed now, as we are missing probably the most crucial question of all, the illusive number eight!

Just came back from a birthday party, the kids had some fun but whooboy am I tired. Stupid daylight savings...@(#*$(@#$

Now I'm going to rest until the home spa party (!!!) which will be EXTRA RELAXING I am sure.

So my friend MH quit her job last month and spent all the month of March training her replacement JW. She worked at my place of work and she was like a breath of fresh air. You could always count on MH for a good laugh and zany adventures. She quit her job so she could go work on a boat as a chef on a Rideau cruise thing. She used to do it before her current job and she loved it so much that when they offered her a job back with them she took it up immediately. It is wonderful that she is taking the risk and doing something she loves but I will miss her terribly.

I made her trifle on Tuesday and made enough to feed almost all the office. this other girl in the office thought I made it just so SHE could try it... mind you that girl thinks she is the center of the freaking universe and lives off creating conflict and a hundred other things about her are going on that I don't care to pontify here. (Is there such a word as pontify? I'm thinking of something else but pontify came out. Pontify. Pontify. Pontify.)

Anyway yes. Trifle good. And yesterday was her last day so I got her a nice journal & cool little pen and a little bag of wishing stones and a nice card. She liked it very much and hooray! It was very hard to say good-bye to her at the end of the day. And she was a little emotional which made it harder. I managed not to really cry until she walked right out the door and it dawned on me that on Monday morning I would not hear her cheerful "Good morning!". So I had a little cry in the bathroom at work and then I was ok. I am an emotional sap, yes. Shut up.

as free as the wind and hopefully learning
why the sea on the tide has no way of turning

I watched Lost in Translation again today.