lazy sunday morning

kids are at my folks' house as they were begging for a sleepover. my in-laws just got back from cuba, browned and happy. they brought me back a clay mask to put on my wall. it's gorgeous and just the thing i'd want. my father-in-law was the one that chose it which is surprisingly astute of him. which isn't to say he wouldn't know what i like, more that we have never talked about my love of tribal masks so it's interesting he'd know that i'd want one.

it's hella cold outside (-14 celsius, about 1 fahrenheit) but i trekked out there anyway to get some tim horton's coffee & danishes for my beloved. he was greatly appreciative as he certainly wasn't going to be the one to do it. we have a coffee machine but no coffee. i am not much of a coffee drinker anymore after having given it up for lent.

my aunt almost died two weeks ago when a cyst on her pyloric sphincter (the one connecting her stomach to her intestinal wall) burst and went right through her abdominal wall. her lungs collapsed after the operation and she had to breathe with the help of a machine and the whole family waited with baited breath to see if she'd pull through. as miracles have it, she did, proving that the plucky spirit of my mother's side once again rules the day. that makes pretty much all of us ladies on mom's side having an "almost died" episode. (i know it seems like i'm being very blase and perhaps a little cheeky about this. truly i was in tatters and i can't even begin to articulate what this episode did to me. i'm being cheeky in a thumb-nosing way at death, which is my version of whistling in the dark.)

i have this song stuck in my head by ana nalick and i hate being the lyrics-posting type but today i'm going to indulge. i especially like the bit about "and these words are my diary screaming out loud"

2 AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake,
"Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?,
I don't love him. Winter just wasn't my season"
Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to criticize,
Hypocrites. You're all here for the very same reason

'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl.
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe

In May he turned 21 on the base at Fort Bliss
"Just a Day", he said down to the flask in his fist,
"Ain't been sober, since maybe October of last year."
Here in town you can tell he's been down for a while,
But, my God, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles,
Wanna hold him. Maybe I'll just sing about it.

Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table.
No one can find the rewind button, boys,
So cradle your head in your hands,
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe

There's a light at each end of this tunnel,
You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you only try turning around.

2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to

But you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand.
and breathe, just breathe
woah breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe.