So, I watched Hearts in Atlantis last night, which was ok I guess. High drama, I think Stevieboy King is getting soft in his age. The only paranormal bit was with Anthony Hopkins' character, Ted, being psychic. But really how paranormal is that? I have a feeling that as time passes the ability will be more commonplace than we realize. What I disagree with is their portrayal of psychic abilities.
 
It's like this. Human beings are close and private entities. As intriguing as it would be to have the power to tell what people are thinking all the time, my bet is that the truth is, you cannot see anything unless you are permitted to do so. A person has to be willing to be an open book before someone can read it. Just a thought.
 
Also watched MonkeyBone last night, wow was it ever...umm...yeah.
 
Very trippy, the plot was ok I guess but there was way too much eye candy going on. It was cute, but maybe a little too much shtick.
 
Ugh. I don't wanna work today. I worked yesterday 7-3. Today 7-3 then back in 7pm-11. then in tomorrow 7-2. and so on all week. blah. HATE WORK

went out for brunch with mar, talked about nothing too important but just yapped and it was carefree and comfortable and exactly what i needed to do.

took the kids for a walk in their wagon in the afternoon, it was the first nice clear day in FOREVER. god it felt so good to be in the fresh air. we went to the store and on the way a crazy old man gave my daughter a picture he had made out of crayon. it was all boxes all together different colors. he wasn't creepy crazy but more like alzeihmer's type. i don't know. it was nice. celeste liked the picture. each of the kids picked out a new summer hat and they each *insisted* on wearing it home. also bought bananas from the fruit stand in front of the store (first time out this year) and then we went home and made chocolate banana cake. from scratch. i am *so* martha.

also got some mail woo! an excellent very good mix cd from jb and a second part of a two part correpsondance from m. I wonder when the first part will come? The letter remains unopen. I am patient.

talked to bel today for the first time in forever. things seem to be going well for him which is great news.

i don't have to work tomorrow, the first good friday i have not had to work in YEARS.
i do work from sat through to the next weekend tho. sucky.

ok i'ma go now.

The week went by quick. Time flows through me like water. I have a hard time keeping track of days weeks minutes hours, years.I have been off-track with some friends. I miss them.In other ways, I have been having rather synchronistic experiences with others. It's incredible when you think of it. I'm tired of cleaning up kool-aid stains. I want to rip my carpet out entirely. Ok. I'm going now. Mood is suddenly dropping.

it's been an up/and/down sort of week. and it's only wednesday.

but

i get paid this week

huzzah!

i'm so very tired

i want to write more but my brain keeps misfiring information

today is supposed to be the day i go out for lunch with s, but so has it in his head that we go out elsewhere as a family type unit. i'm not going to complain about that. but i am going to bring a purseful of toys for the kidlets. (it pays off, y'all)

my son is becoming quite the artist. he is happy using pretty much any medium. last night it was crayons on tupperware. he's the quiet sort. hasn't said much yet and he will be two in july. we're a bit concerned, so's family has a lot of people with hearing impairments. we're going to wait until he is two though. some people bloom later than others.

my daughter is becoming quite the singer. she does it all day. sing sing sing. sometimes i feel like i am living in her own little musical, and i am the extra that mumbles a few notes here and there between the real action. she will be 4 in may. she wants powerpuff girls bedsheets for her birthday.

children are wonderful extensions of our selves. you can learn so much if you just pay attention. i am continuously humbled into seeing the world through their eyes and realizing what i am taking for granted. i love them for this.

i don't really remember the time before them, i really don't. it is hard. it seems blurry. it seems like someone else's life. but i regret nothing. nothing.

wow.

a lot is going through my head right now. mostly that i suck at direction.

saturday was a typical day except...

i spent a good deal of time talking with my dad about nothing and everything. and it was like talking to an old friend. he kept saying "this is so cool, we *never* talk about these kinds of things, this is so neat." and i agree. i told him about how i met so and how we got together. we also talked about my best friend in high school j and how everyone thought i would get together with him and etc. we talked about him and my mom and it was kind of eerie listening because it was like he was talking about an entirely different person. mom is very good at hiding things i guess.

anyhow, then saturday night my sisinlaw's boyfriend(ish) called and said he wanted to come over he had something for me. so he and she did and he gave me a book (a book is the BEST present on the face of the earth to me) and wow i was so touched, it was my favorite author. they stayed and we talked a while and then i finally kicked them out because i was tired and had to go to work in the morning.

so the morning comes and i go to work, a little sulky because i had asked for the morning off but had to go in for some contractor stuff. anyway i finished at 11 and made for the hills, i was going to go see hb!. except my car had a hiccup. so i ended up borrowing my mom's little crap car that blows the way the wind does.

i got lost.

twice.

but it was a fun adventure. i end up at hb's house and the first thing she gave me was a hug which was muchly needed, i am a bit of a tense driver. (history of being in the car during accidents [not the driver y'all] will do that to you). hm was there too so it was like meeting two noders for the price of one.

here is the part where i shock you all. i am terribly shy. so hb if i seemed a little quiet to you, that is why. hb's house is very comfy and it was nice to just veg a bit before doing anything much. there was no snow (yes virginia, there was no snow in canada this weekend) so we couldn't go crazy carpeting but i don't think i'd have the energy for it anyway.

so we hung out and yapped a bit and then hb cooked me yummy very good food. hm kept teasing her because she wasn't making the right "cooking noises". then her sister teased him about his (lack of) hair.

then we ate and her brother came home in the middle of it and decided to "serenade" us with his accoustic guitar. very pleasant fellow but it was a bit surreal because he reminded me A LOT of my own brother.

we saw LAMBS they were sooooooooo cute. her sister gave her crap for rubbing the one little boy lamb's head, something about not encouraging him to be aggressive or somesuch. bah, he was cuuuuute. :) we also saw horses, that was very neat. i've never been on a horse but not much opportunity to ride one there, these were race horses (EEK!).

a lot more happened than i am telling but i am still processing it all.

we came in and talked on irc a bit, this too was a little crazy. took some webcam type photographs (PROOF OF MY EXISTENCE). then hb's parents came home (WITH DONUTS!) and i talked with her family a bit. but then i had to head home because i had to work.

i didn't get lost but i did end up taking the long way (i ended up in georgetown to drop something off to my cousin) but as a result i managed to be late (oops) and I DON'T CARE SO NYAH NYAH.

i hope hb liked her crown (hehe) and the little eyeball hand puppets.

thank you for having me over lady ma'am it was very good to see you and the perfect amount of people for my first noder encounter.

i managed to stab myself in the foot witha pencil today.
 
it hurt.
 
my day has generally been blah, or it was until i checked my mail
 
i got a CD from fw, the darling
 
he rocks like a giant electric robot cowboy ninja on the rockingest day of its life
 
my head aches tho so i can't really listen to it :/
 
oh well

It seems I have gotten back into an insomnia loop.
 
The nice long stretch of getting actual sleep worth mentioning has once again gone on vacation. Oh how I weep.
 
I feel sickly today. I hope I'm not getting the flu or something.
 
I think I souldsaghlasjfsaf. But don't quote me on that.
 
Peanut butter and banana toast.
 
I am writing a story but am having a block. I hate that.
 
I wonder how B's trip to Japan went?
 
I'm sad today.

weekend was blah.

all kinds of stuff going on in my head lately. i went over to k's yesterday, and again our talk led to the spiritual vs. the mundane. just a lot of very heavy deep subject matter going on. which was nice, but also, "whoah".

a while ago she lent me "the secret of shambhala" which by the way is an excellent book whether you take it as truth or no. in any case she asked for my opinion on it and for once i couldn't really piece together one. i sort of just hemmed and hahhed about it. it was hard to define my feelings on the book because they were rather myriad and complex. i will leave it at that.

i get to work extra hrs today and tomorrow. hoo-fuckin-ray. i hate my job. have i ever mentioned this before?

i get to go visit j this weekend! i am so excited.

ok i trudge of to workie now

Dr. Baker phoned me in the morning

Left a note, he's still yawning

Dr. Baker phoned me in the morning

Left a note, she couldn't make it

How did she ever take a lesson outside his head?

Dr. Baker phoned me in the morning
He couldn't understand, he was a busy man
Tried to reach him again, plead with him
Please come please come please come
Please come please come
 

p  l  e  a  s  e  c  o  m  e 
 
See me lost inside

You will see me lost how high

See me lost inside

You will see me lost how high

See me lost inside

You will see me lost how high

See me lost inside

You will see me lost how high

 

Hovering and hovering and hovering on

Hovering and hovering and hovering on

I'm a hovering and hovering and hovering on

Hovering and hovering and hovering on

 

Dr. Baker phoned me again later that day

Said he cried and he really sounded out of it

His wife was dead and his dog was dead

And misery planned inside his head

I tried to reason with him, tried singing

He said 'no boy you'll never listen'

Try it again

Try it again

Try it again

  gaingaingaingain
 

See me lost inside

You will see me lost how high
 

See me lost inside

You will see me lost how high

See me lost inside

You will see me lost how high

See me lost inside

You will see me lost how high
 

Hovering and hovering and hovering on

I'm a hovering and hovering and hovering on

I'm a hovering and hovering and hovering on

I'm a hovering and hovering and hovering on

I'm a hovering and hovering and hovering on

I'm a hovering on

I'm a hovering on

well, my weekend plans have been shot due to circumstances beyond my control.
 
so booo!
 
this makes me sad.
 
BUT!
 
i got a mix cd in the mail from p!
 
so yay!
 
this makes me happy.

I HEART PULP

Don't bother saying you're sorry
Why don't you come in?
Smoke all my cigarettes, again
Every time I get no further
How long has it been?
Come on in now
Wipe your feet on my dreams
You take up my time,
like some cheap magazine
When I could have been learning something
Well, you know what I mean
I've done this before and I will do it again
C'mon and kill me baby,
whilst you smile like a friend
 And I'll come running
 Just to do it again
I can't believe it
That this is still going on
Just how stupid can one person be?
Just how stupid and wrong
You are the last drink I never should have drunk
You are the body hidden in the trunk
You are the habit I can't seem to kick
You are my secrets on the front page every week
You are the car I never should have bought
You are the train I never should have caught
You are the cut that makes me hide my face
You are the party that makes me feel my age
Like a car crash I can see but I just can't avoid
Like a plane I've been told I never should board
Like a film that's so bad but I've just got to stay 'til the end
Let me tell you now - it's lucky for you that we're friends...
 
((lyrics to like a friend))

Not a bad weekend, still working crap hours but at least they didn't split up Sunday.

They gave everyone a stress assessment package at work. My results were that (duh!) I'm incredibly stressed out and have an 80% chance of getting really, really sick. I feel like waving it in front of my boss's face but that would be uncouth so I shall just wave it in front of my doctor's face instead. I have been considering *gasp* going to counselling.

The problem with this is, I find it hard to respect or even tolerate 70% of the counsellors/therapists out there. It invariably turns into this game of "You tell me your problems, I'll tell you mine, and *you* get to pay *me* while I get free therapy".
 
Maybe it's my approach. I do a lot of give and take in conversations but I ask too many questions. However, it is the doctor's choice to answer them or stay in focus, obviously they choose to answer.

But I cannot keep going at the rate I am going without seeking some sort of help. It is the curse of the carpenter to never fix his own home. He does it all day, he doesn't *want* to work at home. Well it is the curse of the empath to never solve their own problems. They are too busy saving the world.

Bah. Too much philosophy for a Monday morning.