What is your favorite food? Describe what it tastes like to you.

Boy do I ever want this shirt. hahahaha.

I am taking a break from cleaning my whole damn house because i'm exhausted and have been working on this for 2 days now. I have put about 5 boxes of toys in the garage to take to the Salvation Army later - remind me to kill my family the next time they suggest that my kids have nothing to play with because that is bupkus.

I'm tired and tonight I have to go to the company xmas party not because I want to but because I have to present some damn award, SO can't go because he has to work, and I am frustrated because I have taken 3 days off and have not actually had a day to myself. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. Did I mention, fuck?

Ok back to the grindstone I go.

yeah. so i have today tomorrow and friday off. WOO!



1. What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before?
Installed hardwood laminate flooring

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I haven't made a new year's resolution in literally YEARS.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Nope

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Yes, several :(

5. What countries did you visit?
None, I suck

6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004?
A job that isn't slowly killing me.

7. What date from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
april 13, the day frenchie died.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Managing to not punch my daughter's teacher in the teeth while she smiled sweetly at me and told me that my child who is reading at a level higher than the grade 2's in her class (she is in grade one, in a split class) only got a b-, almost c, in reading, because "she wanted celeste to feel like she needs to be challenged to get a higher mark"

Ok honestly I guess my biggest achievement was helping to raise $3,000.00 for a little girl with an inoperable tumor, or maybe volunteering for the Walk for MS and being appointed Team Ambassador for the MS society for my area, or taking the time to show my kids what dawn looks like, or maybe it was just smiling at people who looked like they needed it, or helping to raise $10,000.00 for the heart & stroke foundation, or setting up a bingo at easter and using the funds raised to purchase spring coats to donate to the house of blessing, or the ten thousand other little things I do to try and atone for all the bad things I've ever done.

9. What was your biggest failure?
See number 8 haha. My biggest failure was putting up with a job I hate just because I've grown comfortable with the paycheck.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Whoa nelly I sure did.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
My mind drew a blank, because I have no clue how to answer this. People keep track of their purchases?

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My family for reasons I shall not divulge.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
My boss's, when he reacted so poorly to my asking for a day off so I could go to the funeral of a friend who died on the job at my workplace, whom I have known for years, and was probably one of the nicest people on earth.

14. Where did most of your money go?
bills, kids' needs, food

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Tons of things, I like the little things remember? Just read my freaking journal.

16. What song will always remind you of 2004?
Any song that sticks out in my mind wasn't actually released in 2004, does that invalidate it?

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? depends on the day, I guess
ii. thinner or fatter? thinner
iii. richer or poorer? comfortable.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
actual rest on my vacation days

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
complaining about my job when there are people out there who are homeless and would kill for my job.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
half-drunk, stuffing a turkey, cursing my family but somehow loving it. listening to elvis croon out "blue christmas" while my father sings along.

22. Did you fall in love in 2004?
i was already in love, does that count

23. How many one-night stands?
none

24. What was your favorite TV program?
TV is the devil!

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Uh, I don't focus on hating people. So no.

26. What was the best book you read?
This year? Probably Alice Sebold's "The Lovely Bones"... Nothing else is coming to mind, but keep in mind I consume a LOT of books in a year...

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
None are creeping up.

28. What did you want and get?
I wanted more RAM and got some for my birthday (yes I'm a nerd shut up)

29. What did you want and not get?
A trip to Scotland. Damnit.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Oh Christ. I always get that all mixed up, I watch too many movies and can't remember when.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was 28 and I didn't do much, just dinner w/family. It was pretty laid-back this year. I do have a disaster story or two but those will keep for another time.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Losing the customs end of my job and not having to watch another family member die of cancer.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004?
Comfortable and clean.

34. What kept you sane?
The same people that drove me nuts, kept me sane. Family of course.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Bill Murray! haha. I don't know. What's the point in a question like this? What am I, twelve?

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
What political issue *didn't* stir me? I don't like discussing politics.

37. Who did you miss?
Lots of people. Possibly even YOU!

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Probably Trevor because he is incredibly funny and always easy to work with.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004:
Do not take those you love for granted. Tell them you love them constantly. Constantly.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
More than this - there is nothing
More than this - tell me one thing
More than this - there is nothing

This is probably the saddest thing I've read all week.

(Don't bother linking to things that are much sadder. It is probably on purpose that I don't read too many sad things. Dig?)

it's pretty funny when your six-year-old daughter tells you to "rock on, mom".

it's my brother's birthday today! he is 27 years old.

do you have a holiday ritual/tradition? what makes it special to you?

edited to add word "tradition", which is what i really meant, thanks knifegirl

so today was crazy and busy but: the highlight was when 4 very fine gentlemen dressed to the nines came in from the fire dept. for the yearly inspection. dayum, son. i love a man in uniform.

i have never read the catcher in the rye.

...that eating sugar can cure hiccups?

IT IS TRUE

Also I have my HIDA scan today.

Then I get to go to work and catch up from the morning.

Tonight we are going out to celebrate my brother's birthday, which is actually on the 11th but he'll be off doing something with his friends or somesuch.

It's really weird to think of my baby brother as 27 this year.

It's also sad that Dimebag died.

Ok better go

do you have a song that, when you hear it playing on the radio, immediately makes you crank up the volume and think "yeah! i LOVE this song!"? what song is it? (i have multiple answers to this one, so i'm pretty sure others do too. just pick one.)

My therapist said not to see you no more
She said you're like a disease without any cure
She said I'm so obsessed that I'm becoming a bore, oh no

We had our first real snowfall on the first day of December. Little noses pressed against the glass and gleeful "SNOW SNOW SNOW MOMMMMMMM SNOWWWWWW!" was all I heard when the kids got up and then a squeal of "SANTA IS COMING SOON KNOW HOW I KNOW HUH HUH BECAUSE THE CHOCOLATE. CALENDARS. HAVE. STARTED!" and stomps with every word to emphasize.

There is something about the first snowfall that always tugs at my heart and makes me long to be a kid again. Before all the crap started and before I lost the magic of being that free.

My throat is still raw from the esophagal scope (that tube that looked like a vacuum hose from hell was apparently a tight fit... urk) but at least the sigmoid didn't leave me feeling too tender. Waking up from the nice little coma they put me into before doing any REAL testing, my first thought was, "so this must be how alien abductees feel". Honest to pete. Stuff oozing out of places it should never ooze out of and the feeling like "OMGWTF" and "where are my pants???"

The surgeon was nice enough to tell me they found no Chrohn's (however you spell that) so that is a bit of a "phew!" but they took a buncha biopses and we'll see how that goes. Next step: "HIDA Scan", which is less ominous than it sounds, promise. No weird preparing for that one at least, just a fasting.

Then on the 21st I will finally know if all that bullshit they have put me through turned anything up. If not... I don't really know what's next.

This is probably one of the longer posts I've made in some time. I just can't bring myself to write it all down and I feel no joy and I feel nothing. Nothing. I keep asking public questions to snap myself into feeling something vicariously through others. I don't really have a reason to be this way. Maybe it's just the season or maybe I'm just tired. I don't know.

Ok time to get the munchkins up and get ourselves to work/school/babysitters.

Ta.

G

Lots of things have been happening at casa de me. I've been incredibly busy but at the same time insanely un-busy. I can't explain.

Put the tree up this past weekend, the kids did a marvellous job decorating it. They were really meticulous about the whole process and would have consultations on each and every ornament placed. It was quite silly and cute and wonderful all at once.

I'm too tired to talk about much more but the one thing I wanted to mention was I had a really weird dream in which I developed a sim game based around politics. You could work on a world level or stick to one country and you had to put it through this entire political thing and it's hard to explain but it seemed really cool at the time.

Ok time for bed I think.