So today is my last day at my old job, I am training the new guy and then I am OUTTA THERE! My boss did the political apology thing which was weird I never expected one from her. Ok I am off!

I am still pissed off at my boss. But cooling down. Also, gads it is hot out there. Also, spent time today in the kiddie pool with my daughter and son. my son kept dunking his head under water gulping some up and then snorting it out his nose. On his face you could just see the pride. "Lookit me, mom, I'm a whale!"
 
The water was coooold but so nice in the humidity. YAY!We also had ice cream at Scoopers. It was an ok day in spite of the whole incident with my boss.

They're breakdance fighting!
 
Hahahahaa. Oh god. I loved Zoolander.
 
I have no idea what got me to thinking about that movie. I need a whole lot of sleep but it ain't happening.
 
Wow wow wow time is speeding up and the next thing you know I will be doing this new job and gah! No time to prepare!
 
So training this kid has been interesting although I think whatever I have taught him will slip away into dim memory well before he has had a chance to retain it. Which means more work for me in the long run having to type down what I did so he has something written. I mean we have procedures in place (I should know, I wrote the fucking book) but somet things are relatively new that I do and have not had the time to put in the freakin manual. I am -} {- this close to saying FUCK ALL Y'ALL FIGURE IT OUT FOR YOURSELVES.
 
But my stupid conscience is getting the better of that instinct.
 
I go now.

So I started training a new guy yesterday to take my place. He is young, gads, only 18. Cripes. He is also the first guy to ever do this job. It's always been girls.
 
After work I had to rush to get myself together to go to my friend JD's wedding. I ended up going alone because of babysitting issues. It was a lovely wedding and JD looked gorgeous, as did everyone. I took my daughter to the church with me, she was pleased as punch that I did so. But I sent her back home afterward.
 
The reception was good as well and fun. Except I was lonely for SO. I hate going to functions alone sometimes, I always get the "where's SO?" question and then the raised eyebrow as I try to explain the situation. Some people are vultures circling, waiting for something bad to happen so they can feed on it.
 
M scraped up her leg bad falling down the steep hill at the Vic Inn (where reception was at) parking lot. It was pretty nasty, but after a few drinks in her she felt fine hehehe. I sat at a table with some people I haven't seen in a long while, that was good. The funny thing about weddings is that there is of course the inevitable wedding talk among couples who are and are not married. The couples who are married inevitably warn the couples who are not married to ELOPE! DO IT! FORGET THE WEDDING STUFF!
 
Personally, I wanted to elope to Las Vegas and get married there, but, hmmm how can I explain this? My father had been dreaming about walking his daughter down the aisle and celebrating with family and friends since the day I was born. How could I possibly not grant him that?
 
In any case, a good time was had by all. Instead of clinking plates or singing songs about love to get the couple to kiss, we had to go up and tell a story about them or tell a joke. I found that to be a much better option. I went home early, however, because I was still tired from the night before (my son still having issues getting used to his "big boy bed").
 
Today I actually get the day off, WOO.
 
But Monday I work 7am-11am and then back in from 3pm-11pm. Fuckers. I am gone from their clutches in 2 weeks. Holy wow. Two weeks!
 
Ok. Time to do things.

I am spinning in circles.

You said you would tread gently; I hope you do, but not too gently. I need to remember what it means to be strong even when you are so very small.

I need to remember a lot of things.

Dear heart, the head and I have talked, would you mind it if you would stop breaking a little while? The tear ducts are going on strike and frankly, it is giving us a headache.

xo

G.

She says, "It's only in my head."
And she knows she's more than just a little misunderstood.
She has trouble acting normal when she's nervous.
 
I am feeling like I am going on an emotional roller coaster. My heart is a piece of pottery dug up from the earth, be careful, it is so old and fragile, you could shatter it if you aren't careful.
 
If you dusted it off you would find behind the layers of debris a cacophany of scenes that would both melt and shatter you.
 
I am not near so melodramatic as I seem. But I would like to be, if only for today. I hope that is ok with you.
 
Round here, we talk just like lions,
But we sacrifice like lambs.
Round here,
She's slippin' though my hands.
 
I don't know who I am anymore but I am slowly starting to find out. What frightens me to no end is that, in the end, when I finally emerge and be who I am meant to be, I will be standing alone.
 
And yet at the same time, I welcome that.
 
I am a fuckton of mixed-up craziness.Do you even care? Who reads this, anyway? Really now.
 
She says, "Shh... I know, it's only in my head."

Days are glomming into each other. I have been emotionally frazzled. HUGS ARE APPRECIATED.

I get to train soon, this should be interesting.

I am still messed up as far as daycare goes. *sigh*

I got excellent surprises from PI, J, and Q. They all have impeccable timing; I needed the lift.
 
I wrote something new. It exhausted me. Writing about stuff that has to do with my life always does exhaust me but after I am finished with it I feel... relief? Something akin to that.

Work is giving me $$ advance for my expenses and a car. YAY! This makes me feel a bit better about things, I hate the idea of paying upfront and then having work dick around and not refund for say YEARS.

Not that that's happened before, or anything. *cough*

I had more to say but I lost it. That seems to be the theme of late. Speaking of themes, it is fun playing themerati, the bastardized version of literati. Although not as easy as you may think!

Today is just not a very good day. I suppose it started with my son getting me up at 2:30 in the morning and my not sleeping since. Carried on with the chilling fact that I am going to have to shell out $170 (before tax mind you) for day care to watch my kids every afternoon when I take on this new job, thus putting me in the exact same amount of money left over as I am now, no improvement there. SO isn't helping by beeing moody as all hell. Oh yes, he called me a bitch today.

So now I'm in between shifts of working. Only a few more weeks and then I'm free of this god-awful position.
 
That is my mantra. "Soon I will be free."
 
Playing Ben Harper mp3's to give me energetic feeling. Hopefully I can trick myself into it. THANK YOU CBN FOR GIVING ME ACCESS TO YOUR PRETTIES. XOXOOk. Brain melting.
 
Not enough sleep in me. Too many hrs working. Write more later.

Have you ever:
 
01. fallen for your best friend?: yes.
02. made out with JUST a friend?: yes
03. been rejected?: yes
04. been in love?: of course!
05. been in lust?: well duh.
06. used someone?: never.
07. been used?: unfortunately, more often than not.
08. cheated on someone?: define "cheated".
09. been cheated on?: see above.
10. been kissed?: yeah.
11. done something you regret?: i regret nothing.
 
who was the last person....
12. you touched? my son, i gave him a hug and a kiss before putting him into bed
13. you talked to? with a voice? uhmm... my mom.
14. you hugged? see #12
15. you instant messaged? eh, feck, i don't know. lotsa people.
16. you kissed? *kiss* kissed? my husband.
17. you yelled at? same person i kissed.
18. you laughed with? my kids.
19. you had a crush on? i try not to crush and tell.
21. who broke your heart? i'm a mom, my heart breaks on a daily basis.
 
do you...
22. color your hair? yes. any color you can imagine.
23. have tattoos? no, but hoping to get one this summer.
24. piercings? aside from my ears?
25. have a boyfriend/girlfriend/both? no, my husband wouldn't approve
26. floss daily? yes.
27. own a web cam? no, thank goodness!
28. have aol? nope. i use aim though.
29. what are you wearing? kinky bastage, i'm not answering that!
 
favorite...
30. car?: ARMY TANK
31. place? : can't narrow it down.
32. thing to do on a rainy day?: watch movies
33. ... sunny day?: have a picnic
34. ... boring day?: read something
35. ... good day?: spend time with loved ones
36. ... bad day?: kick things
37. friends?: i don't play favorites with friends, yo.
38. person?: my kids tie this one up.
39. movie(s)?: anything with john cusack in it, and uhmmm this is tough. i like lotsa movies.
40. song(s)?: again, i can't play favorites
41. color(s)?: black, silver, red, purple, white
42. food(s)?: ice cream!
43. drink(s)?: water, milk, tea
44. memory?: my first kiss
45. features of the opposite sex?: eyes, shoulders, hands
 
what...
46. do you do in the mornings?: wake up to hungry baby noises, feed my kids, make some coffee, read the paper if i'm lucky, every day is different, i don't have a "typical" day.
47. ... afternoons?: stuff with kids/work/whatever.
48. ... evenings?: see 46/47
49. do you like to watch on daytime tv?: i don't like television.
51. makes you swoon?: john cusack (hahaha), men who can pull off smoking a cigar without looking ridiculous, good music
52. makes the guys/girls swoon about you?: I don't know, ask them.
53. makes you happy?: making others happy
54. ... sad?: memories
55. ... mad?: selfishness
56. ... feel good?: an un-looked-for message/phone call from someone i have been thinking of.
57. would you rather be doing?: traveling the world.
58. are you listening to? the gentle hum of the air conditioning
59. can you do anything freakish with your body? yeah, wanna see? :p
 
Random Questions:
60. chicken or fish? fish
61. do you have a favorite animal? cats. meow!
62. is ice cream the best thing in the world? no, but it is pretty damn high up there!

New work coming up quickly.
 
Old boss getting cranky.
 
Me feeling happy and nervous and excited and everything all at once.
 
I have to iron out details about getting a company car and cash advance. Also directions to the workplace and maybe to places to sleep that are near place of training. It is kind of going to be nice to have some time to myself. I still am scrambling to find good daycare. *sigh*
 
Things you may or may not know about me:
 
I hate cherries because their texture reminds me too much of olives, which I also hate.
 
Up until last week, I had never tried mango or any mango derivative. Last week I had some mango juice. It was yum.
 
Never tried avocado, either; no, not even in guacamole (spell that? guacamole? guacamoli? bah). I still haven't and probably won't for some time.
 
I am allergic to: blueberries, mustard, and marijuana.
 
I have a brother. He is 18 months younger than I am.
 
I owned the movie "The Shawshank Redemption" for TWO YEARS before cracking it open to watch it. And then it became a favorite.
 
I went to the island of Sao Miguel, Portugal when I was sixteen.
 
I love tomatoes. I will eat them like apples, given the chance.
 
I also love David Bowie.
 
That's all for now. Have a good day, folks.

Here is a snippet of my life.
 
the story. my daughter comes up to me a while back and says "i know a sekrit. a deliciously yummy sekrit. and i'm not tellin' nobody."
 
i say "not even me?"
 
she says "ok but just you!"
 
i say "well, what is it punkin?"
 
she looks around all conspiratorial-like, and then creeps up close and angelic whispers "i love you to the moon! and you are the bestest in the world!"
 
she told me this not minutes after i gave her crap for not cleaning up after herself.
 
the secret she taught me was the secret of unconditional love. that it does indeed exist in others, and it isn't just me. unconditional love is possible and you should settle for nothing less.
 
out of the mouths of babes...in any case, it isn't as big a deal as it seemed, not to anyone outside of myself. but the line struck a chord. Children open up your eyes in unfathomable ways. It is amazing.
 
When I think about what I did before kids, it feels both hollow and good. Good because I didn't know any better, hollow because now I know what I was missing.
 
Some (not all but SOME) single people hate to hear parents gush about kids. They can't comprehend it until they are in the moment.
 
Is that interesting enough, D? :P

Long week last week and longer weekend.
 
I got the job and all is well on that front except now I have to scramble to find reliable daycare.
 
And my boss is being nasty about it because she wasn't around when it all took place. WELL FUCK THAT she has no control over me or my life (and she HATES that, she is a total control freak).
 
In any case FUCK IT I didn't go looking for this behind anyone's back it dropped in my lap and I took the opportunity.
 
Haircut from HELL this weekend I ended up going home and crying and then cutting way more off to fix it. FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKK.
 
So yeah. I had more to say but I lost it. I'm going crazy I think.

So I got offered a job in a different department today. I would basically be doing customs stuff making sure things get across the border safely.
 
It would require 2 weeks of training in W. Dudes, that's a 3-4 hr drive away. So they will be paying for my accomodations &etc.
 
Except it means 2 weeks away from kids (excluding weekend).
 
At the same time, it means 2 weeks to myself!
 
But it means 2 weeks of an empty hotel bed.
 
But it means 2 weeks to myself!
 
Obviously, I have mixed feelings.
 
SO is being a bit of a doody-head about it. Oh well.