Fighting soldiers from the sky,
Fearless men who jump and die,
Men who mean just what they say
The brave men of the Green Beret.
Silver wings upon their chests,
These are men, America's best,
One hundred men we'll test today,
But only three win the Green Beret.

Trained to live off nature's land,
Trained in combat, hand to hand,
Men who fight by night and day,
Courage take from the Green Beret.

Silver wings upon their chests,
These are men, America's best,
Men who mean just what they say,
The brave men of the Green Beret.

Back at home a young wife waits,
Her Green Beret has met his fate,
He has died for those oppressed,
Leaving her this last request:

Put silver wings on my son's chest,
Make him one of America's best,
He'll be a man they'll test one day,
Have him win the Green Beret.
Staff Sgt. Barry Sadler - Ballad of the Green Berets

I never thought I'd live in a time where war would become common talk around the dinner table and innocents would die so quickly. I never thought I'd live in fear of my children's future. I am arrogant, I guess. This is a hard day for me to begin with. So many bad things have happened on this day. But some good things, too. I am confused. I am tired. I am REALLY not wanting to go to work. *sigh*

Take me back to the land of kids.

Who am I wearing my poppy for? Too many people.

Hey little sister what have you done
Hey little sister who's the only one
Hey little sister who's your superman
Hey little sister who's the one you want
Hey little sister shotgun

It's a nice day to start again
It's a nice day for a white wedding
It's a nice day to start again
Billy Idol, White Wedding

Soooo

Today my friend T asked me to be her matron of honor! I am so very touched and honored that she asked and of course I said I would be.

I have to work again at 3 am tonight I am hating my job but what else is new.

I am so tired. I must sleep.

I I I ME ME ME always about me, what a selfish creature I am! What about you??? Tell me about you!

This about says it all.

Please die Ana
For as long as you're here we're not
You make the sound of laughter
And sharpened nails seem softer

And I need you now somehow
And I need you now somehow
SilverChair, Ana's Song (Open Fire)

Humdrum life lately, been sick sick sickety sick sick.

Been thinking of things that always crop up this time of year.

At least it's predictable.

Watched this weekend:

High Fidelity
Dogma
Conan the Barbarian

I thoroughly enjoyed, for the umpteenth viewing. I like to rewatch movies, you catch things the next time around you didn't the time before.

I also frivolously got my nails done today, because I am oh-so-shallow betimes. They look pretty. Pretty pretty.

Sometimes it is nice to do something for yourself.

When I was younger I suffered from bulimia and then later anorexia nervosa. The thing with eating disorders is that they are truly illnesses. They don't just go away and it is easy to get sick again. I am trying not to. But sometimes I just...

Because we all LOVE name genorators!

Mister T Name Generator My name is "Fool"

Oz Prison Bitch Name Generator My name is "Sweet Lips"

Superhero/Villain Generator
Psychicj@k (Psychic-j@k)
Power(s): Juggling
Source of powers: Extra-terrestrial chemical mutant
Weapon: Psychic Tentacles
Transportation: Skatesj@k

Fantasy Name Generator My name is: "Galovia"

Hobbit Name Generator My name is: "Sweetpea Hamwich of Buckleberry Fern"

African Name Generator My name is "Zaghawa"

US Name Generator My name is "Valerie Shelton"

Evangelist Name Generator My name is "Pastor S. Rich Winkey, II"

Jedi Name Generator "You are MCEGR SOSTR of the planet Toradol!"

Rock Star Name Generator
My Alternative name is: Lush Van Ripp
My Blues name is: Bertha Earl Hatters
My Classical name is Vee Ola
My Country name is Reanne Limes
My Electronic name is Deep House Debbie
My Hip Hop name is Shady Lady
My Jazz name is Trudy Roof
My Metal name is Angel Morose
My Pop Rock name is Katie Racket
My World Music name is Ital Misty

White Lesbian Name Generator I'm "Powerful WilyCrone"

I am a testaholic.

What kind of Gorrila are you? - I am most like Ivan.

Do You Make Enough Time For Yourself? - I am Striving for Balance.

What's Keeping You Awake? - My list included Sleep Apnea, Insomnia, Narcolepsy, Periodic Limb Movement Disorder, and Restless Legs Syndrome. The narcolepsy bit surprises me completely, the others not so much.

The College Personality Quiz
- Learning style: You scored in between
- College orientation: General education
- Academic/social balance: Balanced
- Affection for knowledge: Strong
- Basic academic skills: Solid
- Social Consciousness: Individually focused
- Independence: Self-sufficient
- Self-understanding: Less aware
- School enthusiasm: You scored in between
- Eagerness for college: Eager
(I am wondering what my score on this would be several years ago when I was on the brink of going. Hmm.)

Enough for now. More later. Ta.

A friend in need's a friend indeed
A friend with weed is better
A friend with breasts and all the rest
A friend who’s dressed in leather

A friend in need's a friend indeed
A friend who’ll tease is better
Our thoughts compressed
Which makes us blessed
And makes for stormy weather
Placebo, Pure Morning

Please pity me. My rockstar boyfriend is Brian Molko.

I worked from 3 am to 3:30 pm last Saturday, and get to work 7 am to 7 pm last Sunday. I haven't slept much the past while. It is taking its toll. This weekend I work Midnight Friday to noon Saturday, and 11 am Sunday morning to 11 pm. In between I go out with my sister in law for her birthday. Weeeeee

Somebody shoot me.

He lay back in the long dark grass and closed his eyes. It was getting colder. Winter is coming, the breeze around him seemed to whisper.

He was still and silent, thinking about things, mostly worrying. Footfalls on the soft green carpet. He sensed someone near. His eyes remained closed. He didn't need to look. He knew who it was. The presence spoke.

Darling...the voice trembled. From the cold, or distress? Probably both. What are you doing?

Breathing deeply, in and out. Counting the stars he still saw with closed eyes.

Darling? Inquisitive. Perhaps pleading? Yes, he recognized the tone. The presence crouched nearer. Are you ok? These things that I am fighting, that I am worrying over...in the grand scheme...they are nothing. Don't fret about it. Okay? Please.

Soft sigh. He willed his patience to stick around a little longer. Eyes opened and stared into the night sky. Stars were falling. He was falling. Into what? He didn't know. Change of focus. There she was, to the right of him. He stared back up into the sky. The occasional star was still falling.

She looked up as well, and spoke again. You see the stars? The universe out there is so very vast. Our troubles are minute. We are but specks of sand.

He paused. Not so. Not so at all. They are just...different. To something yet bigger, the stars themselves are specks.

Her turn to sigh. She lay down too, not touching him, just near. The two stared up into the dark blue forever, stars punching holes into the sky, letting in light. Sparkling. Some still falling, going out. Winking at them. A few minutes of silence, and then...

You see them falling? From his peripheral vision he noted her nodding, yes. If I am right, if those stars are specks to something greater...if even those amazing stars can burn out...

She held her breath and waited. He slowly sat up, still looking at the sky. He cleared his throat. We are all shining and important to someone. We are not so insignificant as you say. We matter. We all shine in different ways. And some of us...tire of that shining. We burn out. We fall.

She too sat up now, concerned. Darling, I --

He held up his hand, motioning for her to be silent. We count. Even if only to the specks of dust that see us as the vast universe. We are significant. He stood up. He paused, ran a hand through his hair. He looked up again, gesturing at the sky. These stars...they have a universe of darkness to fight against. Yet they still shine on. Even as they fall, they burn bright to the very last. We should do well to take our lesson from the stars.

He turned to her. She was staring at nothing, listening intently. His voice softened a little. These worries of yours, these trials you must overcome - they are significant. They matter. They are like the darkness we each fight against, every day. We shine on, regardless. It is just a matter of choosing how long we wish to give out light. He focused on her. She was looking up at him, overwhelmed. His voice lowered to almost a whisper.

If even things as amazing as stars burn out sometimes, is it any surprise that we can, too? And you wonder why I worry about you. You are no less important than the stars. You dazzle so many people, and yet you shine on, oblivious. Just like a star. So if you were to burn out...it would matter. You are important. You are so much more important than you realize. We all are.

She stared at him in quiet awe. He was right. And then, she smiled, and bravely chose to shine on.


------------

This story is fiction. This story is also true. No matter how insignificant we may feel, we affect a multitude of things and people in so many ways. Nothing is trivial. We are important. We are loved.

We matter.

We will match your capacity to inflict suffering with our capacity to endure suffering. We will meet your physical force with Soul Force. We will not hate you, but we cannot in all good conscience obey your unjust laws. But we will soon wear you down with our capacity to suffer. And in winning our freedom we will so appeal to your heart and conscience that we will win yours in the process.
-Martin Luther King, Jr

I weep for America. I weep for Afghanistan. Innocent lives are in the balance here. I hope our leaders choose wisely. No more blood. An eye for an eye is NOT a good motto.

I just want to feel safe in my own skin,
I just want to be happy again
I just want to feel deep in my own world

But I'm so lonely I don't even want to be with myself anymore

On a different day,
If I was safe in my own skin,
Then I wouldn't be lost and so frightened
But this is today and I'm lost in my own skin

And I'm so lonely I don't even want to be with myself anymore
I just want to feel safe in my own skin
I just want to be happy again
Dido, Honestly OK

i can't let you be
cause your beauty won't allow me
wrapped in white sheets
like an angel from a bedtime story
shut out what they say
cause your friends are fucked up anyway
and when they come around
somehow they feel up and you feel down

when we were kids
we hated things our parents did
we listened low
to casey kasem's radio show
that's when friends were nice
to think of them just makes you feel nice
the smell of grass in spring
and october leaves cover everything

have you forgotten how to love yourself?

i can't believe all the good things that you do for me
sat back in a chair
like a princess from a faraway place
nobody's nice
when you're older your heart turns to ice
and shut out what they say
they're too dumb to mean it anyway

when we were kids
we hated things our sisters did
backyard summer pools
and christmases were beautiful
and the sentiment
of coloured mirrored ornaments
and the open drapes
look out on frozen farmhouse landscapes

have you forgotten how to love yourself?
Red House Painters, Have You Forgotten?

Sometimes I ache and ache for no reason at all.

I think I need a vacation.

 do you have an opinion?
a mind of your own?
i thought you were special
i thought you should know
but i've run out of patience
i couldn't care less
Garbage, Special

I was Shirley Manson in a past life. I bet you are all jealous.

[refer to song quote below. nyah.]

Same day, much much later.

I HOPE YOU GUYS ARE HAPPY.

I'ma go to bed now.

dont' get your back up over this
if i'm so wrong and you're so right
you really got your mind made up i guess
won't you let me get some sleep tonight?
Sarah Harmer, Don't Get Your Back Up

I've been getting flack from both S and M to "freakin update the page already!" So I am going to do so. Today. I PROMISE.

ciao