My heart is in a million tiny pieces. I took Missy to the vet this morning - she had gotten worse overnight. Her breathing was very labored, her tongue sticking out and she was drooling like mad. He wanted to start her on a puffer, I said I am not going to torture my cat twice a day by sticking that thing on her face, especially if you can't guarantee it will help - she wasn't even getting a little better on the regular medicine, in fact she got worse. If it really were 'cat asthma' she'd have shown just a bit of improvement, not worse symptoms. I couldn't let her live like that so I made the decision, even though it just crushed me to do it.

Now I'm trying to sort out what I'm going to tell my kids. I don't think they're going to like me very much for not letting them say goodbye.

Adding to the pot of sorrows is finding out my mom has about 70% chance she has breast cancer, and my friend died of ovarian cancer yesterday. Still haven't heard from my neurologist either.

I feel like shit and my head hurts from crying and I really really hate my life right now. I think if one more bad thing happens I'm going to scream.

Every atom in your body came from a star that exploded. And, the atoms in your left hand probably came from a different star than your right hand. It really is the most poetic thing I know about physics: You are all stardust. You couldn’t be here if stars hadn’t exploded, because the elements - the carbon, nitrogen, oxygen, iron, all the things that matter for evolution and for life - weren’t created at the beginning of time. They were created in the nuclear furnaces of stars, and the only way for them to get into your body is if those stars were kind enough to explode. So, forget Jesus. The stars died so that you could be here today.

- Lawrence M. Krauss, Theoretical Physicist.

While Hey, I still believe in old man Jesus, I think he points out something very poignant and beautiful - we are all stardust. Regardless of the Son of God or any of that (believing in physics does not mean that I cannot believe in an intelligent creator), the point is, we are all stardust, and that makes me feel kind of wonderful and significant. More than any bible verse has, in a very long time. I guess I'm going to hell now. Oh well.

Daniel Aguiar

1938-2011

AGUIAR, Daniel Medeiros … passed away peacefully at the Cambridge Memorial Hospital on Monday, July 18th 2011 at the age of 72. Husband of Donna. Loving father of Adrian (Michelle), Manny (Cassie), Steve (Isabelle) and Chris (Samantha). Cherished grandfather of Alexandra, Dylan, Madison, Dustin, Kyle, Julia, Kaitlyn, Hailey, Seth and Tyson. Family will receive friends at Corbett Funeral Home, 95 Dundas Street, Cambridge, on Tuesday, July 19th from 7-9 p.m. Rosary prayers at 8 p.m. A Mass of Christian Burial will take place on Wednesday, July 20th at Our Lady of Fatima Roman Catholic Church at 10 a.m. Cremation to follow.

So much has happened since my last post. I guess I'll just do the perfunctory "Hey it is hot as heck out there and I am tired and that's that."

Real post to come soon.

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