A lady I have known for a long time, went to high school with, our kids go to the same school, died last night. They don't know why and she didn't have any previous health concerns.

I have spent the better part of the evening trying to absorb this news. I keep teetering between crying and that empty feeling you get when this sort of thing happens.

What is just shattering to me is that she is leaving behind a 10 year old, a 6 year old, and a toddler. This was a gentle soul and a person who is very loved.

I don't know what else to say.

Silencing all the songbirds, and setting the alleys ringing...

So I have a really old song in my head because I was watching "Emma" last night (the one with Gwyneth Paltrow in it) and now I have that song she sings with Ewan McGregor stuck in my head.

Anyway.

Today was one of those days where you spend a half hour in the bathroom stall crying because you are stressed and tired and cannot deal with one more thing, period, nevermind a plethora of things.

Sad to say, I really did this.

After work I came home and took a bath and slept forever. Now I'm awake and in pain and wishing I could go back to sleep. And the pain isn't the kind you can ignore. So here I sit ready to post my complaints.

Except I won't. I'm empty and exhausted and burning the candle at not only the ends but the middle, too. Did I mention hurty? Yes. Very hurty.

Ok time to try and rest again.

So uh, happy new year I guess. Life has been crazy, what else is new right?

You know those moments you have, where you haven't seen or spoken to someone in a great long while, and there is just too much to say so you just sit there and say nothing? That's sort of how I feel about this blog right now.

So I'll just type random things.

How sad is it that John Travolta's son died? Seriously, the news was a bit jarring. I can't even imagine what that family must be feeling right now.

Ok I've been staring blankly at the screen for a full minute. Clearly today is not the day for me to type anything.

Christmas is looming closer by the minute and I feel too ill-prepared for it this year. I am hoping for something low-key but I know better - it won't happen.

My only wish is to be able to stay in my pajamas all day for Christmas, lounging around and eating nothing things and maybe napping, but as we are somehow hosting it this year for the hubby's side, I don't think it will happen. S says I should just stay in my pajamas anyway, which is very, very tempting.

The kids are very excited about Christmas but also bummed out because my parents will be in Mexico for it this year. Oh well. My dad is coming to visit next week for a few days then going back to be with my mom, and that will have to suffice for now.

I'm back at work on my regular hours but the shift has gone from 10-3 to 12-5, to accommodate the higher volumes that occur in the afternoon. Our building serves the company nationally so we are open from 8 am to 8 pm EST. I don't mind the noon to five as it allows me to be kind of sluggish in the morning, but then I'm rushed in the evening to get supper and homework and all those other things done. Work is exhausting me as well, but I'd rather be there than be at home having a boo-hoo pity party. I am the type that needs to feel like they are contributing, you know?

Ok I'm off to get ready for work. Hope everyone is doing well.

I've been a terrible journaller, but to be honest I've been saving up my energy for everyday life, and it leaves little left for this kind of self-indulgence. Fear not, citizens, I am alive. Not well and not whole but alive, and that is something to be thankful for.

At my doctor's behest, I've started to see a psychologist, to sort out all my current frustration and stress. I've been to a few sessions and it's going ok I guess. I have issues with the whole therapy thing but this person seems to not play any of the typical games and is genuinely trying to help me. She also thinks its ludicrous that I've been put on all sorts of pain killers and whatnot because while it is helping yes it is also not helping in that it is not treating the root cause. She's also concerned about my family doctor's laisse-faire attitude about my health these days. There's more, so much more to this, but I really don't feel like blathering on about it here.

The snow has finally hit here and it was like one day there was nothing and then suddenly the ground was covered in white. Welcome to Canada, right? Doesn't mean I have to like it. My parents have already emailed me to gloat about their lovely Mexican weather. If I could afford the holiday (both monetarily and physically) I'd be on the next plane to visit them.

With snow comes thoughts of Christmas. It's going to be a weird time without my parents around this year but I'm sure it'll be fine. I've somehow managed to get finagled into hosting Christmas Day at my house - I have zero energy for this but S has already said he'd do what he could and that we don't have to make it a huge thing and fuck his family if they don't like it, and he thinks they'll understand either way, but again if they don't too bad. I can't even begin to tell you how much it means to me to have this man in my corner. He is my rock, my safe harbor in a storm.

I've been knitting up a storm as well - not much else to do when my mobility is limited and I get tired so very easily. I have to put the projects down often, but it's good to know they are there and within reach and portable and easy. When my mom came down during thanksgiving she yoinked a bunch of my yarn, and while at the time I didn't mind, the yarn she took was stuff I actually had in mind for use of making things. Ah well, it's only stuff, and I can get more whenever.

I've been fighting off this hell of a wicked sinus infection (at least I think it is- it's been 3 weeks of pressure and pain in my face and ears - unless it's part of the Super Mystery Science Theater Disease From Hell).

Ok, time to go back to watching more Six Feet Under (a.k.a. Gay Dexter as S calls it) and maybe take a nap before the kids get home from school. Cheers.

So I can't remember if I posted this already, but my brother and his fiancee are due on April 5. Well guess what?


They're having TWO babies!


This is the happiest news I've heard in a long, long time. I am simultaneously excited and afraid for them.

I'm still processing this - I can't even imagine how they are feeling.

Wow. WOW. Wow is all I can keep saying.

Feist on Sesame Street!



The orange singing Carmen. I remember watching this when I was a kid and stop motion animation was the cat's pajamas. haha.

Holy Snapping Duck Do! I just opened mine eyes, and lo! I have not updated this since long before Shakespeare wast a boy... You would not believe how heavy that rock really is. But I'm sorry you'll just have to take my word for it..

I am totally exhausted with discovering time doesn't stand still, watching Dexter, just generally being a hindrance to society in general, my day is passing in a blur from crawling out of bed at 6.30 to 11pm at which point I fall asleep on the couch. I am looking at rectifying this. life happens.

I won't promise anything to you but I will write something that makes sense soon. Well, I'll try. This is for my ever faithful, devoted public..

generated from Lazy Bloggers Post thingie

Still breathing, sort of. Life threw me a curveball when I tried to pretend that I was totally healthy again and I ended up getting driven home from work by my boss and then my husband literally had to drag me in the house and I collapsed on the couch because I couldn't walk - it was like I was drunk - and my legs wouldn't move the way I needed them to.

Doctor is of course no help as he is all "we've done xyz testing, I don't know what else to say" and "try gravol for that vertigo" and "I don't know how to fix the ear ringing or the arms feeling like lead weights". Awesome possum. Yay for socialized medicine and a lack of available doctors (thus negating any efforts to find a new one).

Ok back to bed. Just a small update - I'm using twitter more than anything else because basically it's only 140 characters and takes very little effort to update.

How is everyone reading this? Hope all is well. Love to all.

In a world where movie voiceovers are awesome, one man dies and can voiceover no more.

RIP Don Lafontaine. You made listening to trailers fun.

(I realize this was yesterday's news, but I'm only catching up now.)

First day of school was great, but I feel terrible, but it was good, and I'll write about it later.

Fell asleep on the couch watching Reservoir Dogs. Woke up with pain, no surprise there, but also woke up from a really creepy dream wherein my mother was staying at our house and she shaved the cat and cut its tail off "because I was afraid it had fleas" even though she had a flea collar on and I had just given her a bath. She also rearranged my house with the help of my hubby. At one point I looked out the upstairs bathroom window and he had built a canopy above our front porch. The neighbor across the street suddenly had 6 dogs and they all went under this canopy because it had started to storm. The storm caused a fuss inside our house as well and everything was dark but I could see in the dark. Someone kept asking me to turn the television on and change it to channel 513. No matter what I did I couldn't get that exact channel - sometimes I would be wayyy off and sometimes only off by a number.

Messed. UP.

Did I mention that two days after losing a tooth, K lost another one? Literally two days later, the tooth on the opposite side of his mouth so he has matching gaping holes. I guess his development is all about symmetry. Funny thing, he literally *lost* the tooth - we can't find it anywhere! He was carrying it around rather than putting it in his tooth fairy pillow. He was pretty morose about it and in the end we decided it would be ok if he wrote her a letter. So his letter was pretty fun. "Dear Tooth fairy, please still come to my house even though I lost my stupid tooth. I promise to brush my teeth and be good. PS I promise not to try and fool you when I finally do find the tooth and try and get more money from you. PINKY SWEAR!" Pinky swears are a big deal in our house - it's like a super duper promise. If you break a pinky swear, WATCH OUT. The tooth fairy left him his toonie and some stickers. All was well.

C's molars are starting to bug her, which means those will be coming out shortly. She also grew wayyy too quickly - size 8-1/2 shoe - ladies! She's in petite women's clothing as well, because she's too tall for the girls' clothes. But her waist is in that weird in between thing, so sizing her is becoming an issue. She's also going through this sappy, drowning-in-hormones thing and I even caught her listening to Depeche Mode the other day which just tickled my funny bone - she's my daughter all right.

K says he needs a CD player in his room now so that when she is listening to her "boring wa wa music, mom, I swear to God she is trying to drown me in it" he can belt out "SABOTAGE!" because he seriously just loves Beastie Boys to bits. Again, totally my kid. S hates the Beastie Boys.

Ok, time to get some tea in me, shake off that really weird dream, and mentally prepare myself for another day of work. It's the busiest week of the year this week - you'd be surprised how many people buy homes or refinance the week before school starts. Also it's freezing outside. So much for summer!