SO and I have been cleaning out the house - garage, basement - preparing for winter and mostly wanting the basement empty so that we can start working on a rec room and a space for me and my eleventy bajillion projects.

In doing so we have upset a lot of spiders, and uncovered a lot of dust. I feel like I've got the black lung, if that gives you a better picture. I unearthed a box full of old notes and letters. Let me tell you, I am amazed that I absorbed ANYTHING in high school, as most of these notes were written back and forth in classes. What is amazing about this is, it's like I've found a missing part of my brain. I can read it and not only remember exactly what was being discussed in the notes, but I can remember the day we wrote them, whose handwriting belongs to who - it's amazing.

I also however must admit that there are some notes with cryptic references that no amount of memory-jogging will dislodge the answer. These notes have amused the hell out of SO as well - he keeps teasing me about "Who is A? And what are they talking about when they talk about you and J? And I didn't know you had a crush on so and so!". My own fault I suppose, I've taken to reading the funnier parts out loud. He said I should just fictionalize them somehow & turn it into a book.

For whatever amount of junk we've managed to give away or put in the trash, I cannot bring myself to let these scraps of memory go. So now I have to come up with a viable solution to store them & preserve my thoughts. Binder, perhaps? I'm not sure. It's a big fucking box.

Time to go putter around with site designs (not for me, I am really loving this red gig).

Am I the only packrat? Or are there others out there with boxes of notes and old diaries?

So my fatherinlaw (who I will now call FIL) decided to have a tequila party while his wife is in Nfld. He invited a bunch of us over. Around mid-day he comes pulling up to our drive while SO was working on cleaning out the garage. "Boy I need you to come grocery shopping". But SO was busy so FIL took me. Good thing too; the man does not know his way around grocery stores to save his life. I also got him to a dollar store to get plastic shotglasses.

Then I went over to their house and helped him chop up a bajillion veggies and things for the Mexican feast he was serving with the boozery. SO and the kids came over shortly after and there were a bunch of other friends there as well. When planning this he asked me what kind of tequila to get, I told him Jose Cuervo never let me down, but it has to be gold. He didn't even know tequila was available in a color other than clear. Last night he was converted over, as were a few of his friends.

A good time was had by all and the kids even had a ball as FIL's friend brought over his two kids and they all had a sleepover type thing going on.

Was yours truly drunk? Not hardly. I can handle my booze and besides I didn't really start drinking until the kids were in bed. Plus I was in hostess mode - cleaning up the food when everyone was done, etc etc. Woke up with nary a hangover, to which SO was amazed. "How did you do it? You drank just as much as so-and-so's girl and she was a trainwreck." I'm Portuguese, man. We are practically bottle-fed alcohol; we can hold our own. Sure there was a point shortly after I had the kids where smelling booze would make me dizzy, but those days are over, baby. To which he laughed.

We also had an exchange on his Dad's front porch last night - nothing like an argument, I mean a conversation. You know, with words? And we were talking about high school and that one person you were seeing/dating that will likely always be "the one that got away" and I said "yeah, but if you had an opportunity to get together with x again right now, would you take it?" and he looked at me quite earnestly and said "G, I wouldn't trade you for anything. Nothing is worth losing you." He asked me if I remembered his toast at our wedding, I said yes. He said he realized he wasn't eloquent or poetic or anything, but he meant it. I told him brevity did not necessarily equal lack of poetry, and that I was glad he meant it, and means it still.

What he said was this. "To G, once my secret crush, then my best friend, and now my loving wife. Thank you for making me happier than I could ever imagine. I love you."

Anyway, a good time was had by all and we were silly and had fun. Below is photographic evidence of said silliness. A photo of ME & I being dorks for the camera.

"I try to believe," she said, "that God doesn't give you more than one little piece of the story at once. You know, the story of your life. Otherwise your heart would crack wider than you could handle. He only cracks it enough so you can still walk, like someone wearing a cast. But you've still got a crack running up your side, big enough for a sapling to grow out of. Only no one sees it. Nobody sees it. Everybody thinks you're one whole piece, and so they treat you maybe not so gentle as they would if they could see that crack."

Rebecca Wells, Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood

Mischief is home now & all crankypants at us, for not only taking her to the vet to get operated on but also for dropping her off at my parents' house for the weekend so we could go have fun outside - and her most favoritest place to be these days is outside. Putting her under house arrest for the next few weeks should be interesting - she's already started to complain. I feel terrible for the poor girl - being spayed is tough enough, but her poor little paws. Awww man. SO says I'm a sucker and it's for the best and bla bla bla.

So we packed up the kids and went camping for the weekend. Somewhere along the line we managed to spend the better part of our days in the swimming pool there. As a result my upper back and shoulders are now a FIREY MANTLE OF DOOM!

But we had fun and I feel sleepy. Probalby from the sunburn. I haven't had a sunburn literally in over 20 years. DAMN YOU BALL OF FIRE!

Now I'm going to rub aloe all over myself and bask in self-pity aka lie stomach-down on the bed and fill in word puzzles. I love logic puzzles by the by and am trying to find a book full of them. Any leads?

Still too tired to think, yet somehow I managed to revamp the blog. That's the way my mind operates, I guess.

My birthday - so I went to the spa on the day of and got legs waxified and etc. It was all good and not painful at all in spite of what most thought would happen it was no worse than getting a tattoo done.

I got to take a nap on that day too which was marvellous and needed to chase away the blues that were lurking underneath the surface.

The weekend was all planned for me. SO & our friends ME &JG took me to Toronto. There I was taken to Fionn McCools for brunch - delicious! We checked in to our hotel & then walked around King for a while. Then I was given the credit card & several hours of fun at the Eaton Centre, hurrah! We had a late lunch there & then walked back to our rooms, got ready for dinner. Dinner reservations were made for 9 pm at 360 in the CN Tower. We were dorks and got dressed up because what the hell, right? It's my 30th damnit & SO knows I hella love men in suits.

Because we were dorky & dressed up, we did not have to wait in a single line. Literally it was red carpet treatment and no waiting for our table or anything. We were seated by the window & got a magnificent view of the city all lit up at night. The dinner was superb as was the company.

The next day we spent a good portion of it at IKEA - Have I ever mentioned that I love IKEA? It's true. Then we came home & I snuck in another nap.

All in all, it was the best birthday ever, and I'm only really giving a bare bones account of the events, but trust me - it was. The best.

Mischief got taken in to the vet today to get declawed & spayed. I lost the "let's not declaw the kitty" battle - outvoted 3 to 1 in favor of it. Now I keep thinking of her while it's all stormy out and thinking the poor thing just got gutted and now she has to spend a night alone at the vet's in stormy weather. The poor dear.

Ok time to go to bed I guess - if I can get sleep I don't know but I'm going to try.

I can't even begin to describe my weekend just yet. It was probably the best birthday I've ever had though. I'll update more later. Right now sleepy tired xzzzzzzzzz.

On the occasion of my son's sixth birthday, he had asked me if I had ever been six. I said of course I had. He asked me if I rode dinosaurs to school back then. I said no, that was my mother; go ask her.

Later, having a brief discussion with a friend resulted in their asking if I ever told my kids about my childhood. I had said no. There is too much sadness mixed into all of that.

Today, as I celebrate my 30th year on this messed up ball of chaos, These snatches of conversation come to mind. I made a promise. I am going to try, for both of us.

One of my most favorite childhood memories involved a silly game we used to play when we'd sleep over at our cousin's house in the summertime. The game was called "Let's discover morning!" and the rules were simple: you had to stay awake until dawn, and be the first person to see the sun peeping out at you from the horizon.

Being that the key participants were 9 (my cousin), 6 (me), and 5 (my brother) at the time, this was a pretty amazing feat, which usually ended up with one of our moms at some point come barreling down the hall to ask what the hell the racket was about, and it was 2 in the god-damned morning, and you'd better believe I'll tan your hide if I hear another peep from you.

It never stopped us from our mission. We would play games to keep each other awake in the dark. Mostly alphabet or memory type games like, "I went on vacation and packed in my suitcase an apple" and the next kid would say "an apple, and a bear" and so forth. But sometimes it would be games like "oh my gosh what was that noise? Was it a ghost? It was a ghost! Quick turn the flashlight on!"

I was the one that usually made it to morning, and won the game. Even then, sleep and I had negotiation issues. But this one morning in particular shines out to me. My cousin was fast asleep in her sleeping bag on the floor, and my lids were getting heavy for once. My brother was leaning up against the window, facing my own head leaning against the window. His lids were heavy as well and suddenly they went wide.

"G! G I did it! Wake up G! I discovered morning!"

His eyes lit up brighter than a thousand suns. The secret was, in the end it was still I who had discovered morning; I had seen it for the wonder it could be, reflected perfectly in my little brother's eyes.

And it's moments like this that I wish for my son and for my daughter. Because it's moments like this that take the simple and turn it into something so much more.

And it is this that is my own birthday gift to myself; to set aside the mantle of a million little sorrows for just this once, and to remember what it was to be six and alive.

So I took Thursday & Friday off, considering Thursday is my birthday and what the hell, why not Friday too?

For Thursday I am going to celebrate getting old by going to a spa and paying someone to torture me by waxing. Don't try to stop me!

Then on the weekend we are doing something SUPERSEKRIT aka probably something in Toronto. SO has planned a weekend getaway of sorts and I am not supposed to know anything but I have my suspicions, which are usually correct.

The kids got me those croc shoe thingers, in an Army print. They aren't the real deal, just some GT knockoffs, but the kids were so proud because of the print on them knowing I have a soft spot for camoflauge & animal print. Since they don't make animal print crocs I got accosted with camo ones.

They changed my shift @ work for the summer, I now work 11 to 4pm, which is still good but a little weird to get used to. Going in to work when it's almost noon is a bit strange, but I'll get over it. The afternoon does go quicker as it's busier then (thus the shifting of my time frame). It will go back to normal come September so I can still take the kidlets to and from their place of education. Hurrah!

So yeah. Um. I have nothing else to report. Just wanted to jot down a little update.

Give your dog a phone, this old man came bowling home. This old man, he played three, he played knick, knack on my tree...

K's been singing his own version of "This Old Man" all morning. Pretty much since 6:30 when he popped out into the hallway and announced, "It's my birthday today! Happy my birthday, Mommy!" And I said yes, and happy birthday old man. And that's when he started singing.

I'm waiting for bacon to thaw to make him his choice of birthday breakfastness. Pancakes and bacon. No joke. He likes it when I cut a heart into his pancakes.

Now he's singing a made-up song called "I loooove you Mom, I looove you Mom, Mom I waaant breeeakfast, I looove you Mom."

I still remember the day he was born with such clarity it's a little frightening. Most memories are a mix of clear & foggy wherein I have most of the details correct but when I try to summon up images in my mind, I fall short. But the birth days of my children I remember as if it were happening just now. For K, I remember right down to when my water broke at 3:13 pm (I know this because I glanced at the clock). Whereas C's birth was filled with anxiety and uncertainty, K's was more... calm I guess. Although I assure you, the doctor was not so calm when the blood was soaking through the mattress and to the floor and he was trying to keep me alive after the birth.

What I mean to say is, the water broke, and instead of flying into a panic I calmly got up, starting preparing things, called SO at work, called a few other people while waiting for SO. SO took us there, stopping at a grocer first to get a sandwich, some magazines, a book. We got there and while yes, I was pretty god damned noisy during the birth and yes, there was one part where I was actually in and out of a daze and saying some pretty amusing things - it was still calm.

In any case... today is my baby boy's 6th birthday. He is like this burst of sunshine and enthusiasm about this world that just shatters me sometimes. His sincerity and capacity for love just makes me want to hug him to bits.

The bacon's ready. But before I go I want to remember this:

Little boy, sitting in a sunbeam, having little dramas with his dinosaurs, and humming little made up songs. Long lashes, deep brown eyes, whisp of a smile, tiny body that will one day grow into man and no longer need me. But today, still mine. I love you K. Happy Birthday.

Fasten your seatbelts, this is going to be a long ride.

Last week my computer went kablooie, likely from all the mini-outages that this town has been experiencing lately. The power supply went poof. SO was kind enough to call his friend to come fix it, but he couldn't come until Sunday.

Saturday we took K & C and K's friend T to the Children's Museum, as a special birthday treat for K. K's actual birthday isn't until the 21st but he really wanted to do something with T so we compromised and made plans for the weekend before. They had a blast at the museum and then we went to East Side Mario's for lunch, because that's K's favorite place to eat. The boys split a few loaves of garlic bread between them, drank more than SO and I and C combined, and had little chicken nugget wars with their nugget buddies (the nuggets were shaped like different things - planes, dinosaurs, animals, etc). T got K a cool Lord of the Rings game that you plug into the television and you get to swing an actual (plastic) sword while sensors go off and "hit" the monsters. T's mom (my friend who writes a bag of hammers) made him a t-shirt with the saying "The Precious Made Me Do It" on it which K thought was pretty darn cool. So all in all a great day was had by all.

BUT! My Saturday was not finished! I managed to sneak in a nap Saturday afternoon, and got woken up by my in-laws' calling wanting to take the kids to a movie. So they took the kids. SO & I spent some quality time together and then the phone rang - ME calling telling me she and JG got in a huge fight, and would I come over so she could vent? I said sure, got SO to drop me off. But on the way there something wasn't adding up - if they'd got in a fight, JG would surely have called SO... SO shrugged it off and said ME probably just beat him to it.

I got to ME's house, came in and she said "You know what, I'm such an ass" and I said "Why?" and she said "Come on in I'll tell you why" and guess what??!?! She had a spa night arranged! She had a lady come from Orchard Valley Spa come and give me a manicure and painted my toes and I got a foot soak and the whole nine yards. They also surprised me with hair dye and dyed my hair. (It is a mark of how well ME knows me that she knew exactly what color to pick.)

All of our mutual friends were there as well, some of my favorite treats were waiting and I was basically spoiled all night. It was a lovely surprise and it truly was a surprise - something that is difficult to pull on me as I'm pretty quick on the draw. ME & LS planned the whole thing and SO was in on it - he said he was a wreck by the end of the week as was the kids' babysitter (she knew too) because they had to interact with me every day and couldn't say anything.

They had bought me a new pair of pj pants - pink with little green frogs all over it. We also each had a t-shirt made, mine of course saying "young 29" on the front and "30 - old hag" on the back. the t-shirt had a double-duty as it prevented me from ruining the shirt I wore over with hair dye. They also made me a penis vodka jello mold with candles in it instead of the traditional birthday cake. Photos may or may not have been taken of me blowing them out. It's a bit of a blur.

I didn't get home until 2 am, ME came along as sure enough JG was at our house playing Bacci with SO. ME & JG went home shortly after and I was so wound up I didn't end up falling asleep until 4 am. THe kids came home around 9 and we spent most of our Sunday just lazing about.

All in all it was a terrific weekend and I'm so very glad for it.

SO took the kids to the beach today, and they came home all brown and sunkissed. While momma is pale as pale can be. I keep trying to tell them skin cancer is no longer hip but nobody will listen. haha.

Ok time to go soak in a tub I think.

I dreamed it started to snow (yes in July) and the car got stolen, and I had to herd the kids out of this decrepit building. And there was a man there trying to help me but actually hindering me. The man had a sinister reason for this - but I can't remember what it was.

I just remember it snowing and I was wearing a long black coat and gloves and I thought it was perfectly natural to be snowing, and it was the quiet kind of snowfall you get in winter. When the air is still and you scarce want to move because the silence is so beautiful you don't want to ruin it with even your breath.

And that suddenly it was chaos around me and trying to hold onto my kids and their coats and a bag and all sorts of nonsense, trying to get through a crowded corridor full of junk and this man pulling me back trying to get me to go another way when I knew damn well there was no other way.

And I finally got out and the car was gone and the police had yellow tape all over the place and they asked me to "come here ma'am, we need to ask you a few questions" and then I woke up.

Penicillin does that to me I guess.

(Why penicillin you ask? Because old man Strep came knocking at my door, and my poor tonsils were suckers and let him in again).

So I ended up missing work on Friday due to the sore throaty ouchiness and the not getting any sleep worrying about the cat and the migraine from hell. The nice doctors at the hospital patched me up though & all was well.

Thursday night was good as I always enjoy T's company & it had been a great long while since we'd last got together for anything. I think the last time I even saw him was when my sis-in-law's ex committed suicide, which was over a year ago now.

We went to Pazzo and I held fast to my self-made promise of drinking only from martini or margarita glasses (whether it be alcohol or not) and ordered a few Parisiennes. Damn, son. They were tasty. The pizza was also good but as usual I couldn't finish mine. The conversation was better and I find I could likely never be full up in that matter.

We ended up talking back at my house until I don't know, 10 or so? (And 15 minutes after he left little Mischief made her great adventure of derring-do by manipulating the screen on the kitchen window with her little paws and squeezing out while I was changing laundry. Now you see her nowyou don't. I felt her abscence before I actually observed it. I've already chronicled my feelings on the matter and she's back now, so no more re-hashing of that). I felt sort of bad for taking up all of his time as he'd had an appointment elsewhere but he ended up rescheduling it.

It is no great secret that the rest of her family regrets her ever parting company with T. I am sure part of her also regrets the events but what is done is done, and there is no sense discussing that any further, but sure as sure can be, she also has no issue with my remaining friends with him. We are all adults here and besides, it's nice to have male friends because there are times when you just want the male perspective on things.

Since I know I'll get an email about it, there is no hanky-panky going on here, and yes I am perfectly aware that it is probably seen as very weird to still remain friends with one of your sister-in-law's ex-boyfriends. The only opinion in this matter that means anything to me is SO's, and he's cool, so I'm cool. We cool? Cool.

I'm half-way done another Jayne hat, and have requests for another after that. My next project is from knitty.com, and I'm pretty excited about it... just need to purchase the yarn really. Knitting on the round is awesome and hooray!

SO just informed me we are going to Red Lobster tonight - hurrah! I love Red Lobster. We almost never go because SO hates most seafood. ME suggested it and JG has never gone, and ME knows I love it so she pestered JG to convince SO to take me & the kids along as well. So yay! This day just gets better & better.

We found her! She was skittish as all get out but we managed to entice her with beefy soft kittie food.

To celebrate, we took her to the vet for a lukemia booster & to reschedule her appointment to get fixed (was supposed to be first thing this morning - no such luck)

She's not very happy with us over the booster shot but she's safe. Now we wait a day or so to see if she got attacked - it can take up to 48 hrs for effects of cat scratches or bites to show sometimes.

The vet lauded her as very clever, since she's only 7 months old and managed to find a way out of the house on her own and find her way back without getting attacked by a raccoon or anything (there's a bevvy of the fuckers in my area).

so Hooray! And thanks for the advice/well wishes sent to me over previous post.

Still not sure about the butter on her paws bit, what's that do?

Will give better entry for yesterday's other events later. Ciao.

A perfectly lovely evening ended in tragedy when I noted shortly after my guest left that the cat had managed to escape out the back window.

I looked for 2 hours for the thing and couldn't find her, then came home and cried. Then I called the OSPCA which referred me to call the police after hours. They added mischief to the long long list of lost pets.

My heart is just broken into a million little pieces, and this is just the gods laughing in my face because only just a few hours ago I was being all clever and sarcastic saying "it's only a cat, bla bla bla" but the truth is - I loved that little furball. I have no idea what I'm going to tell the kids tomorrow.



Please come home, Missy, you brokeded my heart.

Ta-da! I finished the Jayne hat a while ago but never got around to posting. Cunning, ain't it? I was playing with Photoshop filters which is why it looks grainy & stuff. It looks smaller on me than it should because I really made it for K but I am a little antsy about posting photos of my kidlets on the internet. So. You get stuck with my ugly mug.

Nothing else to report other than I'm sleepy and need about 20 hours' naptime.