pills suck, head hurts, gah. i'm editing this entry twenty bazillion times. yay me!

this whole test thing is getting out of hand. i already ranted about it a few days ago tho. so. i am feeling sleepy STILL. i hate pills. hate hate hate.

SO asked me waht i want for christmas today. i told him nothing. he didn't like the answer but as a matter of fact it is truth. i care not for material things, i have him, i have my kids, i have my friends and family...what more could i want? (aside from a better health portfolio, but we're workin on that).
 
i told him if he really wanted to get me something special that i would absolutely love, get us a few hours alone together. not for anything specific. just time. alone. together.

twenty bucks says he buys me something. because that is easier.

MEN!

It's SNOWING again. We are getting A WHOLE TEN CENTIMETRES TONIGHT. CHRISTMAS IS ALMOST HERE BABY!

The kids are getting antsy about Christmas, but they are behaving (that whole "ack you mean Santa KNOWS when I'm hitting my sibling over the head with a toy truck?" thing). I am feeling blase about it, which is kind of sad.

The medication I am on for the stupid tumor is hopefully working, but the medication to treat my headaches isn't so hot. It makes me groggy and morose. Blah. I HATE PILLS.

On the bright side, M SENT ME JAFFA CAKES! Hooray!

On to the testity test test test....

it snowed the other night but now it is almost all melted away, they are predicting more snow on saturday but i doubt it. this all follows my theory that the seasons are shifting on us. soon we shall have christmas in autumn. which might be nice because i LOVE autumn.

i wrapped all the presents we got for our kids last night. whooboy it can be tiring. they get way too much stuff because there's stuff from "santa" from us from my parents from his parents...man! if i had even 1/2 as much of what my kids have now at their age...

wow. that made me feel really...old.

My grandmother was in a serious car accident yesterday. She is 66. She is very active and looks 20 years younger than she is. She was driving to church when a van driven by a 17 yr old girl and full of kids smashed into her. Totalled her little car. Smashed her up good as well. Her knee is applesauce right now and she is in a great deal of pain. My mom has been staying at her place taking care of her because she refuses to stay in a hospital.

My mom called me last night to tell me. She sounded tired and sad. I was of course shocked. When I found out she was thankfully alive but not so thankfully injured, I was sad and confused. I didn't even bother asking about the car full of kids. I didn't care about them. I wanted to be sure that my grandma was ok. This woman, this remarkable woman that so many people take for granted. I entertained the idea of her not being around anymore and of course was reduced to tears. I couldn't handle it.

Our family Christmas for my mom's side is taking place on the 22nd. I am hoping grandma will feel up to it. I am praying she heals fast...but I know she will not. She has always had problems with her knees. The hospital sent home a walker for her. For my grandmother, the lady who is more active than most 20 yr olds I know! She is a proud woman, this must have devestated her.
Here is the sad part. No snow in our town right now. Dry road. The van was to blame. How? I don't know, I didn't press for details last night. But I am sad. I am angry. I feel drained from it. I hope they are all ok. At the same time the small part inside of me, the part that is mean and evil, hopes the driver rots for this. Silly but true.

Anyway. I'm sad. I'm tired. I think I'm catching the flu my husband has had for the past week or so. I just wanted to write this all down. You know. Real life. Not quizzes. Not quizzes about quizzes. No hiding behind silent walls of "friends only" locks. Here is my life. Be nice to it. It's a bit bruised right now.

It's my bruddah's birthday today. He is a whole 24 years old! Yowch. Tempis fugit.
Went out krimmis shopping this weekend, how painful. It was disturbing and depressing because every store we went to seemed to be filled with utter crap. Half the stuff I don't see how kids would take any joy in them. I yearn for simpler days. And I'm only 25. How pathetic is that?

We've had our tree up for a few weeks now. My daughter is Christmas hungry and has been asking for Santa since August. She is only 3. Imagine how she will be in upcoming years? Right now I enjoy the fact because she isn't after the toys she just loves to see the decorations up and to do fun things like bake our own ornaments and whatnot. I'm no 50's cookies mom but sometimes I can be crafty. This is one of those times.

I long for snow (I must be crazy for saying that but I do!) and snow isn't coming. People are predicting a mild winter. I just think the seasons are shifting more and more every year. So in essence in the future Christmas will be celebrated in autumn.

My I am long-winded today. I shall stop for now.

ended up that SO came home early from work, what a pleasant surprise! we went out to london to see shallow hal and eat at the keg (here's the part where my vegan friends cringe and gnash their teeth) mmmm teriyaki steak blue rare anyhow SO had never been to one before and he was quite impressed.
 
shallow hal was actually quite good. i mainly wanted to see it because i have a thing about jack black (what can i say i have a soft spot for funny guys) and also to see how they managed to take gwyneth paltrow and turn her into a 300 lb woman. but they did it and did it in style i might add. the movie has a good ending so all is well. but it surely makes you think about how much weight (no pun intended) is put upon looks.
 
anyhow. off to find another test, you know how i am about these things...

Sleepy. New pills make me so very sleepy. Blah. But they arehelping. I think? I nunno. Internist flaked out on me so I have to go back on Wednesday afternoon. Fuck.
 
Applied for some new jobs (talk about proactive! Yay me!) and hopefully will see some feedback. Wish me luck.

so i had to reschedule my appointment with the internist because he was running 2 hrs behind.
 
ARGH! oh well. c'est la guerre.
 
i'm tired and my kids are away so i am going to take a nice long bath. yay solitude! i bask in it because i get it so very little.

neurologist gave me pills. all is well so far. we shall see what the internist says on friday.

Had to work today and train. WHich was depressing because it was "career path training" and only accentuated the fact that i really, really hate my job.
 
Too tired to write much more, i've been sick all week and headachy. i fucked my knee up royally somehow when i was sleeping last night. i am always doing that, i don't know how but i wake up bruised and broken. it isn't a being abused in my sleep thing it is just the way i am. always have been this way. hmm.
 
i have to work tomorrow again BUT i get sunday off, yay!my sister-in-law had her commencement today i was supposed to go but my parents flaked out on watching the kids so i couldn't oh well hopefully the sisinlaw fogives me
 
ok i am speelling way too badly a sure sign i need rest and meds so bubye nice ladies and gents xoxo me

Blah.
 
Long, long weekend.
 
Work work work is my weekend theme song.
 
Still adjusting to the very blackness of my hair, hasn't been this way since high school, oy!
 
No test yet today but I may do one later and update. Feeling too blah to bother.
 
Go to see a neurologist on the 27th and then an internist on the 30th. Wish me luck.

Finally dyed things. And my hair? Well get this, the BOX said "Natural Deep Brown". Guess what color it is? CAT BLACK! Yes! Talk about fucky! S's was "Plum Black" or somesuch, but it came out much lighter than mine. Hee. Oh, how cruel the hands of fate are! I look so...so...GAWTH!
 
Ok me go now, wake up hubby and give him coffee like a good wifey.

Tired.

My daughter's fever broke last night tho, woo! I hate it when my kids are sick I feel so helpless because there is only so much I can do for them and they are like limp little noodles :/

Found the downside to my haircut this morning: WICKED BEDHEAD. But it is also an upside, because sometimes bedhead can be cute/sexy. I love bedhead on men sometimes it is hilarious and makes me want to pounce. S'true. My hubby almost never has it but when he does WATCH OUT. hee.

In other news, had a weird conversation about Tom Jones and head panties with J last night and then another weird conversation about invisible socks with B. I'm not one to convince myself that these were profound conversations. Rather I enjoyed them because of their silliness. There is altogether too little silliness in this world, it's nice when it comes unannounced.

As mentioned before S never came over last night but that is good as I was exhausted and taking care of my daughter anyway. We are making plans to make plans to get together and dye like there is no tomorrow.

Wednesday is fish day at the Elizabethan, so we will definitely hook up there. I love their haddock. Every Wednesday it's the same thing, "Wanna do lunch?" "Ok, where should we go?" "The Queens?" "Ha! No. How about the Elizabethan? It's fish day..." "Woo!"

I'm serious. We have tried to go other places, but why? They tend to mess up food too often and this place has NEVER given us bad lunch. So there! I am not always a creature of habit but this, this is RITUAL.

Now that I have assured you I am certifiably crazy, on to tests! I take at least one online test a day, because I am such a sucker for em. If you have a cool one to go to contact me. I will post any and all results in here.

For other test junkies, try All The Tests DOT com. Yum.

Test of the Day:

Find Your Star Wars Twin

OPENNESS:High scorers tend to be original, creative, curious, complex; Low scorers tend to be conventional, down to earth, narrow interests, uncreative. You: very high (88 percentile)Yoda -- This wise, philosophical, and thoughtful Jedi master challenges the establishment, encouraging his pupils to unlearn what they have learned and see the world in novel, creative ways.

CONSCIENTIOUS:High scorers tend to be reliable, well-organized, self-disciplined, careful; Low scorers tend to be disorganized, undependable, negligent. You: neither high nor low (47 percentile)Grand Moff Tarkin -- Is in the middle of conscientiousness because although he is usually a highly organized leader with a keen eye for detail, he occasionally misses a small but crucial detail (e.g., vulnerable exhaust ports on death stars).

EXTRAVERSION:High scorers tend to be sociable, friendly, fun loving, talkative; Low scorers tend to be introverted, reserved, inhibited, quiet. You: neither high nor low (53 percentile)Ewoks -- A species with extraverted and introverted tendencies. On one hand they are a shy, timid, and reclusive species. On the other hand, they are very sociable, living in groups, placing great emphasis of interpersonal relations.

AGREEABLENESS:High scorers tend to be good natured, sympathetic, forgiving, courteous; Low scorers tend to be critical, rude, harsh, callous. You: neither high nor low (50 percentile)Darth vader/Anakin Skywalker -- This character truly belongs in the middle of the agreeableness dimension, representing both good and evil. On one hand a kind and warm, on the other hand, evil & ruthless.

NEUROTICISM:High scorers tend to be nervous, high-strung, insecure, worrying; Low scorers tend to be calm, relaxed, secure, hardy. You: high (76 percentile)C-3P0 -- This fussy droid is generally anxious and nervous with a constitution that often seems unsuitable for the danger in which it finds itself.

Interesting.

They all said we'd never get together
Darling, let's take a bow
For ho, ho, ho!
Who's got the last laugh?
Hee, hee, hee!
Let's at the past laugh
Ha, ha, ha!
Who's got the last laugh now?"
Charlie Biddle Trio, They All Laughed

I cut my hair today. LOTS. It was just about mid-back level. It is now all chunks and layers not lower than my chin. I like it. A lot.

So on top of cutting my hair today I am going to be dying it with my dear buddy S. It is a ritual we go through every once in a while. Just get together and color our hair and do girlie type things that we normally abhor. Feminity is not our forte by far but man can we color! ;) Actually, nix that because she found her cat today...it was ummm not very alive? Yeah. I feel horrible because I didn't quite hear her when she told me on the phone, so I kept calling her a slacker for skipping school, meanwhile she is mumbling about a dead cat? I'm such a heartless bitch, is what you may be thinking, when really, I'm not. I'm just DEAF.
So, sorry S, we'll get together another day and destroy our follicles and bitch about men.

I am totally enamored with my hair now, it is such a free feeling. My bruddah R likes it. Which is odd because he normally thinks anything I wear or do is weirdness itself. (From him this is a sort of compliment, or at least I take it this way. In the past it bothered me to no end; this, I suppose, is the nature of siblings. Your focus shifts as you grow and you see through the bullshit to realize what was really being said/done.)

I rented a bunch of movies for my daughter, who has the flu; we've been watching Shrek and then another movie and then Shrek and then another movie, lather rinse repeat. It's still funny after the 2 bazillionth viewing, which is rare for a movie. It's the little things that you pick up that you may have missed before. I like subtlety.

As for good old Biddle, shame on you if you haven't heard of him! Go! Find him! Love him! He is *the* father of the Montreal Jazz scene!

Awright. I go now.