the saddest girl to ever hold a martini

Buckle your seatbelts, this is going to be a long ride.

It's October 1st and I finally caved and put the furnace on. It's freezing outside.

My brother got married on the 19th of September. It was a lovely wedding and I was so happy for him and his new wife & their gorgeous daughters. Everyone had a fantastic time and it was everything I could have hoped for him and more. There were some funny bits - for instance, I was their MC and the cordless mic stopped working halfway through our introductions of the wedding party - I moved on like a trooper anyway and just spoke up louder until they could fix the problem.

Their daughters were all smiles all day and very well-behaved, regardless of the amount of people that ended up handling them all night. The food was excellent, the DJ was fantastic, everyone was in a good mood and I got to see some family I hadn't seen in years. My brother looked so handsome and my new sister-in-law was breathtaking. I cannot stress enough how wonderful their day was.

They gave out magnets as their gifts for guests - playing card ones for the men, and a pair ladybugs for the women. There is some Portuguese folklore about the ladybug and how it will always fly from you to your true love, which M didn't know when she chose them, and I find to be a good omen for their marriage.

I do have more to say, but I have been finding that with the cold weather comes a lack of the proper words to describe things. So I am going to cheat and show you the speech I had written as their MC.

Good evening everyone, and welcome. For those of you who don’t know me, I am R’s older sister. It is my great honor to be your MC tonight.

When R and M first approached me and asked me to be their MC, I did not hesitate to accept. It has only been the past few weeks that I’ve come to realize how difficult this task may be. Note, this is where I actually start to cry, so I can't remember if I managed to get the rest of this paragraph out. Anyone who knows me knows that underneath the sarcasm and humor lies a big sentimental schmuck, and so my greatest challenge today will be making it through this speech without crying. Especially since my dearest brother has begged me not to tell any embarrassing stories about him. I can’t make any promises, but I will try.

Once I'd composed myself, I went on:

M, I cannot thank you enough for meeting R and giving him exactly what he needed (the rest of this is between sobs) and had been searching for, a woman who would love him, forgive him his faults, and try to keep him in line. Believe me, keeping R in line is a very difficult task. I’d hate to inform you now, M but there is a strict no-return policy when it comes to R. Now that you legally and officially have him, he’s yours. (by this point, I had swung back to somewhat normal voice)

Growing up with R wasn’t easy, but it was never a dull moment either. We moved so much when we were kids, we were almost like gypsies – never staying in one place too long, until we made it to this city. Because we moved so much, the only constant we had was each other, which was both wonderful and terrible all at once. There were the dramas created by our Star Trek figurines; the bloodshed over various crazy moments on both our parts involving dog bites, bb guns, ginsu knives, and other perilous things; hiding under a blanket and imagining we had visited Neverland and fighting off imaginary crocodiles and pirates; staying up all night to “discover morning”. We squabbled the way most siblings do, but we were always there for each other when it mattered most, and always will be.

I cannot wait to watch my new twin nieces create their own adventures, and knowing how imaginative their father is, I am sure that there will always be trouble and fun between those two. R having two girls is God’s best kind of mischief played on him – they will have him wrapped around their fingers in no time, and causing him to lose a lot of sleep and likely a lot of hair over their hijinks. We can only pray that they inherit some of M’s responsibility or R will have no hope of surviving their teen years.

I’d like to welcome you M, to the great club of “having to spell your name to people for the rest of your life”. Having carried the name of (my birth last name here) for over 2 decades myself, I can guarantee you interesting times and much amusement when telemarketers try to pronounce it correctly.

About the bride – it’s hard to believe that I’ve known M for 9 years. It really does seem like only yesterday that this shy, quiet girl came into our home and was introduced as R’s new girlfriend. Being a suspicious sister, I initially kept my distance, wondering if she was here for the long run, or just a girl out to break my little brother’s heart.

M, I cannot tell you how pleased I am that you were here for the long run – and wow what a long run it’s been. I ad-libbed here: "You must be exhausted!" You deserve a medal for hanging in there so long where others would have run away. It’s really only been in more recent years that I’ve grown to know her better, and I am so very happy to have her for a sister. If I could ask for anyone on earth to be my brother’s bride, it would be you M, and I am overjoyed that today you said “I do”. I get a bit teary at this part. Shush. We all know what a big sap I am. I manage to compose myself again because I am a pro, dammit.

Anyone who knows M, knows that she loves lists. Apparently it is a family trait, inherited from her mother. It is one that has served her well. Anyone who knows R, knows that he isn’t a good planner, he hates lists, he is a last-minute decision maker, and rather relaxed when it comes to schedules. This is a match made in heaven – M will straighten out his schedule, while R will quietly sabotage M’s lists.

In the spirit of list-making, I’ve put together a list myself today – A list of things that happened on this day in history.

This day in History, September 19

1900 – Butch Cassidy & the Sundance Kid commit their first robbery.

1928 – Adam West was born.

1928 – Mickey Mouse’s first cartoon is shown.

1960 - Chubby Checker’s “The Twist” hits number one on the charts.

1970 – Mary Tyler Moore show premieres.

1974 – Eric Clapton received a gold record for “I shot the Sherriff”

1995 – Orville Redenbacker died.

1995 – International “Talk like a Pirate” day was born.

And here is where I lose it and start crying again. But the most important thing to happen on September 19 as far as I’m concerned is, R P & M W joined hands in marriage before friends, family, and God.

The rest of this is said with tears.

Before I call M's parents to come up and say their peace about the bride and groom, I humbly ask that you all raise your glasses in a toast.

May God be with you and bless you,

may you see your children's children,

may you be poor in misfortunes and rich in blessing,

may you know nothing but happiness from this day forward.

I love you both.

So on to the next adventure with them, and may happy memories lie in their wake.

The next weekend I took my daughter with me and we went with Hammer to see an All Girls Roller Derby. And hells yes, it is exactly as fun as it sounds. Daughter had a blast and I'm just waiting for the day she says she wants to be a Derby girl. I got her another button for her collection (She is collecting those little clever button pins with sayings or whatever on them) which pleased her very much. What I loved was that in the beginning all the derby girls were polite and as the night wore on they got more and more aggressive. The visiting team's coach ended up getting kicked out of the building. I'm half-tempted to take her to the next one coming up; we shall have to see.

Last night I was blessed with a surprise visit from my dear friend V, who lives in England and was here helping her mom move to a new apartment. She only had one night to stay and spend time with me and it was wonderful, and time went fast-forward as it always does with her, and the visit ended much too soon. But I am so thankful to have had it. I miss her already.

I've been knitting up a storm between everything, keeping my head on straight, and trying not to worry too much. Had a very long day with a neurologist last week, which ended in tears on my part again, but he was really actually very kind this time around. He said he was reluctant to diagnose me with anything neurological until I'd sorted out my digestive issues (which are many, and gross, and painful, and let's just say I don't have the time or patience to get into it right now). The reason for his reluctance is because there are actually quite a few digestive/organ-related issues that can affect a patient's nervous system as well, and he wanted that area explored before he further entertained the idea of neurological impediments.

I have an appointment to get a dye-injected CT of my abdomen, specifically my liver, because they found an anomoly in it when they did an ultrasound so now they want to check for carcinomas and hepatitis and other absolutely wonderful things. After this I am awaiting an appointment with a surgeon to do a scope, both ways, checking for ulcerative colitis, Chrohn's, and colo-rectal cancer. How fun!

So yeah, that's my life in a nutshell. Too tired to get into further details than that. Cheers.